What is something socially acceptable for one gender to do but not the other?

[FunkyTime]

Anything you can think off?

I will start
Going topless - men it's totally fine but women get heckled and slagged off for it

I really envy men in the summer.
I would really love to walk around naked to the waist when it's hot!

Very true, but the flipside is that, when swimming, men who are self-conscious about their upper bodies (flabby belly, spotty back etc) aren't allowed to cover it up. Most of a woman's one-piece doesn't actually cover anything private (otherwise, bikinis wouldn't be acceptable), but it's a standard and very popular option.

It's acceptable for men to have huge/double portions of food when eating out and it's laughed off with "Tim's a big/hard-working chap, Phil likes his food or Mark's always had a good appetite". If a woman orders the extra-large portion or a couple of sides - even if she's had nothing all day and has been saving herself for a special big treat - she will get sideways looks and often comments about watching her weight or "steady on".

Definitely the childcare issue. It's seen as unacceptable for a woman to not be thinking of her kids every waking moment (even if they're safe with their father or another responsible adult); whereas it's often unacceptable for a man to think about them too much e.g. asking for flexitime or wanting to work part-time. I've seen a lot of job adverts for part-time roles that say something like 'would suit a mum wanting to work around school hours' but never any saying 'a dad', or even simply 'a parent'.

Not paying for your kids.

I don't think that is socially acceptable

Its seen as more socially acceptable for men to not pay than it is for women.

My best friend is a single parent. Her ex hasn't paid her a penny in maintenance for over a year now. She's been told to her face by several people, including her own mum, that it doesn't really matter because he has them every other weekend and one might during the week. Apparently it would be "fair enough" to pursue him for maintenance if he wasn't having them overnight at all but the time he does have them should be in lieu of money.

Agreeing with so many of the suggestions so far.

I'd add:

• it's not considered unacceptable for men to be a bit (or a lot) crap at housework and cooking
• women are expected to stick with their family whereas son's are transient e.g., that rhyme about a daughter being for life but a son is only yours until he has a wife
• it's more acceptable for men to talk about issues affecting men whereas when women try to talk about issues affecting women they are chided for not thinking about how those issues affect men

Single mothers = bad, probably cheating the tax payers.

^^

Exactly! But it's only 50% their fault. What about the dads?!

In many cases, it's 0% their fault, when the father has simply upped and left and they're the ones who've stuck around to actually parent their children.

Sitting with your legs spread as far as they will comfortably go

You're right, sausage, I should have used the word 'responsibility' rather than 'fault'.

Wearing bows in their hair.

Fine for men to wear them round their neck, but never above the hairline.

Grooming.
Women not shaving legs, armpits or not removing facial hair is viewed as "disgusting" by the vast majority (especially other women.)
Men shaving legs or armpits is "weird."
I think shaving legs etc for either sex is weird. Where did it all come from this obsession of removing hair? Fair enough for hygiene reasons.

Farting. My dh farts like a bastard but gives me a look if I do a noisy one.

Paying for first/early dates. There are lots of discussions about whether a woman should expect to be paid for, offer to pay her way or insist on paying her way - but it's neither socially acceptable for a woman to pay for more than her own meal nor for a man to even consider not at the very least paying for his own.

Squealing with delight or screaming on roller coasters

School sports-day parents' races. It's acceptable for ALL dads to clamour to join in and be 'you da man!' (if they do well) or 'be up for a laugh' if they do shockingly badly. It's not unacceptable for mums to join in, but it will invariably be the sportier, fitter ones who do. The mums who know they won't do very well usually don't volunteer - if they do, there isn't the same good-natured congratulatory reaction to their 'failure'.

I find women are judged far more harshly for being overweight/obese than men are.

Being slim seems much more acceptable for women than men, whereas being overweight is more acceptable for men. I'm sure I read a study on this somewhere, where women were more likely to be successful in their careers if they were slim, but weight didn't have the same effect for men.

Domestic violence against men is much more acceptable (even 'funny') unfortunately. Topical given the recent Caroline Flack news - although this is a very sad case, I wonder how many sympathetic comments there would be about a man committing suicide after being charged with hitting his girlfriend around the head with a lamp (whether or not he actually did it)?

Much less acceptable for men to have an opinion on pregnancy, looking after young babies, etc. Much less acceptable for a woman to leave her children for any length of time.

Men have much less control over the fate of their unborn children than women. Ultimately it is usually the woman's choice whether to bring the baby into the world or not.

Men also do not suffer the many health hazards of pregnancy and birth. Complications of both are potentially life-threatening (and not that uncommon) and even a relatively straightforward pregnancy takes many months to recover from properly. Men can walk away from a family in a way most women can't.

