To ask you the worst things your toddler has done?

[farmertom]

I'm not sure how light hearted this is, hopefully a bit. Looking to feel a bit better about mine!
Just had a new baby and my gorgeous, gentle, well behaved little toddler (2.4 months) has turned into a moaning and hitting, doing the opposite of whatever is asked and refusing to get dressed/nappy change/eat little monster.
I feel absolutely awful! I feel so guilty like I've ruined his life with all this upheaval and especially the hitting makes me feel so bad.

Please tell me this is normal and that he'll be ok 😢😢😢😢

Ds1 was a dream toddler.
Ds2 however... Hideous tantrums, just bleddy awkward about everything.
Then one day it was quiet. Both boys playing upstairs quietly. I should have been suspicious. However ds2 was a non sleeping child, I was knackered and was enjoying some time to drink my coffee while it was still hot.
Then I heard a small noise. Sounded like a drip. Then another and another. There's water dripping off the ceiling! I barreled upstairs unsure what disaster I'd find.
I found ds2 in the bathroom having stuffed something down the plug hole of the sink and turned both taps on full. Flooded bathroom, water down the hall, dripping down the side of the staircase into the living room.
The thing down the plug hole was a loo roll inner. The rest of the loo roll was in the toilet. Too much to flush. Took me ages to clean up.
Have kids they said. It'll be fun they said.

Oh and I had to stop buying wooden toys as ds2 clonked me very heavily round the head with one. Looking back I think I had a mild concussion.

Painted her teeth with my nail varnish while simultaneously covering her baby sister in very sticky stickers.
Her teeth were a fetching shade of coral...
Fun.

The worst thing DS ever did was set off the burglar alarm. I realise I've got off very lightly indeed!

A friend's child redecorated the bathroom by colouring in all the grout between the tiles with wax crayons. So colourful!

These all happened with various DC, most while I was in the shower:

Put a happy meal toy in the toilet and we had to pay for a plumber to get it out

Unscrewed a light bulb and poured a glass of water into the empty lamp socket

Poured a gallon of apple juice between the couch cushions

Ate a handful of espresso beans (that was a fun morning...)

Learned to push a chair over to the front door to unlock the lock we had installed "out of reach" and ran down the street barefoot in below-freezing weather

Pumped a six month supply of hand soup into the sink

DS is now 25. When he was small he had a sensitivity to aspartame and some food colourings, which took us a while to figure out but once we had, we monitored his consumption very closely of course. It would turn him from a relatively compliant child into Damien from the Omen in a staggeringly short time.

At one point we moved up North with my Mum into a shared house with her and it needed alot of renovations, so B&Q pretty much became our second home. They had a cafe selling pretty wholesome fare, so as DS was peckish, we bought him a cookie with Smartie type sweets in it. He'd never reacted to a cookie, nor to actual Smarties - so when he suddenly took off like a howling banshee down the aisles it took us by utter surprise. It took three of us and an employee to corral him to the point where my Ex DH was able to pick him up and take him back to the car for a time out - he screamed he was being abducted and did rigid to floppy the whole time - was about 5 I suppose so big enough to make it quite the pantomime. We looked at the cookie wrapper - yep, it had two things in it that were on the avoid list. Our bad entirely. He grew out if it all when he hit puberty thank heavens.

Inly I minor thing in terms of what he did but the consequence ... turned the freezer off at the wall. We found out a good few days after - nearly £200 food gone to waste

DD poured a whole box of dry cat food on the armchair before I got back home with my friends for a drink. Ex-DH said ”she was quiet so I left her alone in the lounge while I checked my email”

Removed his own nappy & “painted” part of a wall with the contents.

DD1 shoved an egg noodle up her nose. I was sitting opposite her at the table when she did it and just sat there for a few seconds wondering if she really had done what I saw her do. She had. She'd shoved an egg noodle up her nose. We couldn't get hold of it to get it out, not even with tweezers, so we had to go to the walk-in. When the triage nurse had finished pissing herself laughing she told us to take a seat in the waiting room where DD happily and loudly told absolutely everyone the reason we were there so that they could piss themselves laughing too.

Same child has form for putting shit up her nose. When she was very little she would rummage around under the sofa for fluff and then stick it in her nostrils. One afternoon she had an apple that for whatever reason she had wanted cut into sticks rather than slices. Not long afterwards she kept rubbing her nose and telling me "ow... hurting". I sat her on my knee and tipped her back a bit, plugging one nostril was what appeared to be a crusty, dried snot. I started hooking at it with my fingernail to try and tease it out. I eventually snagged it and gently pulled. Well it kept coming and coming, after first centimetre or so I realised it was an apple stick. She had pushed the whole thing up one nostril, bloody thing must have been practically touching her brain. I had it in the palm of my hand, thinking "what on earth...!?" when she happily shouted "bapple!", picked it up, and ate it (vom)

Bit of a cliche but dropped my mobile in the toilet. I think his older sister was egging him on.

