Stupid thing you thought when you were a kid

[glitteryboots]

I'm watching the first episode of Schitt's Creek on Netflix and the boy and girl in it are arguing over who gets what bed in the motel because if someone were to break in they would murder the person in the first bed. I thought the exact same thing when I was a kid - made sure my brother slept in the bed nearest the door because then I thought I was safe. Not an AIBU but what weird things did you think as a kid?

Oh, and I remember someone telling me that god is always watching, and when your relatives pass, they are with you, wherever you are.

I used to get very embarrassed about using the toilet.

I thought spunk would be clear and green...like fairy liquid!

Re ginger cats being male. An SSPCA worker once told me this, so I assumed it was true

I thought if you travelled south it was down hill and if you travelled north it was up hill. All the way. So obviously it was quicker to go on journeys south as you went faster down hill. Obviously I didn't understand car speedos, I assumed it was like riding a bike! Fast drown and slow up!

And yes to being destroyed by a nuclear bomb. Or the Russians marching up the high street in my remote-ish and nondescript town

The Patsy cline song "back in baby's arms" (my mother is a big country fan. I thought Baby's Arms was a place like Seven Sisters or something. I was about 12 until it clicked that she didn't have to leave town just cos her fella bogged off and she could movr back if he loved her again

Remanded in Custody = kept in custard in my head.

I didn't realise they were different words until I was about 10/11 🙈

I also thought "Material Girl' was a song about a girl made of cloth!

Also, when John Lennon died and they re-released Imagine as a tribute to him, I simply could not understand how he was turning up on TOTP and how he could be at number 1, yet everyone was saying he was dead. I distinctly remember asking my mum how he was on TV and how he could be number 1 when he was dead.

@SnoozyLou "i thought handbags were called hambags, and that you use them to carry... well, you get the idea"

Not exactly the same thing but I thought suit cases were 'soup cases'. I remember feeling so baffled at people packing endless tins of soup and little else to take with them on holiday!

I believed I could fly too and remember having the dream about flying to the bottom of the stairs! How strange!

Ola the making you walk on the inside of the pavement is probably quite sensible, I know of 2 people who were ran over from car accidents that spilled onto pavements

I assumed my parents, and most grown ups for that matter, must be millionaires. Stuff is expensive and they kept buying it.i was quite worried when dad said they weren't and asked how they paid for stuff all the time. When I learned they had money going in each month because they had jobs it was a revelation, I assumed you had all the money you could ever need as you entered adulthood.

I grasped the idea really young that fairy tales were made up. However, I thought that if things often appeared in fairy tales, they must also be made up. So for some years I thought that wolves, foxes, gingerbread men, rainbows, and even castles were made up! One by one I discovered that those were real (I still remember seeing my first rainbow).

Another delusion I had (aged 5) was that I would win Pin the Tail on the Donkey with ease, when I heard that the objective was simply to get the tail in the right place. While I waited for my turn, I wondered why the smiling party mum was tying a scarf over the eyes of each child, and why they all got their tail in the wrong place. Then it was my turn, the blindfold was tied on me nice and tight, and I found I couldn't see anything, not even the pattern on the scarf! I thought I would just see it as a narrow strip, and I would be able to see around it. I didn't win either!

I thought for years that the news was made up. This is because when I was small I asked my dad if it was real or not and he said it was probably all made up.

@firstimemamma 😂

When I was about 11, my mother described a paedophile as "someone who interferes with children". For years afterwards, I had a visual image of a child trying to concentrate on colouring in, while an adult kept grabbing the pencils.

I also thought that my first period (and every one thereafter) would last a matter of seconds each month.

I have only just realised the "daft apeth" from reading this thread .... I haven't thought of that for many years.

When I was about four, someone (I think a babysitter) told me that if put on shoes or slippers without socks, my toes would vanish. Soon after that I freaked out when my mum buckled some closed-toe sandals on to my bare feet, because I couldn't see if my toes were still there! I must have been cured of this later though, because when I was older was always wearing trainers without socks.

also was once listening in to my mum and her friend having a conversation where her friends daughter let the bath water out and didn't get out in time and was sucked down the hole... They obviously wanted to scare me and it worked... I was then terrified of baths.

When they were little and still sharing a bath, DD told DS that if he didn’t stop talking, his tongue would drop off and go down the plug hole. He became hysterical and didn’t believe my reassurances. Bath times were a silent affair for quite a few weeks.

Oh, and also because of my dad I thought all Germans said ‘don’t mention ze vor’ and goose stepped instead of walked. I was quickly disabused of this when I was about 6 and goose stepped down the high street of a German town shouting ‘don’t mention ze vor’ at the top of my voice when on a day trip to Germany.

I somehow misunderstood my mum explaining the pill, as I thought they'd had sex on their wedding night and then mum had taken a pill daily to "pause" the baby until she wanted it!

@Snooks1971 I don’t k ow what you mean by this: I thought that the letter W was a ‘proper’ letter in its own right. It only dawned on me a few years ago that a W is... a double U. W is a letter. How is it less ‘proper’ than the others?

I thought a condom was a big machine that people attached to themselves to have sex.

I also thought that when you had your period you didn't bleed at night.

😂

Remembered another one ..
When pay as you go phones first came out Vodafone had an advert which showed a mobile and someone putting money in a slot in the back .. I thought this was actually how they worked so when I got one for my 16th birthday I checked the back and asked where the money went as couldn’t see the slot .
Also wondered what happened when it got too heavy with coins

Oh and two from primary school, told to us in all earnestness by two different teachers. Not sure if I believed them or not.

1, that the moon was originally square but asteroids had crashed into it and knocked the corners off.

2, that if you were hungry you had to eat something otherwise your stomach would start eating your insides and you’d disappear.

I must have gone to a bit of a shit school.

@soupforbrains oh my god me too! My dad even brought me a cuddly toy haggis back from a business trip. Think I believed there were little furry haggis running wild in the Highlands until I was about 14!

I thought that people's skin colour was completely random and it was pretty much a lottery whether a white baby or a black baby popped out.

We had two white families in the village who had adopted black children and I didn't know at that point they were adopted or even of the concept of adoption.