To ask you the worst things your toddler has done?

[farmertom]

I'm not sure how light hearted this is, hopefully a bit. Looking to feel a bit better about mine!
Just had a new baby and my gorgeous, gentle, well behaved little toddler (2.4 months) has turned into a moaning and hitting, doing the opposite of whatever is asked and refusing to get dressed/nappy change/eat little monster.
I feel absolutely awful! I feel so guilty like I've ruined his life with all this upheaval and especially the hitting makes me feel so bad.

Please tell me this is normal and that he'll be ok 😢😢😢😢

Ds1 (now 24 and has settled down a bit)

• Threw a toy car and hit his 2 week old brother cutting just below his eye.
• Ran off on me in the bank queue. Found 30 mins later after the police had arrived
• “Washed” the baby with sudocreme (we never did get it all out of the carpet.)
• Burnt himself on the light bulb in a lamp.
• Undid his brothers car seat belt so that his brother fell out of the (thankfully stationary) car.
• Climbed into the wash hand basin to reach the medicine cabinet and drank/spilt clove oil everywhere. I still smell it in my dreams.
• Cut the cuffs off his school sweatshirt and possibly his friends but he denied that.
• Cut his brothers hair
• Sharpened a large box of school pencils down to 1” stubs.
• Phoned the police and told them “mummy was out”. I had a bit of explaining to do.
• posted jigsaw pieces into the DVD player and the Wii.
• threw a kitchen roll at the gas hob setting it alight.

And that’s to name but a few. There were many more. I had to give up breastfeeding ds2 during the day as it was just impossible. I’m surprised I ever had ds2 & 3 and more so that they survived infancy.

Two dc so all of these aren't one child.

Smeared Vaseline all over the bathroom floor
Poured a cup of water all over my laptop
But me so hard it broke the skin
Picked up a random discarded biscuit they found in Ikea and took a bite before I could stop him

How could I forget?

Took my money from my purse and put it in the bin and hid all my cards underneath the tv stand.

Hidden keys in shoes

Hidden the tv remote in various places including the fridge and inside a toy lorry

QueenofallIsee

I’m in awe of you being brave enough to have another.
Our DTs were our last DC.

My 4 yr old said today 'I hate you mummy' and then slapped me in the face. He's just pushing boundaries but it's difficult not to feel gutted when he does things like that.

Our little boy went through a funny phase at 2. He started hitting me and throwing tantrums, literally throwing his toys across the room. I found if I raised my voice, it exacerbated the situation and it all just blew up, so I'd say "no, we don't hit", and hold his hands away. I don't know where it came from, but over the course of a month it went away, and now he's very huggy and happy and affectionate again.

I just hope it stays away as his little sister is due in June! It was strange that he got so cross out of nowhere and it just resolved itself though.

Posted my debit card down the back of the skirting board - visible but irretrievable.

Unscrewed ‘childproof’ Calpol lid and poured half a bottle over peppa pig toy/my bed while I was still half asleep (apparently she felt sick and needed medicine)

Removed washing machine drawer and posted screws down detergent chute (thank actual fuck for the rods from that magnetic fishing game)

Climbed on a stack of boxes to get very big Japanese steel cleaver from safely-out-of-reach knife magnet. Ran around being a pirate until I could catch him.

Took chunk out of kitchen wall with wrought iron poker (stored safely behind fire guard ha ha).

Drew on the freshly painted wall with wax crayons.

Threw kitchen utensils at nice lady viewing our house which we’re trying to sell.

Peered round train seat to tell the man sitting innocently minding his own business behind us “that man bit weird”

Posted friend’s beautiful silver teaspoons through a tiny hole in the floorboards.

Poured a whole bottle of aunt’s gorgeous expensive shampoo down the plug hole standing just out of my reach - couldn’t move as I was mid poo and I’m sure he’d calculated it on purpose.

Unlocked friend’s front door and let himself into the street in total silence while we were talking.

He is only 2. I currently feel about 102.

I notice Sudocrem and Vaseline feature heavily so I'll add mine. DS1 spread a giant, industrial-sized tub of Sudocrem over a sofa and a shag pile carpet in a rental flat.

Two of mine drew moustaches on each other using a Sharpie the day I had to get photos for emergency passports. You can see the outlines faintly on the photos . I had to scrub their little faces with baby oil to fade it.

One of mine jumped off the sofa onto his baby brother who was kicking on a playmat. Incredibly, the baby was not hurt or injured but I was so shocked and really shouted (not good).

