Money/Debt

[MrsBrentford]

When I married OH 2years ago being had a lot of debt and we merged finances to pay this off which we have done (mainly).

I earn less but we have a joint account which everything goes in and out of and then we have the same amount of personal spending money.

We have got a few loans for some essential work that needed doing to the house and I bought a car. I have agreed to take in students pay for this, this is hard work for me as OH works away all week.

OH got a new credit card a few months ago and admitted he has been playing this fucking game on his phone and got £1500 into debt with it.

I was furious with him but he said he was going to pay it off with his “personal” money (the credit card).

He has then basically been using the joint account as his own account for nights out and large amounts this month (hundreds) have gone out via paypal which turns out is this game that he’s addicted to.

I have threatened to leave and divorce him He has deleted it (although made a big palava about this and leaving his “team”).

For me having a joint account is about trust and he has broken this, my wages aren’t safe (I earn 30k a year) and I am working my arse off with the students while he is flagrantly spending money like water on a fucking game.

I don’t really know where to go with this

sendhelpppppp
Oh you had to change the kitchen?

My parents kitchen functioned perfectly, had an oven, fridge, microwave etc, fitted units. It was not very stylish so unfashionable/dated looking. So? If you can't afford a new one (needing to borrow to buy a depreciating asset means you cannot afford it), as long as it does the job it's ok.

Just to clarify - it wasn’t for a new kitchen.

lol @noidontwatchloveisland

it wasn't usable, it didn't "do the job" it was falling to bits. I really don't know why you feel the need to judge me for replacing a kitchen?

My kitchen debt is 0% interest.. we could have paid for it outright, but you know what it made more sense to borrow it for free and use the money in our account to gut the rest of the house.

Some people might be happy living in awful houses, i for one am not.

I'd have a hard time trusting this man.

It's not about 1.5k its about his attitude to money and you. The disrespect he showed you. Gambling money while away with work while you top up your income with students.

The fact that he lied about paying it off himself then used the personal account. That's not far off stealing. And made a fuss about leaving the game.

Did he also apologise massively? Thank you for your understanding and support?Promise never to let it happen again?

Crikey op is getting a bit of a hard time here. Car finance and a home improvement loan are fairly standard??!

This game is his hobby that he has become addicted to / over invested in.

You could substitute the game for some people with other hobbies such as golf (which is my Dh hobby).

A hobby should not interfere with family finances and in our household, this includes all the bills / food / family / children's activities and also planning for our future.

Nor should a hobby interfere with family time - my DH plays golf on his days off in the week, or at the weekends when DD is busy with her classes / parties.

It sounds like him playing this game is very heavily weighted towards the cost, he is using his down time when working away to play? Is there not another 'gamey' hobby he can do? Surely lots of online games are free?

Running up a debt of £1500 is not normal and many people would not tolerate this. It does need nipping in the bud and some serious conversations.

Good luck op.

I think you are getting a really hard time here too.

Would he be open to the idea of getting an 'allowance' from you ?

He is obviously terrible with money, I am sure he knows this.

In your position I would set up a new bank account for him. Pay a certain amount in each month for his spending money. Possibly even weekly so he can budget per week. Then take control of all joint wages and bills.

But that is only if he if is receptive to your help in this way. If he isn't I guess it's financial abuse to do this ? If he isn't willing to do this I really don't know what to suggest.

You clearly love him dearly and are fiercely protective of him as a father/ partner. (Rightly so if this is his only downfall)

Genuinely wish you the best of luck.

Even if you separate finances he will spend his money and you will end up footing his part of the bills. Joining finances was you propping him up and paying part of his debt, whether you choose to acknowledge that or not. I would end the relationship. You will be financially responsible for him forever otherwise.