Stupid thing you thought when you were a kid

[glitteryboots]

I'm watching the first episode of Schitt's Creek on Netflix and the boy and girl in it are arguing over who gets what bed in the motel because if someone were to break in they would murder the person in the first bed. I thought the exact same thing when I was a kid - made sure my brother slept in the bed nearest the door because then I thought I was safe. Not an AIBU but what weird things did you think as a kid?

İ went no contact 3 years ago. Best thing i ever did! Although it now means i don't see my brother or sister

My husband believed all cats were female and all dogs were male.

What's worse, is apparently quite a few people have thought this too.

I used to believe that when it was really windy, the earth was spinning faster. Oh, and that the olden days were in black and white.

I thought Monkey Puzzle trees blossomed actual monkey themed jigsaw puzzles I was always so desperate to see them

That being born with downs syndrome meant that you couldn't smile.

I legit thought that 'downs' referred to the fact their facial muscles didn't allow them to smile

my eldest thought the world used to be black and white. He asked me if it was weird when they 'turned the colour on'

That boobs were literally just one rack across a woman's chest, as it looks like with clothes on haha. Neither me, nor my sister was breastfed...not sure how long I thought this but was around the time I started to mature myself.. awkward!

That people on TV were trapped in some alternate universe, forced to act out their lives for the entertainment of others but had no idea that they were not in 'real life'. I used to ask my mum if we were 'on tv' in case we were actually one of those families caught in the matrix but had no idea.

OK, this is really embarrassing. I thought that being taken into police custardy (my mishearing of CUSTODY) was being gunged with custard by the police until you told the truth I still feel self-conscious when I hear the phrase now and I'm in my 40s...

I thought that people on TV programmes were actually inside the TV.

I thought a woman got pregnant by going to a shop and drinking from a bottle which put the baby inside them. Pink bottle if you wanted a girl, blue if you wanted a boy. Although to be fair I'm pretty certain my mum actually told me that . I also thought all babies were born by caesarean.

That having qualifications would help me in a future career.
Ouch, felt this one to my core!

I used to think the Chicago Bulls were just bulls running around the city wreaking havoc. I was terrified of this and didn't see why the city hadnt been abandoned.

• There was an 'r' on the end of the word 'idea'

• That all human beings breath through their mouths

• That 'killed by friendly fire' referred to an incident where both sides were bored by inaction or whatevs, and started firing at each other for a laugh to pass the time... only someone's aim was a bit skew-whiff and one side got killed.

That having qualifications would help me in a future career.

I can relate. 🔨

That women physically couldn’t get pregnant until they were married, which I inferred from an off-the-cuff remark of my mum’s when I was small. (If I hadn’t been born as long ago as the early Sixties it would of course have been quickly apparent that this wasn’t true!)

Honestly, it was only when I got quite close to puberty myself that I started to wonder seriously how a legal change could bring about a biological result.

I thought those storage boxes on top of cars were for Boogie Boards or surfboards due to shape. I didn't realise they were just for actual additional storage and couldn't work out why such a disproportionate amount of people had surfboards
We didn't own a car or phone until I was 18 (quite poor) so it was only when I went to university and saw families with cars unloading them that I realised- the shame

I used to think that if I stood on one foot on the bathroom scales, I should only weigh half my actual weight. Couldn't figure out why that didn't work.

Also thought if I wrapped my arms around myself, I should be able to pick myself up off the ground. Couldn't figure out why that didn't work either!

Also thought if I wrapped my arms around myself, I should be able to pick myself up off the ground. Couldn't figure out why that didn't work either!

I tried to do that too!

I used to think Michelle was the name of a type of relation like Auntie, Cousin etc. I was really confused when I came across a Michelle at school.

My mum told me black bags grew in feilds. Used to show us them as we drove past. So.embarrassed when I found out the truth from a friend of argues with and she showed.me on her farm what they were. Lol
Then the cheese plant my mum had every year she would hand triangle cheese on the plant and when we woke up there it was . Loads more from my mum. Hahaha.

I was convinced I could fly, just a tiny bit, just float off the ground.
I remember reading recently how common it is for people to have been convinced that they flew down the stairs as children. There is a theory that this is the memory of your parent carrying you down the stairs. You forget that you were being carried, just remember the sensation.

I thought that the cats eyes in the middle of the road were lit up by a tiny man running along a tunnel under the road with a candle.

I genuinely thought that whoever was the smartest person in the country was automatically made president/prime minister. Obviously I was destined to live in 21st c. England .

I thought London was church

My dad and sister went to London for a weekend and I was asked if I wanted to go and I said no (because I thought it was church) and as soon as they left I sat on the stairs and cried for an hour (no mobiles back then to ask him to turn around and get me).

Bit of a weird one-
I was once up quite late when I was about 9 and some dodgy show was on tv. Where a woman had died in a dress, that same dress was donated to a charity shop, another woman bought the dress and then also died in it the night she wore it.
From then on (for a good 2 years) I couldn't accept new clothes... and if I was forced to wear new clothes within minutes I'd be physically sick thinking I was gonna die... grew out of it of course.

I also was once listening in to my mum and her friend having a conversation where her friends daughter let the bath water out and didn't get out in time and was sucked down the hole... They obviously wanted to scare me and it worked... I was then terrified of baths.

@FlamingoAndJohn
I was convinced I could fly, just a tiny bit, just float off the ground.

Lol I do know how to fly. I do it so often in my dreams that I know how to, it’s just that gravity in real life gets in the way of it!