Who would come to your funeral if you died?

[Happygoluckydespiteitall]

Having a few health issues, very scary by themselves but also as could indicate something else life limiting - hoping not but have a few dark moments wondering about my own mortality.

Got me wondering really about what would happen if I died. Before a procedure I was really nervous about, DP was instructed I want to be cremated if the worst happens.

I don't live in my home country, and have not for a long time. Honestly I don't think anyone would really notice if I died beyond a couple of family members? I think it would probably slowly filter round to old friends on Facebook and for some reason I find that a bit depressing.

My brain just doesn't compute how anyone would even know if I died, friends from the past etc. My DP only knows a few of my friends, we all live spread out, nobody would travel to a funeral for me. Weird because where I am from, funerals are A Thing and are a way of saying goodbye to the person. Tbh my family probably wouldn't even come here - too far and expensive.

I think what it brings home to me is, I'm not part of a community? So there would be no funeral really - hopefully not for a long time anyway!

Who would come to your funeral?

Don’t want a funeral, think they’re an ordeal that’s unhelpful to those most closely affected.

Hundreds of people, I would expect. I work somewhere with a collegiate and very social aspect, I have school age children at one of the largest schools in the country with many different connections to that community, my mother is still alive with a sizeable network who would come to support her, I have my own friends, DH is a fairly clubbable guy. And as the church organist says upthread, I’m young enough that absolutely everyone would pitch up to support my bereaved family.

I'd not be bothered who came to my funeral (*hopefully I'd be very dead so even less bothered!)
I think what counts is who'd come to your bedside rather than your funeral. This was tested for me a couple of years ago when I was seriously ill. The answer was only close family.
I consider myself to be friendly and have plenty of acquaintances and friends. But nobody bothered to visit/make contact! It was an eye opener that's for sure-particularly for those who I have supported in other ways.
We're in an age of virtue signalling and mass hysteria wherever there's a photo opportunity, so that might bring people to a funeral
It's maybe best not dwelled on if you can help it x

It’s v sad in my family that people make a big effort to travel for funerals, and not to see living relatives.

My friends came to my DM’s funeral, they knew her well and liked her a lot but they were there for me, rather than her if you see what I mean? I went to a friend of DM’s husband’s funeral as did my sister because,
although we only knew the deceased vaguely, we knew and wanted to show support to mum’s friend and we knew our mum would have expected it of us to show up in her place. I also went to the funeral of a mum of one of children I taught, I knew her from school things but not well and her family not at all, but she was part of our school community and I wanted to be there.

As for me - DH, 3 siblings and their spouses, 8 grown up nieces and nephews and some of their partners, possibly great nieces and nephews although they are little and that would be up to their parents as to whether they thought it was appropriate. In-laws. 5 or 6 good friends and their husbands maybe - unless husbands were looking after children. My aunt. Maybe one or two neighbours and some former colleagues. My cousins and their wives. I’d think probably a few of DH’a friends to support him - certainly the ones I know better and have spent more time with. Said friend of my mum, possibly her daughter. My sister’s best friend who I also am friendly with.

That sounds like a lot and like I’m thinking a lot of myself like ‘oh these people will all come for meeee’ but I’m just basing it on whose funerals I have been to/ the people who have been at other family funerals etc. I’m sure it will become fewer as I get older - my dad died at 41 and his funeral was packed out, people were stood outside the church and couldn’t fit in. My mum’s (a far nicer person actually!) at 72 not so much.

I don't care who comes to mine, if anybody. I expect my wife and boys will though.

I've been told that my life will probably be 10 to 15 years shorter than it would normally be due to an illness I have, but I'm not giving it any thought to be honest.

I'm an atheist, so I think I'd be a hypocrite if I had a service. Just bury or bum me.

Just bury or bum me.

Arggghhh!! I mean burn me!!!!

