BIL asking for money for nephew’s birthday instead of a gift, AIBU?

[Rightmovestalker]

We aren’t close and don’t see a lot of them, maybe twice a year but Dh and I make an effort for birthday/xmas presents, which AFAIK are well received.

This year dh’s brother sent us a message saying “please give cash this year so nephew can get something he likes” with a link to donate. There was no text or preamble or note saying “buy a present if you’d prefer” and it feels a bit rude. AIBU? Nephew is 14 and previous presents have included Adidas tops, Amazon vouchers.

YABU = completely acceptable of BIL, fair enough
YANBU = cheeky, rude

I think that the message was rude. Could you be sure that he would get the money and not his father? I would personally put money in a card and give it directly to your DN.

I agree that the message could have been better worded, but this is a close family member. When my nieces and nephews have birthdays coming up I always ask my sisters what they might like, especially now that all the children are teenagers.

Sometimes there's something they can suggest. Sometimes they just say money or voucher as there nothing they can think of. I have no objection to either.

@Familyof Aliens it looks like the BIL will have a good few beers with the £55 tonight!

My dcs would have much preferred and at that age, but asking for a gift is rude unless the giver has asked first.

Teens do seem to seem to like money best, and they don’t have to be ‘saving up for something’. Money gives them freedom and independence.

It’s great to contribute to something if they are saving, but I am also happy if they spend birthday money in McDs or Nando’s with their friends. Friends can be everything to a 14 yo.

I think the wording was clumsy but that a lot of parents would prefer money for their kids and in some ways it is easier. I would just send £20 and be done.

Lucky teen to get £55!