To be bloody done with "D" H and thinking he's had more than enough chances.

[DivorceIsOnTheHorizon]

We've been together 6 years this years married for 3 (the last two being rough as hell)

He's always been... useless however less so now than when we first met. He was by definition a man child (couldn't cook, couldn't wash his own things, use a dishwasher etc It got to the point when I had DC2 I had to write him pictures/details instructions on how to use the dishwasher/washing machine etc whilst I recovered from my section. Even then I was doing chores he refused to do less than a week later. Despite that I loved him and married him He then proceeded to get worse (believe it or not) and as well as doing nothing round the house he then added in sleeping all the time and by all the time we're talking 40+ hours over the span of 3 days if he wasn't sleeping he was lounging in bed or drinking.

I had enough in 2018 and said unless he changed that was it. He moved back into his mums and it seemed after a long while he improved. Living apart seemed to benefit us but he slowly started to slip.

It all came to a head yesterday Im currently pregnant suffering with PGP/SPD, being the main parent to DS1/2 as well as working. The midwife has told me the usual of no heavy lifting/take it easy etc but if I don't do anything it just doesn't get done. for example I went to see my mum with DS1, I asked him to take the suitcase upstairs when I got home. It sat there for 2 weeks before I finally dragged it upstairs, the washing I asked him to put on sits there until I do it.

He sits on his phone whilst I do dinner for everyone cause If I don't nobody else will. Finally yesterday as he watched me take 2 baskets of washing upstairs, supervise the kids upstairs, sorting out their rooms and he sat downstairs "reading the news" I told him if he wasn't going to help with the washing the least he could do was do the kids dinner. He kicked off saying it wasn't his house why should he have to do it and "fuck this shit" before he stormed off to work nearly 2 hours early.

It then came out unbeknown to me that when the kids were going to his he wasn't doing anything with them there! His mum is doing their washing, dinners/lunch/breakfast, tidying up after them. He forgets to wash them or to tell them to brush their teeth and they're confined to the spare room and his room in the upstairs of his house. DS1 doesn't even have a bed frame for his bed as he took it away saying it was "too noisy" and DS2 sleeps in bed with him (Despite myself, the SENCo team etc telling him that him doing things like that hinders DS2).

I told him I was tired of either badgering him to do the most simplest of things or having to just do them myself with no help which lately means Im struggling to walk by the end of the day, because "I'll do it tomorrow" really means never. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and its unreasonable and selfish of me to expect him to help me when he goes to work.

AIBU in thinking fuck this shit and applying for a divorce?

Harsh people on here today!
His mother sounds a piece of work too, basically enabling his shit and allowing the children to be treated that way. Good luck with your divorce, sounds like the right decision.

He thanks he's King fucking dick doesn't he, expecting to be serviced as a joint effort by you and his mum. Let his mum have that role full time.

Ok first, lemme just join in by ignoring OP's AIBU, berate her for having sex with her own husband whilst on contraception, imply her children are a mistake and generally be a cunt.

Now that's out of the way.

YANBU. Leave the prick. You're doing it all by yourself already, you don't need the extra hassle.

OP, do not permit him to keep coming around and using your place like it's his own. Reduce contact-kids stuff only.
This man does not enrich your life at all---on the contrary, he is a parasite who leeches off of you.
End it.
And, yes, file for divorce.

YANBU to divorce him
YABU to keep having kids with this twat- why do you keep having kids with a man who is clearly fcking useless?

Get rid of him- he's useless

Dear lord, read up 🙄.

Here is one more voice being supportive.

Just ignore those horrible posters so relishing having a go at you...

I think you know what to do it's just you need the motivation/energy to do it. Especially so much harder as you're pregnant. It's sometimes easier to carry on with the misery rather than the upheaval but in the long run you will feel better mentally if you make a clean break. He may never change as their is no consequence. Your kids will grow up watching you be strong and independent and they will come to know the reason why you couldn't live like that anymore. You need to show them its not acceptable for a husband/partner to behave the way he does. He may have depression or other underlying reasons for his behavior but he needs to seek help for that and you can support him if this is the case but other than that, i think it's time to be real and do what's best for your kids x

I find it ironic that the people claiming you should be clever enough to not have kids with this muppet are themselves stupid enough to be incapable of reading the full thread.

Reading a thread is hardly difficult.

OP, leave him, kick his arse out permanently, let his mother have him if thats what she wants and raise your boys to be better than this loser. I am sure it will be easier doing without him, than with!