DD is 2.5 and DS is 7 weeks......

DD is currently going through a (hopeful) phase of throwing toys across the room, drawing on the walls (albeit water pens, no real pens allowed!!), licking the walls , spitting drinks out on walls and floor, screaming at full volume when DS is sleeping, emptying the cat biscuits on the floor, putting cat biscuits into their water fountain so I need to change the water, refusing to even try proper meals - basically exists on snacks, chasing me around trying to bite me like a crazed zombie, throwing things into DS's cot, putting stickers on DS's head, trying to ride the cats, anything she can grab that she isn't meant to have is thrown as hard as possible when she is caught (including breakable things....)

I think the most embarrassing thing she has done so far is in grabbing hold of a glass light fitting in a shop and chucking it straight on the floor which then smashed into a million pieces!

I'm expecting number 2 soon so I'm wondering what is going to happen...

So far DS has grabbed a knife off the table at dinner and chucked it, hitting my glass of red wine and smashing it everywhere. Another time at my mum's house, I was emptying the dishwasher and he took a wineglass and chucked it on the floor, glass everywhere.

Plus drawing on the walls and similar!

My now teen Used a large stone from garden and used it to color the TV screen in.. Lovely and gauged.

My 2 year old has become very skilled at shoplifting the past few weeks. I can no longer take him in shops because I later find things stuffed in his buggy or thrown in the basket below. Oh and his current favourite phrase is FFS

We discussed this with DS's 2 & 3 tonight. When DS2 was a toddler he drew all over the tv cabinet and screen. When we asked "who did this" his reply was "DS1 did it". His only flaw with that was that DS1 has cerebral palsy and was in his wheelchair at the other end of the room.
DS2 still laughs about how daft he was. He is 15 now.

Today my 23 month old has emptied a packet of cheerios on the floor, thrown food, drawn all over the sofa in black pen and refused to sleep until 10.30pm

But when her sister was 1 she went for a paddle in the toilet bowl. That was worse.

I don't remember this, but when I'd just turned two and my brother was six weeks old, my mum left us together in the sitting room whilst she ran upstairs with a pile of washing. I'd been eating a plum; she came back downstairs to find a purple newborn and me telling her I'd fed my brother the plum stone. She had to swing him upside down by his ankles until the stone came out.

I have no idea whether I genuinely thought I was doing a good deed by feeding him, or was trying to kill him.

One of the DTs pushed an elderly (fully dressed) lady into the swimming pool at David Lloyd’s when he was 2.

He did it on purpose with no real warning. His only justification was that he wanted to see what would happen.

Toddlers are terrifying.

My next door neighbours 6 year old woke up hours before her Mum or siblings and was bored so she climbed through a very small downstairs window and was spotted by another neighbour who called the police, that wasn’t terrible behaviour really but her poor mother had a bollocking.
Mine spent £70 on a downloadable game on a games console and we didn’t find out for weeks until the bank statement arrived

Ate a dog poo!!!

Not any of my DC but this was what my DBro did as a toddler. As told by my DM....

Picture the scene, we had builders around to discuss some work that needed doing in the house. DM was holding me as a baby, while the builder was sat down with us having a cup of tea. DBro was toddling around playing when the cat jumped up on the builder's lap. The cat was obviously happy, as her tail was up in the air & the builder was stroking her. All of a sudden DBro says "ooh what's that?" and pokes his finger straight up the poor cats bum.
The cat, understandably never trusted him after that.

One of mine smashed THREE flat screen TVs. Each time it was because he was swirling something around and letting it go. Our insurer was going bananas. On the end I got it fitted high up on the wall, with a Perspex cover over it. When the fitter came to fit it, he said he had only done one other like this and that was in a probation office.

DTwins were a bugger and cooperated during toddler years in way that wouldn’t happen now! (Close enough but v different people). A few highlights

Me hearing ‘Mummy, can I actually fly’ and seeing DT2 on the shed roof having had a bunk up from his brother - I had to throw myself to the ground to cushion his landing
Doorbell rings, polite teen says ‘excuse me, your babies are up there’ I go out to the front of the house to look up where she was pointing. During the short time I had been having a wee, the little sods had pulled over a box, climbed on a windowsill and one was shoving the other through the top window. Thank god the main windows were always locked.

Went to a baby proof soft play, most babes and toddlers enjoying big squashy shapes.. one twin managed to sneak off from the ball pit, up some steps and ducked under a barrier to the red slide of death (vertical drop and for adults). I could only watch in horror as he shot straight down. I had to leave as he wanted to do it again, all the staff were white faced in shock and horror and stammering about how that had never happened before.

Piece de resistance was on their Dads watch when they (aged not quite 3) and their brother (1.5) actually managed to get one of them to scale the baby gates, obtain a red plastic sledge, pass it back to their accomplices and toboggan down the stairs in it. Ex DH just kept saying in a shocked voice ‘but how did they do it, there were 3 gates and shelves’ We still don’t know.