Aibu - requiring consent of deadbeat exh to travel

[changedtempforprivacy]

I've just returned from a holiday in the Netherlands with Dd who is 4. Her father and I split when I was pregnant, divorced shortly after her birth, his contact is sporadic at best as he us an alcoholic. He has never paid any child maintenance. On both entering and leaving I was asked did i permission from him to travel with her. I have never been asked this entering Spain, Italy, Greece. Several days ago and I am still so upset/ angry about it. I understand they are trying to prevent child abduction and I didn't explain my situation to the immigration officer. I am going to ask my exh for a letter of consent to travel with her as I can imagine it's only going to get worse leaving the EU, but it does seem to me endemic sexism. I cannot enforce any reciprocal child maintenance claim/ order because I am resident inn the Uk/ British and he is Dutch, but the Dutch authorities exoect me to get his consent to travel with the child I provide everything for?
I'm planning to take her back to the Netherlands, with a letter of consent. If I make this point at immigration next time am I likely to get in trouble. Am I being unreasonable to feel so affronted by this? I'

Why do you assume that a single father travelling to the Netherlands wouldn't be asked for precisely the same?

I just take a copy of my daughter's birth certificate when we travel. And go straight through.

I just take a copy of my daughter's birth certificate when we travel

You see - I don't know how that stops child abduction.

It shows that you are her parent. But parents do abduct their child and take them to other countries - and that's the most common form of child abduction.

It reduces the chances of a stranger abducting a child - but that's very very rare.

DH is Algerian and I had to give him a consent letter to travel there with the DC. IIRC I also had to consent to him getting them Algerian passports. We are married and the DC have DH’s surname not mine.

There is no way in hell I am asking DD's absent non maintenance paying father if he minds awfully if I take her on a tui package to Tenerife for a week. Not a chance. She is an older child though, maybe that makes a difference.

I was asked a couple of weeks ago whilst leaving Spain with my 16 year old. They only asked if we were related. Nothing else. We both have Spanish passports.

Occasionally, when he was little, we would be asked extra questions coming into England.

The only times I've carried a consent letter from his dad has been to travel round South America or India, but Europe is getting stricter

MerlotMum65 my brothers neighbour was stopped with a 15 yr old and a 13 yr old. Border force officer offered to let them board if the other parent with PR sent a copy of his passport and an email. Because the ex is an utter bastard, he refused. They weren't allowed to board and missed their holiday.

If your bc shows a single parent,
If you have a CAO giving permission
If you have a letter of consent from everyone with PR
If you have obtained a specific steps order

You have no worries.

If you have travelled with your under 16yr old child and 'have never had a problem ' this is not sufficient and quite honestly irresponsible. You don't need to speak to an absent/irresponsible ex. There are 2 other options via the courts and a darn site cheaper and less stressful than a cancelled holiday.
'I've never been caught/refused' is no different from Driving a car without a license. It's the law. Just because you can drive, just because you've never been stopped... doesn't mean it's not needed.

To most of you who seem ambivalent about this, please don't be. I was staying with my brother when his neighbours and 2 kids returned home from the airport. They were heading to Disney land for a first ever trip abroad funded by Grandfathers retirement . A one off, only affordable once opportunity.

It really isn't something to be complacent about and chance to luck that you get the 'right' official on the gate.

my sister is divorced and was advised at Gatwick airport that she should bring her kids birth certificates with her next time they travelled.

Fair enough, but the odd thing about this conversation was that it took place on the last leg of our journey home from Florida where we’d been for a fortnight. She wasn’t asked on the way out through Glasgow or gatwick or when leaving Orlando, only once we had landed back in London.

I've found Manchester to be inconsistent - We've been checked when myself, DP(female) and DD have travelled the last few times and myself and DD share surname. Just carried birth certificate as well until she hit 18.

However when myself, same DP, DD and DSS(now DS) travelled, and DS at that time had his fathers surname, different to the rest of us, we weren't afforded a second glance.

Very sloppy.

We are saving to consult a lawyer because ideally DH would adopt him - he's been more "dad" to him than his own dad ever has, since he was 2. Though as I understand it this is also difficult to do under UK law and the preferred route is to add PR to the stepparent without severing the ties to the absent birth parent

@BertieBotts
Sigh, I've been through this. I entered DS life before he was two, DP and BF had separated prior to birth and BF has seen DS about four, five, times in the following 20-odd years.

I have tried to adopt him numerous times, with DP showing records of domestic violence, alcoholism and lack of contact, and have spent hundreds on legal fees. The key point, and it's a laughable one where abuse is concerned, the birth-father, or birth-mother, has to agree to the adoption. (Note: BF was named on the birth certificate, not sure if things change if they aren't). Of course he was never going to agree, preferring to spite me. DS legally changed his surname the second he turned 18. There's a pathway to take post-18, Social Services have all the information (the ability to adopt ceases at 18 I was told).

As myself and DS have often said the love and respect we have for each other doesn't need a piece of paper to confirm our relationship, and I couldn't love him more if I'd fathered him, but I will concede having an adoption certificate would've made things easier in terms of BF being a twat.

My very best wishes.