Chewed a chunk out of one of my brand new shoes, still in the box

Oh and one flushed one of his first pair of shoes down the toilet. Very, very expensive emergency plumber to jet the drains plus another pair of bloody Start Rite shoes.

Weeding the garden one day my dd came beside me and hit me in the side of the face with a shovel resulting in me now having a scar just near my ear 😫😞

Mine poured a full bottle of juice on the sofa, made cold water gravy in his sisters pink Ugg boots and drew all over my bedside table with a pen.

One of mine cleaned his teeth with the toilet brush.

Middle one had a phase of licking everything and stuck his tongue to a freezer in Iceland. He also coloured in the entire new TV with an orange crayon. It still had bits of orange wax in the speakers when it was rehomed 10 years later.

Smallest one flooded the bathroom to the point water cascaded through the kitchen ceiling. He also put the new cordless phone in the toilet to keep it safe.

Called the plumber daddy, when hes perfectly aware who his dad is and that he was at work. Ran around shop displays staying juuust out of my reach, would drop in shops so i had to carry him screaming the whole length of the high st over my shoulder back to the car, ATE A WEEKS WORTH OF HIS GRANDMOTHERS CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS (fun call to 111 that was!) Blew his stitches on his balls every day for a week after an operation, broke my nose twice in 2 weeks with the back of his head, squashed and broke his thumb by somehow removing a concrete block from the fireplace when hed been sat watching tv 3seconds before. Thats only tip of the iceberg, i called him Chuckie for a good year 😑

@SleightOfMind

Can’t move, laughing so hard at pushing the old lady in the pool 😂😂😂😂😂

Was she absolutely fuming??

My husband tried to eat a lightbulb when he was a toddler. It shattered in his mouth and he had to be rushed to A&E

My DS is 15mo. Nothing major yet but I have had to have a root canal already due to him headbutting me with his huge head. Thankfully that's stopped and it was covered under the NHS year policy!

many yonks ago my two little darlings one morning got into the pantry when we thought like us they were in bed.
when i heard the giggling me and ex went downstairs and there they were covered in flour orange squash and worse of all sudocrem i had put it in the pantry because i was worried they would get it all over themselves. well they did and the mix of flour squash and sudocrem was not easy to get off believe me!
oh yes forgot the dog had a fair share of it too!

I have 5 dc. The incidents below all relate to second DS, my fourth born.

Sunday morning, all the family about to leave the house for church, walked in from the kitchen with a tin of emulsion paint and dropped it on the floor before anyone could reach him.

Raided my makeup bag, "enhanced" his eyebrows and drew on a moustache and announced "I am a big man now!"

I didn't learn my lesson and again found him with my makeup bag and my Estee Lauder lipstick drawing on the carpet.

Woke us up one morning giggling and announced "I pee'd in daddy's boot!"

Another Sunday morning - why is always when you are so busy? - we heard hysterical laughter from the kitchen and found him pouring milk into the box of cereal "to save time".

He has a scar across his thumb from the time he climbed onto the worktop and took a carving knife to peel an orange for his sister.

He drove a battery operated car over said sister's head leaving us no option but to cut the hair off to remove the car.

Playing hide and seek with his siblings, hit in a corner under the spare bed and fell asleep.

I am pleased to say that he is now married and a responsible member of society.

OP, my son has become like this lately - gone from being gentle and relaxed to being very disobedient and sometimes even aggressive. We haven’t had another child - nothing has changed at home. I put it down to his age!

Mashed his poo into a parquet floor, have you ever tried to get poo out of those tiny gaps?

Told a policemen 'You walk VEEEERY slowly because you are SO FAT'.
Early morning poo protest on the wall.
Told an old lady to fuck off when she tried to pinch his cheek.
Pulled out the bottom item in an enormous shop display and watched the whole thing collapse as if it happened for his entertainment.
Pulled down someones jogging bottoms in a queue.

Told an old lady to fuck off when she tried to pinch his cheek

I take it back. DS is an absolute angel compared to some of these!! (Though there is still plenty of time)

My twins are 3.5, both autistic and non verbal and don’t understand words but very good gross motor skills plus no sense of danger.

DT1 is insane. Earlier on I went into the kitchen to put a nappy in the bin. Came out and he was standing backwards on the edge of the table, balancing on his toes like a diver on the edge of a board - he then squatted down and jumped off backwards and landed perfectly. He is determined to give me a heart attack.