To be bloody done with "D" H and thinking he's had more than enough chances.

[DivorceIsOnTheHorizon]

We've been together 6 years this years married for 3 (the last two being rough as hell)

He's always been... useless however less so now than when we first met. He was by definition a man child (couldn't cook, couldn't wash his own things, use a dishwasher etc It got to the point when I had DC2 I had to write him pictures/details instructions on how to use the dishwasher/washing machine etc whilst I recovered from my section. Even then I was doing chores he refused to do less than a week later. Despite that I loved him and married him He then proceeded to get worse (believe it or not) and as well as doing nothing round the house he then added in sleeping all the time and by all the time we're talking 40+ hours over the span of 3 days if he wasn't sleeping he was lounging in bed or drinking.

I had enough in 2018 and said unless he changed that was it. He moved back into his mums and it seemed after a long while he improved. Living apart seemed to benefit us but he slowly started to slip.

It all came to a head yesterday Im currently pregnant suffering with PGP/SPD, being the main parent to DS1/2 as well as working. The midwife has told me the usual of no heavy lifting/take it easy etc but if I don't do anything it just doesn't get done. for example I went to see my mum with DS1, I asked him to take the suitcase upstairs when I got home. It sat there for 2 weeks before I finally dragged it upstairs, the washing I asked him to put on sits there until I do it.

He sits on his phone whilst I do dinner for everyone cause If I don't nobody else will. Finally yesterday as he watched me take 2 baskets of washing upstairs, supervise the kids upstairs, sorting out their rooms and he sat downstairs "reading the news" I told him if he wasn't going to help with the washing the least he could do was do the kids dinner. He kicked off saying it wasn't his house why should he have to do it and "fuck this shit" before he stormed off to work nearly 2 hours early.

It then came out unbeknown to me that when the kids were going to his he wasn't doing anything with them there! His mum is doing their washing, dinners/lunch/breakfast, tidying up after them. He forgets to wash them or to tell them to brush their teeth and they're confined to the spare room and his room in the upstairs of his house. DS1 doesn't even have a bed frame for his bed as he took it away saying it was "too noisy" and DS2 sleeps in bed with him (Despite myself, the SENCo team etc telling him that him doing things like that hinders DS2).

I told him I was tired of either badgering him to do the most simplest of things or having to just do them myself with no help which lately means Im struggling to walk by the end of the day, because "I'll do it tomorrow" really means never. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and its unreasonable and selfish of me to expect him to help me when he goes to work.

AIBU in thinking fuck this shit and applying for a divorce?

@TorkTorkBam Oh I can imagine it'll be pretty easy tbh. I've never had to divorce anyone though. I'd sort all that aspect out anyway so it's not like he'd have to actually do anything but sign the papers.

Im more worried bout DS's who adore him and will undoubtedly want to see him sometime soon

So he’s not paying his mum rent for his 50% there, he’s not paying you for his 50% there, he pays nothing for the children.

He has a job? So where’s his money going?

absolutely divorce him properly, and you can’t tell him it’s over today. When baby is born can you even trust him to hold the baby for a moment anyway?

I’m sorry you’ve copped so much flak on the contraceptive, but you do need to assume hormonal contraceptives don’t work for you now. Stop trusting your Gp If they say otherwise as the evidence clearly says they are wrong. But I’d never ever have sex with this guy again either way. I can’t think of much thats less attractive than too lazy to feed his children (& how pathetic to be so enabled by his parents)

Your kids will be better in the long run if you divorce, even if the short term hurts them.
Sounds like you’ve dealt with a lot of crap in your life, you deserve better .

He’s a dick, leave him

So where is his money going?

Weed?

I would focus solely on legals and child maintenance. Go for legal advice. Squeeze as much as you can. Men like that always have their Mummy to look after them. They don't need to live a responsible life. They will always have the back up of no rent, dinners made etc. When Mummy dies, they usually get the mortgage free house and then move someone in to make their dinners. He is set. Get as much money as you can for you and your children.

Put your CMS claim in tomorrow,

Change your locks

Start divorce proceedings

For future relationships very clearly the pill is not enough to stop pregnancy (some people are super fertile) so use double protection every time.

