Who would come to your funeral if you died?

[Happygoluckydespiteitall]

Having a few health issues, very scary by themselves but also as could indicate something else life limiting - hoping not but have a few dark moments wondering about my own mortality.

Got me wondering really about what would happen if I died. Before a procedure I was really nervous about, DP was instructed I want to be cremated if the worst happens.

I don't live in my home country, and have not for a long time. Honestly I don't think anyone would really notice if I died beyond a couple of family members? I think it would probably slowly filter round to old friends on Facebook and for some reason I find that a bit depressing.

My brain just doesn't compute how anyone would even know if I died, friends from the past etc. My DP only knows a few of my friends, we all live spread out, nobody would travel to a funeral for me. Weird because where I am from, funerals are A Thing and are a way of saying goodbye to the person. Tbh my family probably wouldn't even come here - too far and expensive.

I think what it brings home to me is, I'm not part of a community? So there would be no funeral really - hopefully not for a long time anyway!

Who would come to your funeral?

My kids, my dad and my 3 good friends. Nobody else I suspect. I have always said if you haven’t spoken to me or been in touch or seen me for 6 months then I don’t want you at my funeral.

I don't actually know, you know. I have a vast social circle because I am a bit of a social butterfly, but I don't really have many strong close friends. So maybe my siblings, extended family and 5 or 6 others? It's strange though, my ex died a few years ago and so many people turned up to his funeral.

On another note, I hope you are OK?@Happygoluckydespiteitall you sound a bit low. Have you tried going to any community groups?

Are you ok @Happygoluckydespiteitall ?

Put in your will how you would like to be cremated. That is no guarantee, but should happen.
I think a fair few would come to mine. I have a number of relatives, not particularly close to many but funerals and weddings seems to being people together. I also have a number of friends who'd come.
People find out by your partner telling a few people then the grapevine taking over, plus normally someone would put a notice in a paper and it's surprising how many people read those. When my mother died an old school friend flew up for her funeral - the notice gave out the funeral home's address and she'd called them to find out when it was.
Probably more people care about you than you think.

DP, DS, My siblings, DM and perhaps one cousin. Our family is very unconnected.
As for friends and acquaintances, I have no idea as I find it impossible to gauge how others feel about me

I’m Irish so probably half the bloody town 🤣🤣

No one would come to mine.
I wouldn't want anyone to either. I'd rather they chucked my fleshy bits in the river and not waste a day saying goodbye to someone who isn't there any more. Have a pizza hut Buffet and a few pints instead.

No one. I don't want a funeral. Nothing at all. Stick me in the ground and forget about me.
My family know this, I hate funerals.

Nobody

DH, DC, DM, DF, DSis, DAunt (who I only see at weddings/ funerals)
No friends, no colleagues, no neighbours.
Possibly up to about 20 of DH’s friends to support him (some I’ve met but don’t “know”, some I haven’t)

My children and grandchildren. I'm planning on doing some voluntary work, so in the future I don't know.

My funeral plan only covers a small, basic funeral. A minister, who is a close family friend, is around 10 years older than me, so possibly could have died. Likewise the neighbours that I speak to.

I've been to funerals were the church is packed out, yet in times of need the dying person only had a few people that they could rely on, even to visit.

I think the dying out of local pubs/Social clubs has ended a big circle of people. Likewise living so long after retirement. Many men would die while still working, or within a few years, having worked with the company for 20+ years.

There's lots of community volunteering opportunities that anyone can persue. Communities were great, if everyone conformed, otherwise they could be suffocating and isolating.

@glitterbiscuits, so have you got a plot paid for? You say no one but then want your family to bury you?

DS, mum, siblings, nephews and probably a few cousins. Some work colleagues and some friends. Probably friends of close relatives, to support them.
Where I live funerals are during work hours and almost always the day after the death, so, during the week I'd expect less people, and more would show up for the wake the previous night. At the weekend there would be more.

It seems to me, OP, that this highlighted your sense of not belonging in the community you live in.
I'd take up suggestions above about finding local friends and support. It will take time, but I think you'll feel better.

My mum is Irish and one of 7, plus my grandad was one of 10...so about a million cousins - because we just go to everyone’s funerals - plus probably about 5-10 friends, a few neighbours I’m really friendly with and my immediate family. Probably a couple of close colleagues. At least, I would go to theirs!

I’m not really bothered about having a funeral or who turns up but I don’t believe in life after death.

@Ponoka7 Yes I have a plot ! Next to a family member. But I'm not fixed on being buried there. I hope to move locations before I die and if we have a good life in the next place maybe I will go there??

My parents graves are two hundred miles apart even though they were together until the first death. My father moved after my mother's death.

I don't want a funeral or anyone feeling sad.
It is sad to lose someone but I'd rather no one stood around for my exit. I'd like a clinical disappearance and for loved ones to have a party afterwards and remember the great times.

I'm a church organist, I've seen lots of funerals.
If you're youngish your funeral will be busy, younger people dying, or parents of young kids dying, is more newsworthy. You don't say if you have children but lots of their parents would come. And other people who know you even just in passing will make more effort because you died young. The guy in the corner shop for example.

Much older people dying seems more run of the mill to casual acquaintances so they don't make the effort to go so often.

That sounds harsh, that's just what I have seen.

My funeral right now would have family, friends, parents from school and most of our retired church congregation who don't have work commitments during the day and who love a funeral and a good tea.

My funeral if I was 80 would have family, whatever handful of friends were left and that's probably about it.

My kids and my family probably. So dad aunts and uncles. Hopefully a few friends would travel as I'm far from home now. Maybe work colleague s. To be honest l don't really mind would rather they all just had a party on me.

I find it fascinating to read about all your different situations - there is quite a bit of variety.

I'm not having a funeral. Direct cremation and then DH and the DC know where to scatter my ashes.

I don't really care what anyone thinks/says about it. I'm sure there will be some that want all the pomp and drama, but tbh I can't stand. it. I have unfortunately had a few friends die over the years and the grief thieves that jump on the band wagon is shocking. When one of my best friends died years ago, the amount of 'very best friends' that came out the woodwork was amazing. Her mum, her DP and I had never even heard most of their names before.
No thanks, I want no part of that.

I'm ok yes, a bit sad but hoping to be going strong for a few years yet!

Illness does make you think of all this stuff, though.

You can have a direct cremation/burial or a close family only direct cremation/burial with no service if that is what you want. That would save any anxiety about a service where only a handful of people turn up.

When I pass, I want the mass hysteria that took over the country when Diana died. Or else.

You don't say if you have children but lots of their parents would come

Sadly not. This latest thing has been the nail in the coffin of having children. Not without huge risk that essentially means leaving any baby motherless, if it lived. I am sad about this but numb. I've hoped for so long that somehow it would be ok.

Again, realising you can't have children makes you think about mortality in a weird way.