Stupid thing you thought when you were a kid

[glitteryboots]

I'm watching the first episode of Schitt's Creek on Netflix and the boy and girl in it are arguing over who gets what bed in the motel because if someone were to break in they would murder the person in the first bed. I thought the exact same thing when I was a kid - made sure my brother slept in the bed nearest the door because then I thought I was safe. Not an AIBU but what weird things did you think as a kid?

I didn’t realise that you had to buy new clothes when you got bigger, I just assumed they grew with you 😳

That the Wirral was the USA.

Mostly due to my dad telling me to stop morning each summer holiday about my friends going on fancy trips because he’d taken me all the way to the USA (ferry trip across the Mersey) to see my aunt and her American husband.

Morning = moaning

I have a blank space on my birth certificate where fathers name should be. I used to think maybe he was someone rich/famous and would come and claim me one day.

That when the ice cream van played music it meant they had run out of ice cream

My mum and dad both used to tell me that whenever we drove over a brand new stretch of road and I asked them why it was smooth and clean and new looking it was because a little old woman would come out to sweep and maintain that section of the road.

It made perfect sense to me.

I truly believed that for years, I think I was in my late teens before a boyfriend laughed at me when I happened to mention it and I realised I had been played. The shame 😳

Sidney I also thought that all dogs were boys and all cats were girls ! Also those white poops that you sometimes saw in the street, that they came from white Poodles

I thought those storage boxes on top of cars were for Boogie Boards or surfboards due to shape. I didn't realise they were just for actual additional storage and couldn't work out why such a disproportionate amount of people had surfboards

😂 I was the same. Except I thought they were for wheelchairs. Probably because the only person I knew with one used a wheelchair. I couldn’t believe there were so many wheelchair using drivers around.

Fizzy were you thinking of anchovies?

I remember getting things like that 'wrong' as a kid, too and I absolutely hated my parents laughing at me.
It sounds daft, but those moments really stayed with me.

I enjoyed watching Wimbledon on TV with my Mum as a child. I used to think that when the umpire called ‘deuce’ he was calling ‘juice’ as the game was nearing an end and the players needed their Robinson’s Barley.

I used to think the black market was an actual market and I was baffled as to why the police didn't go there and arrest people.. I was probably about 25 when I figured it out 😂 😂 😂

I used to believe the myth that if you swallowed chewing gum it took seven years to digest. 😳

My parents sometimes called me a "daft ha'p'orth", which I persistently misheard as "daft apeth". I thought an Apeth was some sort of primate that was famed for its lack of common sense. I imagined it looking a bit like an upright sloth, with white fur. I believed in the Apeth for years, and always wondered why David Attenborough never mentioned it on any of his documentaries.

When my son was 9 we were talking about going to his aunt's wedding and he quite seriously asked me how his 2yo cousin had been born before his parents were married...

I mean, it's not as if we lived in a particularly ultra-respectable part of town!

When I was twenty I was explaining to my new boyfriend how to get to my parents' house from the north. It's junction 21 on the motorway - "it's quite a big junction, it's got a roundabout"

He didn't say anything, and it was only later that I realised that all motorway junctions have roundabouts...

I used to believe the myth that if you swallowed chewing gum it took seven years to digest. 😳

I believed if you swallowed it, it would stick in your throat and choke you to death.

Thanks, mum!

oh! I thought it was apeth too!

(obviously I was mizled and went aw-ry)

I got very confused by news reports about guerrilla warfare. I didn't understand how the gorillas had learned to use guns. I only seemed to hear about it when the news came on the radio so there were no tv pictures to clear things up.

I went to a catholic school and I thought that Jesus didn't live long, we celebrated his birth at Christmas and his death at Easter!

In the multi-storey carpark, there used be signs sayings 'pedestrians beware'. I thought this was pronounced 'ped-est-ryans' (a bit like Australians) and the signs were alerting us to random foreigners who may happen to be wondering around!

I thought that grandparents were just nice old people your parents chose for you to have as grandparents rather than them being actual relatives. I think I was about 6yo before I worked it out.

I used to think that the people in the TV could see us. And that someone looked completely different from their characters like they had a face transplant for the show!

Also when my parents got something that had fallen off the back of a lorry I honestly thought there was a lorry going about with stuff in it and it would fall off into the road and then my dad was behind it to catch it

When we got new traffic lights in our town in the early seventies my younger sister told me about the green man and the red man and accurately demonstrated the poses.
I was quite disappointed when I saw they weren't real men a few days later.

Also books had to be out back in th same place on the shelf so they could carry on their conversations. Can't explain that one at all!

I couldn’t understand why everyone at school and at home used to moan about wasting paper when doing drawings etc, why didn’t they just photocopy a blank page to get some more?

I used to think that all the roads named after a place led to that place, so Holland st led to Holland, Manchester rd led to Manchester

Could not understand for years how my cousin who was born in October was older than me born in July.

I thought that when the police caught someone by matching their fingerprints, that they had already caught them (and that's how they had the fingerprints) but then let them go so they could catch them again - I liked playing tag and must have been influenced by that.

When my mum used to take me on the bus to see my nan. I always wondered why the destination didn't say Awwlookatmybabyspider's nans.

The second ones a,bit macabre, but I thought people were buried actually in the grave stones. I was always curious as to how they fitted in there. I figured they must cut people up and squash the flat. #iwasacreepykid. Ghoul.

A,road by where I lived I used to think if you walked up it you'd come to the end of the world.