So depressed with relationship. Can’t tell if it’s me.

[Canttellifimright1]

Always had argumentative relationship with DH. Kids 14 and 11.
I feel constantly attacked , belittled and talked down to. From his perspective, I’m disorganised, not on top of things and dont have my shit together. I’m dyslexic. It does impact on my ability to hold information and organise myself.

Example 1 we are on holiday, have sex. He leaves the room and on his return an hour later, bursts in. Flailing, gesticulating about an open food container, open moisturiser, towel on the floor. SUPPER agressive. I stayed home the following day as I couldn’t face activities and acting like I felt ok.

Example 2. In the car with friends on the way to dinner. He asked me to fw him a photo, for our daughter. I sent by text rather that wasap. He flips, why did I send by text, it’s not come through. He went on and on. That I didn’t hold door open for himAll really inappropriate infront of friends , who asked that “we stop”
Journey there so awkward. At table he tried to make small talk with me. i was so upset, couldn't react naturally, He burst out again.
I picked up coat and left. Sat in hotel alone.
I don’t know how to change myself.

This really sounds like one of those situations where you need to hear the other side. At face value he sounds awful BUT theres also just more to it.

This is so sad to read. You really really need to stop reacting to his provocation. You pushing him, getting upset/angry, making up stories about having a boyfriend, is exactly what he wants - that's why he does it and why he films you. My mother tries to provoke me every time I see her, I just let it go, take deep breaths, count to 10, smile. I'm so sorry for your situation, but you have to accept your marriage is over. He is not going to start being gentle with you, understanding, caring. You cannot change him, you can only change how you react to him. Take back some control and stop expecting him to change his behaviour - he won't, he really doesn't like you.

Brazi103 I’m trying as best I can to relay his point of view. He is infuriated with my lack of contribution to all things admin. He sees me( I am) messy, forgetful, and don’t have an eye for detail. I often forget to respond to emails. I struggle with admin. I leave laundry in the rain and am generally quite oblivious. These are REAL faults.
On yhe plus side, I’m loyal, loving, kind. My kids are always clean and ironed( odd socks often) They are never late to school. Im involved with school and homework. There is always food in the fridge. He is so capable. I really hope I’m not only providing my point of view, otherwise this whole conversation is pointless. I am at fault. But I still want love and respect. I am not intentionally evil

Avocadoadvocate. Exactly this

Was he saying all this in the car in front of your child?

This is a really toxic environment for any of you to be around. I don't think sharing a house is realistic, it will just keep flaring up. He sounds like a very unpleasant, completely unreasonable person to be around.

No children in car

@onanothertrain
You sound as bad as each other
No, they really don't.

There's kids involved in this. Just leave him FFS
It's never that easy.

That's something but the atmosphere in your home must be something to behold. You can't spend your life living on eggshells. You OH sounds like he likes having power over you, making you nervous all the time. He's got a funny idea about what love is.

You deserve so much better.

Genuinely grateful to you all.
I’m going to stop posting now. It’s all too upsetting, I don’t know what else to add, feel like I’ve said it all. Lots to think about. I’ve read over your posts a couple of times, and will read again in the morning.

take care OP. i'll be on here later if you want to talk xx

This thread hits hard for me. I was in an abusive relationship for four years. I was a nervous wreck. At one point I even thought I had BPD. Since leaving him a year ago I am content and relaxed most of the time and my kids are much happier. Reading this thread takes me back to a dark period in my life.

Op, why did he split with his ex/s?