Just lost it with my mum

[Sofeckingangry]

Hi all
I've name changed for this thread and would really appreciate some feedback as I am just so angry at the moment.
My DM is a fairly toxic person - if anything happens she will immediately feel personally slighted. For example she talks about suing doctors or the council on a regular basis.
While I was growing up she was always making digs about my weight. She even asked my headteacher at primary school to embarrass me in front of the whole school at assembly for the number of puddings I ate. She doesn't remember this but that feeling of total humiiation has stayed with me forever (I'm in my 40s).
Anyway, the comments have continued but I have learned to ignore ignore ignore. My DH is lovely and has never once made me feel fat or ugly and I have been a size 10 and also a size 16. I am probably a 12 to 14 at the moment.
Tonight she popped round (she lives a mile away) and while we were eating she said to my DS 14 'wow, you almost need a bra'. I just lost it and shouted at her to get out of my house and that this was unacceptable.I think I also told her that she was a terrible parent. I did shout and I know I shouldn't have (I am in no way a shouty person normally) but she left saying that unless I apologised she would never speak to me again.
I don't want to apologise but perhaps I overreacted. It wouldn't massively bother me if I went NC with her (she can call my DSs no issues with that at all) but perhaps she is the one who should say sorry.
I'd appreciate your thoughts.

[Cherrysoup]

Why on earth would you let her talk to your ds after she said that about him?! What would you be apologising for? Her extreme rudeness to your ds? Go nc, I bet you enjoy life more.

[CrotchetyQuaver]

Good for you OP, your response sounds absolutely spot on to me, and take her up on her offer of never speaking to you again.

[theoriginalmadambee]

OP is your mother called Karenjohnson .

Please don't submit your dc to the same abuse, you have suffered.

[partofthepeanutgallery]

I wouldn't apologise ... long overdue probably ... and bonus, she's not talking to you!

[PanamaPattie]

I knew it would be bloody nuns as soon as you mentioned the school incident. Well done OP for sticking up for your DS. Cut her out of your lives. People like her need to be left alone in their own toxic misery.

[Fourtights]

I think you did the right thing and it's good that your DS saw you sticking up for him.

Just be aware that you will likely experience her behaviour ramping up in the next few weeks and months. She will most likely attempt to get you back under her control, by attention seeking, getting others to contact you or some other method. Be strong and don't back down and don't apologise. Refuse to discuss it with anyone else she sends to talk to you about it.

[strawberry2017]

You did the right thing. It's bad enough that she did it to her own daughter but to start in her grandchildren. She's clearly a nasty b*tch

[Mum2jenny]

Your mum is nasty, just protect your son.

If she was my mum, I’d ask for an apology and if I didn’t get it, I’d be nc for sure.

You are 200% in the right.

[Hypergear]

@MulticolourMophead
These two instances were approx 30 years apart so it's not that black and white. I'm not saying your wrong, but I do think it's dangerous to make such a judgement on a person with only a few paragraphs of information about the person. Therefore not entirely fair for other posters to say that she shouldn't let her son have contact with her IMO.

[1Morewineplease]

No... no apologies until she admits that she was completely in the wrong.
Your poor DS. I hope that you’ve been able to explain to him about his granny’s error of judgement.
I’m so sorry that your mum has made you feel this way for so long.

[TheMotherofAllDilemmas]

About time... today you defended your son and the little girl inside you.

You may grow up being emotionally abused but don’t they there to touch your kids because they get, rightly, the response they were long overdue.

Don’t apologise, protecting your son from such comments is well worth going no contact.

[foodandwine89]

I still remember being about 13, suddenly grew boobs and hips, walking into my grandma's house...she pinched my thighs, tut tutted and took me to the kitchen and showed me all the jams she had made and put on top of the highest shelves so I couldn't reach them. I mean wtf?? Shit like that stays with you. She sound like a horrible person.

[WatchingFromTheWings]

I think you were quite restrained. I'd have physically thrown her out myself!

[netstaller]

She sounds horrible, do not apologise or she will never recognise her horrible behaviour for what it is - cruel and unnecessary

[Leeds2]

I think you did just great, standing up for DS. He will most probably remember that forever.
How did he react at the time?

[RhitaGawr]

Wow, what a horrible cow, do not apologise! We have a family member who does this also. Called her out on it and now have minimal contact.Your mother will be in touch wheedling. Tell her where to go and that her toxic behaviour has rendered your relationship unworkable.
Enjoy your wine

[Tistheseason17]

Well done, OP! YANBU!! Stay strong!

[Alyic]

Some times it's just the straw that breaks the camels back, I would have kicked her out for such a comment.

My mother is pretty much the same.

[Yeeted]

YANBU to not allow her to body shame you or any member of your family. I just cannot imagine ever saying such vile things to my DD or my DGC about their appearance. I’m sorry you and your boy have been on the receiving end up such hurtful remarks and humiliation. 💐

[UYScuti]

she would never speak to me again
hehe, lucky you, she's voluntarily removing herself from your life
WIN-WIN

[UYScuti]

I'd have had to restrain myself from lamping her one, what a despicable thing to say, she's VILE:(

[isittooearlyforgin]

I don’t understand people who need to make other people feel bad to make themselves feel good, especially those they profess to love. Your mother has finally drawn a line for you after her comments about your son. You were advocating for him and for your past self. It’s time to say enough. You were not out of line. Enough is enough.

[Iloveacurry]

Go NC. She’s sounds like a right bitch.

[justasking111]

Time to go NC. You will enjoy the peace frankly. I do