I think the physical side of childbearing is a whole other dimension that men simply are not equipped to even comprehend, let alone make a claim on.

As well as farting, being 'found out' pooing in public. As in, in public toilets - not in the middle of the park!

The number of women on MN who will admit feeling terrible shame if anybody else should find out that they've been dealing with a natural universal function in a place that's specifically designed and designated for the purpose. A natural function that everybody knows makes a splash and a stink when dispatched - but heaven forfend that anybody else should hear or smell evidence of your having done it.

I can't imagine there are many men out there who would nudge other men and say with disgust "Psst, Colin just went to the toilets - AND HE HAD A POO, the filthy animal."

I can only think of 'wee standing up'

Domestic violence against men is much more acceptable

True. Melanie Sykes' and Kelly Brook's long-term careers had the faintest blip if that, but nobody ever says a word about it now.

GEt yourself a shewee and your sorted. (Never tried myself.)

People do often remark on a woman choosing to drink a pint. Annoying.

I've drunk pints for over 40 years and the last time I can recall someone commentig on it was 1983 (he soon learned to live with it lol).

And we're an equal opps household when it comes to farting, too.

I think that women are considered "stroppy" or "mouthy" when they're outspoken or frank though, and men regarded as just being frank.

Be kept by your spouse when there arent young children involved. Only for women.

Prioritise your career. This is greatly frowned upon in women unless they are orphaned and single. And even then its greeted with suspicion or pity.

Breast feed. Very frowned upon for men to try to do in public.

Men have much less control over the fate of their unborn children than women. Ultimately it is usually the woman's choice whether to bring the baby into the world or not.

Men also do not suffer the many health hazards of pregnancy and birth. Complications of both are potentially life-threatening (and not that uncommon) and even a relatively straightforward pregnancy takes many months to recover from properly. Men can walk away from a family in a way most women can't.

I think the physical side of childbearing is a whole other dimension that men simply are not equipped to even comprehend, let alone make a claim on.

What you say in the first part is absolutely true, but equally, the original statement still holds in that, because of the means by which a child comes into the world and the toll that it will take on a woman, a man (even the sort who 'do' take their parenthood responsibilities very seriously for life) is ultimately completely powerless in the matter of whether or not he can ever experience the privilege of having a child(ren) to share decades of his life with.

GEt yourself a shewee and your sorted.

But, to be fair, men can never legally commandeer a policeman's helmet for said purpose by being (or claiming to be) pregnant

I am in my thirties and had several comments during my university years about how "women don't drink pints." I seem to recall my response wasn't polite. I was also called a fat cunt for standing my ground and refusing to be pushed aside at a bar and so getting served before the man who had decided he should get served before me. I can't see a young woman either feeling the entitlement or getting away with doing that.

@Boredbumhead

I agree with your comment regarding pubs. In my experience it’s more acceptable for men to go in to a pub and drink a few pints at the bar or sit down and read a newspaper.

I would be questioned if I was to do that!

My partner will go into a pub if he is killing time, whereas I would go into a coffee shop.

For some reason, it’s only in airports I feel comfortable to stop for a drink on my own!

*The topless thing is different though, and it's naive to suggest otherwise. Breasts in women are a secondary sexual characteristic. In men, they're not.

A man's chest is not a physiologically sexual stimulant to the opposite sex, a woman's breasts are*

This is cultural, though. There are cultures past and present where breasts are not considered sexual (eg, Ancient Rome, parts of subsaharan Africa today). We're just currently living in a time and place where people insist they are. Similarly there are other cultures in the world that consider other body parts than breasts to be sexual for men and in need of covering up that British culture generally doesn't, eg. women's hair in parts if the middle east, women's upper arms, shoulders and back in Japan (but wearing thigh high socks isn't considered sexual like it would be here because legs aren't sexual in Japan). It varies hugely between cultures and I don't think we should just go around assuming that the way we think of things in this specific time and place is some kind ingrained, biological reality for all people when it's just the result of our specific cultural history and hang ups.

Anyway: being physically affectionate with members of the same sex. Less acceptable for men, although that does slowly seem to be changing here.

Crying at films.

Not driving. Slightly more socially acceptable for women.

Wearing comfy shoes in smart situations.

Spitting in public. Men.
I have never seen a woman spitting in public. Men.... Frequently.

A man looked at me today as I walked past (or turned his face in my direction) and belched disgustingly. I didn't know whether to be horrified or laugh. It was like something a 7 year old would do to a friend in the yard.