The Op says- I can't use the coil or injection wrong'.

Not sure what she means.

is 'wrong' a poster here and she was replying to her?

What did you use?

You said your coil moved so was no longer working, fair enough. Can happen and you got DC2.

But what did you use when you conceived DC3?

And why the heck did you have sex with this man?

@AnneLovesGilbert I never said he wasn't paying his mum rent in fact you never asked that question. He is paying her rent and copious other bills for her house. That is where his money will be going I assume

@CalleighDoodle 🙄🙄🙄

Jesus Christ will people stop having a go at her about contraception and sleeping with her husband. What do you get from kicking someone who’s in a bad place? Bloody awful behaviour from many pp.

OP. No you wouldn’t be unreasonable to have had enough and divorce him, I think your life would improve massively. Do you have support around you? Sounds like you can stay in your home which is a good start. I don’t have any practical advice, hopefully others will have.

OP
You’ve moved from one type of abusive to another.
Leave him and take time for yourself and your children. You are worth so much more than both of them.

A less shit partner is not the same as a good partner.

@yabadabadontdoit Yes I have support If I choose to take it and the tenancy is in solely my name so we don't have to go anywhere.

@JinglingHellsBells op was on the depo injection when she fell pregnant with her 3rd baby.

Wow some of the people on here? Unbelievable.

I’m sorry OP. He’s never going to change. You don’t deserve this. Don’t waste your life waiting for him to change. You’re better off without him

JinglingHellsBells

It's honestly not that difficult to keep up. Another poster said the OP must not have been using her contraception correctly.

OP replied to tell her that the contraception methods she was using were ones intended to eliminate user error entirely, and she couldn't have been misusing them.

How old is DS?

@TorkTorkBam which one? One is nearly 8 the other will be 5 soon.

Your H is showing you deep disrespect by not doing his share around the house and family. His laziness says he doesn’t really care about you and the fact that he is actually getting worse just underlines this.

It does sound as if whatever love you once had has been worn away by his selfishness, but only you can decide if this is the end for you.

I would def investigate what’s going wrong with your contraception going forward as you don’t want any more ‘accidents’....

Worse then, so he’s contributing money to his mum but not his wife and children.

You know you and your kids deserve better than this. If you know his approx salary you can work out how much child support you’ll get for DS2 and your baby once it’s here.

Hope you haven't been hurt by the thoughtless and downright mean comments here. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

My advice is to gather all the support you can muster, rope DS1 in to help with laundry, lower standards a bit wrt anything that involves heavy lifting (or get someone to help with jobs like laundry) and never allow your useless manchild to cross your threshold again. Don't have him at the hospital when you give birth, and don't put him on the birth cert. Don't have him as babysitter when you deliver either.

Divorce him and quite honestly, forget about letting the children see him anywhere except in a supervised contact setting but preferably not at all.
...they're confined to the spare room and his room in the upstairs of his house. DS1 doesn't even have a bed frame for his bed as he took it away saying it was "too noisy" and DS2 sleeps in bed with him (Despite myself, the SENCo team etc telling him that him doing things like that hinders DS2).
He is not a good father, and facilitating extended contact with him where the children are basically cooped up in two rooms and not provided with proper furnishings is going to have a horrible effect on them. Better to make him spend an hour or two in a contact centre, but I would be inclined to cut off contact altogether. He sounds like an angry, self centered arsehold who will only have a bad effect on the children.

For yourself, I highly recommend doing the Freedom Programme run by Women's Aid.

You will find yourself with more energy and getting more joy out of life without the weight of all this dragging you down. The children will feel very positive about the new you.

At that age the children will get over it quickly if you handle it right. He sits on his phone instead of making dinner or playing with them. He won't give them beds. I doubt they do actually adore him. If they do, it won't be long before they twig that he isn't interested in them.

Ditch him asap. What a waste of space.
Hope you have some RL support OP.
Some very uncalled for remarks on this thread.
Take care.

Text him and tell him not to bother coming back. When would he like the children.
Start a cm claim.

OP, I think you’re totally spot on with your instinct to leave him. Trust your judgement and make your plans. You know you deserve better and that he is making your life harder!