What's the most ridiculous of astonishing lie you've ever heard?

[SingleSidedShoulderShrug]

Just genuinely interested! Mine is that a colleague of mine told us her dad had died. So good she go home early? Of course we said he's who wouldn't say yes to that.. shame she didn't tell her dad he was meant to be dead or that she'd left early to grieve him as he picked her up as usual. Came in to ask where she was... we were like umm.. she's grieving you ? 😱

This is absolutely true i swear. A buyer for our house spent some viewing our property than asked to take us for lunch so we could discuss the price (a private sale) and we agreed as we seemed to get on so well. During the lunch he told us that whilst 'in Africa, his arm was actually torn off by a lion, and he was the first person who had it sewn back on successfully in the country'! He was eating well with both hands so I asked to see 'how well the surgeons had attached it'. There was a 3cm scar at the shoulder and he boasted about what a great job the surgeon did baring in mind the mad, long dash to hospital with his arm in a bag! And no, we did not sell him our property, for our lovely neighbours sake!

Another one using suicide ? sickos. This guy I was talking to was married and obviously I should have told him to sling his hook. He used to say oh we are fully separated, then would say but we have sex sometimes. Said after Christmas they were splitting up but also said she returned his Christmas presents. I wasn't interested in running away with him or anything and he probably got caught up in his lies and needed to go. Posted a fake death story and that could have been that. Don't know why he bothered coming back.

I worked with someone who said she’d won the lottery! We were all astonished to see her again n the office! She said all the details hadn’t been finalised as it was a syndicate! We had a little celebration in the office for her. Cakes and drinks etc from the boss- a big sorry to see you leave party etc.. she just kept on coming back to work! A colleague who knew her sister came and informed us that her sister knew nothing of a lottery win and thought we should know that she’s a compulsive liar! She also claimed to have done a parachute jump at 6 weeks pregnant! Amongst other things! I refer to her now as ‘jay’ from inbetweeners

Sooty 6 months not weeks 🙄

Sorry not sooty 🤣🙄

A friend of DH (notorious compulsive liar) told us that he had slept with a famous glamour model who was in her heyday at the time. But had to sign an NDA so he couldn’t tell anyone...apart from us clearly.
Same friend told us that he had DJed with a very famous DJ, again all untrue.
DH owns a customised VW beetle and this particular friend told some passing admirers that it was his car, in front of DH. DH was a bit hacked off so he asked him to pop the bonnet to show them the interior of the boot space (engine is in the back of a beetle) which left him red faced and fumbling around because the bonnet pull is in a different place than other cars.
DH and I don’t understand why he does, he is otherwise a nice guy and lives a relatively comfortable lifestyle 🤷🏻‍♀️

@DobbyLovesSocks nope, she definitely meant hysterectomy. I was told all about it.

Do they pregnancy test you before skydiving? I didn’t even know I was pregnant will I was 12 weeks so if they don’t there may be lots of women who have skydived at 6 weeks pregnant!

I once got trapped in my flat because my front door handle fell off! I was late to work and I.m sure my boss thought it was a stupid lie to cover a hangover.... really wasn’t though!

All of Brexit

Someone I knew got abducted by aliens in the school holidays apparently. They left a scar and everything. 🙄
She had much form for porkies!

I knew a woman who started making up all sorts of weird stuff that contradicted what she'd said before. Like saying she was born and grew up in London, then a while afterwards saying she was born and grew up in Manchester. Stuff like that. Said she had all sorts of life threatening illnesses but somehow none of them ever affected her. She also told us she went to school with several very famous people, and lived in the same street as where various famous people grew up and used to play with them. Told me once that she had been married (at age 16) to an air force guy who used to beat her up. A friend who had known her at that age told me it was nonsense. She was never married or knew any air force guy. Also said her mother had had gangrene and had her leg amputated (She hadn't.) Just a compulsive liar. I think she did it for drama. When challenged about the lies she would just say "No, I never said that."

An ex friend of mine told very detailed lies for attention;

She had cancer twice in the space of 2 years, cervical & liver.
Her mother had an affair with her boyfriend.
The IRA kidnapped the man she was dating on her behalf & threatened him to leave her alone.
A dog appeared on her 1st floor balcony. Then disappeared again.
Her boyfriend was a bank robber.
Her apartment was broken into & she had to hide in the en-suite with her daughter (daughter never mentioned this!)
Her boyfriend went on holidays & came back married to another woman.

She was an intelligent woman with a great job but seemed to crave negative attention. I believed all of the lies at the time. Including the IRA one which doesn’t make me very intelligent!!!
When they were found to be false she never mentioned it again & carried on

The cucumber one reminded me if my daughter.

She was interception and the school called us because she was crying her eyes out saying something living with a tree.

I got there calmed her down and she told me that she had some apple at snack time at school and accidentally ate a seed. Her uncle (my dumb ass brother) had previously told her that if you are an apple seed, a tree would grow out of your head. She whole heartedly believe him.