Bum me

I'm having a direct cremation but I hope my daughter sprinkles my ashes somewhere nice and does something I enjoy after, like visiting a museum, a garden, going to the cinema or enjoy a drink and a meal at an olde worlde pub. Or all the above.

“Bum me” funerals could catch on

Crikey I look away for two minutes and suddenly its gone all necrophiliac round here.. lol

“Bum me” funerals could catch on

Could be a whole new line of business for Centerparcs...bum me and then a woodland burial.

No-one - just want my body sent to the crematorium.

Just bury or bum me.

I'm not a fan of burials, but if these are the only options, then you've persuaded me!

All my family, brothers sister nieces, neighbours some of my clients, sister friends, mums friends, some nosey feckers who couldnt give a toss but love a good funeral buffet.

I live in a village so know a lot of people, whether they'd come or not I don't know?

The real question is, who will miss you? I've realised funerals aren't always a measure of a person. I know a woman who will talk to anyone and everyone and is very well known. She'll have loads at her funeral I reckon. How many will actually miss her after? Not many I reckon.

It’s v sad in my family that people make a big effort to travel for funerals, and not to see living relatives.

I don't follow the logic of this. If someone comes to a funeral, they are visiting the living relatives. They're not visiting the deceased because they're not there.

@LonginesPrime I'm with you on that one!!

I like to think the dog would come but he’d probably have to be bribed with a pig’s ear. Or one of mine.

I agree with you @Inspiralcarpetry

isabellerossignol I'm not sure if you are willfully misunderstanding that comment. It seems pretty obvious to me. Say for example someone is dying of cancer. X, Y &Z don't bother to visit the person dying of cancer for months. Person dies, then X, Y & Z all go to the funeral.
This exact scenario happened to a very close friend last year. For 6 months she was terminally ill with cancer. Her son and other relatives didn't bother visiting (and yes they all knew), she died. They all went to her funeral. People are hypocrites.

isabellerossignol I'm not sure if you are willfully misunderstanding that comment.

No, I wasn't willfully misunderstanding, I really didn't get it.

I suppose everything is based on our own experience, and the only person I have experienced having a long drawn out death from cancer was my father. There were hundreds of people at his funeral, but reasonably few of those visited when he was ill, because even if they had desperately wanted to, no one would want to intrude when he was so ill.

Whereas it was a huge comfort to see all those people at the funeral, where they shook my hand, said they were sorry, and didn't intrude in any way.

Yeah I think we have had very different experiences.

I have a large extended family, and funerals are definitely a thing where I’m from, so they would probably mostly turn out given the opportunity.

Thing is though, I’m not close to any of them. They don’t bother with me normally, haven’t seen most of them in years. So I wouldn’t want them there. So I don’t want a funeral. Bury me with no fuss, no coffin, service, stone or wake. The burial is the only bit I do want - I like the thought of returning to the earth. It seems better environmentally than burning and smoke, I may be wrong though. Plus maybe an archaeologist can dig me up in a few hundred years and discover something useful!

I hadn’t thought that they are coming to see the remaining family, but it’s a grim way to catch up! Extended, distant (geographically and emotionally) family relationships can be weird.

When my dad was very ill, visitors weren't exactly welcome anyway. We wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, and it was already a lot of work caring for him, let alone random visitors.
People who weren't bothered to see him when he was well didn't need bother when he was ill anyway.

Funerals here are open affairs, and wakes are usually in a "chapel" near the cemetery, so no need for catering or anything like that. People just show up. Of course we let close ones know the timings.

The fact is that when people live at some distance, we tend to see each other at weddings and funerals. Maybe ring at Christmas and birthdays.

The people that didn't bother were one of her sons and her brother (not randoms by any stretch), to far to travel apparently. Both came to the funeral. Both gave her daughter shitty phone calls when in their opinion things weren't moving quick enough. Her daughter had no control over the morgue/coroner/funeral parlor etc, they were just thoughtless arseholes that didn't bother when my lovely friend was alive. But the funeral wasn't too far. Arseholes.