Wow let's pile on the OP having a bad time eh? Kick her some more while she's down? Those being critical read the full thread!

She's already explained about contraception and the fact she doesn't want terminations and that she had a very bad first relationship.

Op you know you need to make changes it's not good for you or your children he has had chances and thinks you will just put up with it. Good luck you can do it. Lots of help and advice available maybe not on AIBU though

Divorcing is sensible
Are the kids better off with some kind of relationship or none? Because he doesn't sound like the sort to peruse it. Do you get on with his Mum?

Sounds like Nothing good will come of staying with him.

And

Stop sleeping with useless men.

AIBU can be a very harsh place OP, please try and ignore the people piling on to ask you why you’re pregnant again!

In terms of divorce, you know it’s what needs to happen as he’s not good for you or your children. Get a lawyer. In terms of your worries about the boys - it’s natural that they’ll be upset but given that your STBXH isn’t very reliable I’d suggest going for court ordered contact, that way they can get into a rhythm of when they see him and you should also have some legal backup if things like one of your sons not having a bed doesn’t get fixed. While I agree with others that your MIL is clearly an enabler and it’s pathetic that he doesn’t look after his own children while they’re with him at least you’ll know that someone is washing and feeding them, even if it’s wrong that he’s palming it’s off to his mum.

I was in a very similar position with a useless and rude man-child, with one, two and then three small children (I guess I’m very fertile too) so I hope that my input might help you.

Getting pregnant when a relationship isn’t perfect is hardly unusual- just unlucky.

STBXH is also a mummy’s boy, and although I wish ex-MIL had brought her son up differently, at least my DCs get fed etc. thanks to her.

There were several times when I very nearly left but I didn’t quite have the guts to do it. I also feared for my children’s well-being if we separated and he had partial custody.

A small part of me always hoped things would improve- and I was also unsure of how to cope with ‘single parent’ status.

In the end it was the realisation that he would never change that gave me the courage to leave. I also read up on personality disorders and very unprofessionally diagnosed him myself. That helped me realise he really could not change.

Now I live separately and have no regrets about leaving. The children preferred their previous life in one house, but I was turning into a very angry and very frustrated person so really had no choice.

If you don’t have safety concerns for your children if he looks after them, I would leave (or kick him out if it’s your house) as soon as you can.

@Socialmediashy With what has come to light the DCs won't be going there. There is no point sending them to be cared for my by his mother whilst he does fuck all. I have applied for a divorce, he can try and go for a CAO but I can't exactly see him standing in front of a judge saying "Oh yeah I don't feed them, clothe them, attend to their basic hygiene needs and took away ones bed cause I deemed it "too noisy".

I haven't spoken to him since our argument Friday and as such he hasn't asked how the kids are, to see them etc. I have applied for divorce.

Well done @DivorceIsOnTheHorizon!!! He’s shown his true colours and you and dc will be so much better off.

@AnneGrapes it must be lovely to be as perfect as you! Nasty nasty person.
Just because it’s anonymous people feel the need to be bitches. How many of you are wandering around with the “be kind” T-shirt’s on, then coming on an anonymous forum and just being pure spiteful.

You're doing the right thing op. Just keep focused on your DC and leave DH to his own devices, he has had plenty of chances by the sound of it.

Well done you 👏

Well done. It takes strength to take the decision so you should be proud of yourself.

All the best for your pregnancy

You’re doing the right thing. The man sounds like a waste of space - I bet his parents are so proud .

Onwards and upwards OP!!

YANBU. Been there done that. Although my exDH was perfectly capable just choose to do hardly anything unless direct benefit to him. "Fuck this shit" is also an expression I heard alot as well as "What's in it for me?". Clearly he is never going to step up. I would get lots of advice before you end it and make sure you understand your legal and financial position. It is the most stressful thing you will ever do but actually you will find it overall less stressful than the day to day grind of living with someone like that. It is also worth thinking about what message the kids are receiving when they watch how you two interact. Do you want to send the message to your dd or ds that this behaviour is acceptable? Either to give or receive? Good Luck! xx

You need support OP, not insulting, there are some ignorant people on this forum, I hope you find freedom and happiness

Just caught up with the thread...well done! Am still having the fight of my life - money sorted but fighting over contact as he wants the 'status' of being a dad. He also palms them off on my exMIL. I guess that will never change. You sound like a really strong person.