The teacher did very well to cover her laughter. Dd happily went back to class.

I called my brother and bollocked him

My ex was a huge liar, it got to the point that I couldn't really believe anything he said. My personal favourite was not hurtful to our relationship but was hilarious. He claimed that he potwashed for Raymond Blanc (fair enough). However, he said that Mr Blanc saw something 'special' in him, and taught him for a year to be a "saucier" (No idea if I spelt that right), but he had to leave the job to work in retail, even though Raymond wanted him to stay permanently. Sounded not to bad until he made a cheese sauce the first time for us that split and tasted so bad no one could eat it, and his gravy was so thick it tasted of pure salt.

@ColourMyDreams what did you say to that?! What a story 😂😂

When I was younger I had a friend who lied. She faked a collapsed lung and pretended to be her auntie texting off her own phone to tell us the life support machines were going off go see if she could breathe alone.

I fully believed her lie as a naive teenage girl and was so upset sobbed on my dad, who obviously saw it was a lie but instead of believing it was hers he lost it with me saying I was making it up! I obviously now see why he knew straight away but still don't understand why he thought I had made it up. Odd.

I was a school with a 'friend' she pretended to have a brain tumor.. when questioned apparently the doctor's made a mistake and it was a mark on their screen
This wasn't too long after my grandad had actually died from a brain aneurysm.. safe to say we didn't stay friends

My ex when we were together went to the library and made and printed off a fake document saying he had x amount of shares worth x amount each. It had a logo and a signature on it. It was "to prove all his money was tied up in shares and that's why he couldn't contribute to the household or our ds". I threw him out at this point. He still lies now, 6 years on. From swine flu to broken bones to his partner having a full hysterectomy and a lump in her breast. All made up!

I am very ashamed to say I was quite the liar between the ages of around 10 and perhaps 23. I put it down to my father dying when I was 9 (true) and being moved to another country and shunted around multiple different schools by my abusive and alcoholic mum and step dad. I just wanted people to like me and it got out of hand.

However - they are funny in hindsight.

I actually currently have a casual friend who lies every time she opens her mouth and she is 43. I may start another post of her porkies.

My notable whoppers have included:

• Being a head majorette and professional cheerleader at aged 10, i was asked by my new school pals repeatedly to bring in my collection of poms poms until i felt so sick with worry i could not go to school (I told my mum who bought me some to take in)
• My family owning a golden palomino thoroughbred racehorse at aged 11
• Being half Italian from 12 until i hoped everyone had forgotten
• Having a completely different 'real' surname from my own
• My grandad being in the mafia in Sicily
• Owning a Ferrari (at 18) told to colleagues whilst working in a biker cafe and also to a random guy in a nightclub who drove me home 40 miles at 5am to see it (as well as to see a bit more too, i had to run away around the corner once I got dropped off)
• When asked by someone where I got my nice top, I made up having a friend who died and left me a haul of famous designer clothes (it was from a charity shop)
• Went for an air steward job with Virgin, didn't even get passed the first round, told everyone they'd offered to pay to remove a hand tattoo I had to have me work for them and I turned them down as I wanted to 'stay true' to myself.
• Told friends i used to be a hand model

Oh lord forgive me .

40 generations back was approx the year 550 and there would be getting on for 2 trillion ancestors so we are all related to the pope !!!

Ex colleague told me he was in a organised crime ring specialising in stealing high value cars.
He was getting texts with “jobs” to do paying tens of thousands each.

I was a fishmonger at the tine and he was the bloke that swept up and made the tea. So I asked why are you here sweeping up mate? If I was you I’d be on my way to London for the big payout? He reckoned it was for tax reasons “makes me seems less suspicious”

A coupe years later he started having driving lessons with a friend of mine, my mate said he was a total beginner, kangarooed all over the place! Obviously the perfect man for stealing high powered super cars

I know someone W who likes to be centre of attension by making people feel sorry for her.One of those people you can never say 'hi how are you' because she will go on for hours about how hard her life is. It isnt,she is just bone idel.

MY friend knows her relative. relative said next year I am selling my house.W is upset because she has all her stuff stored in my barn and I have told her it needs emptying.

I was at a party 18 months later and W was there.She was telling a group of people how her relative had just messaged her that morning to say she was moving a few days later and all the stuff needed to be gone. How was she supposed to do that on her own and where would she put it etc.

I said nothing but was very tempted

My work colleague was waxing lyrical about wonderful her husband was and how in love they are and that he bought her a new Audi as a "I love you" present only to see her roll up in a Ford fiesta and hear he had left her for another woman several months before.

I actually felt sorry for her.

Where I used to work in late 80’s it was a bit of a game to plant an idea in one colleagues head and wait for some amazing story to materialise. All totally fantasy, with no basis in actuality. The best used to revolve around Solly Goldberg, her Arab Prince boyfriend. The most astounding details used to get woven into the fiction. I wonder if she ever grew out of it, or maybe sh’s some mega-famous author now!