AIBU - OH and family finances

[AIBUfinancial]

I’m doing this AIBU post as I’ve just had another repeat argument with OH. He’s adamant he’s right, and of course I’m adamant I am. So I want some outside opinions. It’s not something we can talk to family/friends about.

Quick background - long Term relationship, 2 children, joint mortgage, wedding booked for this year

Basically I’ve spent £20 on a sandwich maker as we’re currently using an old George Forman grill which has a broken lid, the black plating is coming off etc. We’ve been talking about replacing it for a while so I bought it one from amazon. This has given OH the hump as I have no issue spending money. Don’t take saving for our future seriously. And perhaps I should go out and earn as much money as him?! To be honest I’m embarrassed how he acts given our financial position.

We live in an affluent town in 4 bed house, we have 2 high end, high spec cars both less than 2 years old, holiday at least twice a year + weekends away (Center Parcs or European cities). Can do what we want socially. We have things like expensive watches (Tag) but don’t make a habit of spending lots of money on clothes for example. I shop in places like Next/Asda for the kids. And perhaps a little bit more expensive for myself - boutiques but certainly not designer. OH wouldn’t but himself anything unless it was literally shredding off his body.

Me - Work 20 hours per week/responsibility of all the home admin/childcare/cleaning/washing/ironing/food shopping etc

OH - Runs successful business/works approximately 30 hours per week/not a particularly taxing/stressful job on the whole but obviously has its problems from time to time/does all the cooking/responsible for the dog/will happily step up with childcare if needed

Family Income - Approx £7k per calendar month net
Outgoings - Approx £3.8k per calendar month
Allocated ‘spending money’ - £1.2k per calendar month/ split 50/50 to spend how we wish
Savings - between £1.6 - £2k per calendar month depending on what’s going on (holidays/Christmas/car repairs etc)

£110k cash savings
£175k equity in family home
£60k equity in investment property

So from my perspective we are financially secure, and should enjoy life while we can. OH to be quite honest is fucking miserable when it comes to spending money. I can’t say he’s tight because of course we have a lovely way of living. But if something breaks rather than accept we just need to simply replace it, or pay to get it fixed. He’ll tantrum about how he constantly has to spend money.

It’s getting me down and I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable wanting to enjoy our lives, whilst appreciating how lucky we are to be in our position. He thinks I have a blase view of spending money. If I left it to him I don’t think the poor kids wouldn’t do anything ! I buy most of the kids clothes/clubs etc from my allocated spending money as I’m just so bored of the whinging from OH if I dare comment that they might need new shoes/coat/club fees are due.

So am I being a piss taker? Or should OH lighten up?

He’s totally unreasonable about the sandwich toaster, but your OP was about more than that - you have totally different attitudes to money.

Yes, you have a lot of savings on top of a nice lifestyle, in part because you bring a wage in too.

But honestly - if you and he earned the same, and didn’t know each other - who would have an investment property, and who would have nice nails?

You see £110K savings as the reason you can spend. But you probably have £110K savings because he thinks the opposite.

£110K isn’t that much. The £175K equity isn’t the same as cash - you need somewhere to live. Yes you can move to a cheaper house if you have to - but that’s more emergency measures. That isn’t £175K of savings. The £60K in the investment property is more ‘real’, as you can sell up. £170K isn’t a huge amount for 2 people, if that’s all your pension savings.

Problem with your OP, is no-one here knows what your “living life” really means.

He doesn’t sound tight, based on your cars and holidays - but like I posted before, you value things differently.

My XH would buy 5 winter coats for our daughter, as he likes clothes. If one had a frayed cuff, he’d bin it. Me - 1 winter coat is generally all you need, though I’d buy 2 if she loved another. A frayed cuff I’d think “she outgrows it every year, it’s a coat, it’s not that bad”. He thinks that you don’t have a frayed cuff when you take home £5K a month. I think - why not. I don’t like waste.

Who knows whether this sandwich toaster was him being a total dick, or just the latest example of him thinking you’re the one being a dick?

As I said - once you’ve agreed each of your spends, he needs to shut up. But I do think it would be interesting to speak to you both!

Blimey, I know some tight wads, but he takes the biscuit!
I don't work anymore, my oh is sole earner, but I buy what I want from our joint bank account.
My friends husband, is a multi millionaire maxillo facial surgeon, and is a real tight arse, but I don't think he would moan about a 20 quid sandwich maker.

Cars bought to his 18th and 21st etc. Mobile phone paid for until he was at least 25. Financed through uni

So he never had to budget or take responsibility for serious spending out of his own money, all the expenditure of his budget was paid by someone else. His whole dynamic with money is accept, earn, keep, accumulate.

OP, I would show him a spreadsheet of the children’s expenses and insist it is budgeted out of your joint household account, alongside food etc

And

Strongly suggest that you have a few sessions couple counselling to look at this issue as it has been a long running ‘thing’ and needs sorting.