To think #BeKind is rather ironic

[SpokeTooSoon]

Given that Caroline Flack was allegedly a serial abuser.

It’s a personal tragedy for her family. But all these celebs coming out of the woodwork to canonise her and instruct the rest of us to be kind is rather ironic, no?

Personally I don’t think the size of the cut on your head is relevant after your partner has hit you and caused you to ring 999. There may be no scar at all - it is still violence.

Caroline did seem to be a lovely, bubbly, friendly person. But she clearly had ongoing mental health issues and needed professional help, not more media spotlight. That was for her and her loved ones to pursue.

She was facing the end of her career, a criminal record, a public shaming and it was more than she could handle (perhaps more than any of us could handle, I don’t doubt that). I do feel genuinely sad that she felt such desperation in her final moments.

But the response to this has been completely wrongheaded. The hashtag BeKind? When what started all of this was an act of violence? The lecturing of the public to be nicer to celebs on Instagram when all they’re trying to do is show off how much better they are than ordinary mortals. It’s all so self-serving. Social media didn’t kill Caroline Flack. She could have deleted it from her life. She had very specific, concrete reasons to feel desolate at the end - real-world problems that overwhelmed her.

It’s a tragedy in the truest literary sense. The downfall of a great hero by their own flaws.

Couldn't agree more

Yes, I’m not really understanding it either. It seems really hypocritical to me.

Allegedly may be the key word here and regardless of whats going on surely people trying to be kind isn't the worst thing in the world?

Bullying on social media is almost commonplace and anything to prevent people being bullied is a good thing in my eyes.

I don't know the ins and outs of Caroline's and her previous partners live's so I cannot comment on that.

Give it a few weeks. It will go away, everyone will forget and start bitching about each other. The media will find a new target, trolls will find a new target. It will never end.

It is hypocritical. This kind of thing every time there is a public suicide. Be kind to each, look after each other. The majority of people are just saying it to look decent when they aren't.

I don't feel particularly kind towards Prince Andrew or Donald Trump - both alleged serial abusers.

With CF the tragedy is she clearly felt a huge amount of shame, remorse, desperation and despair. Maybe kindness could have saved her.

The majority of other serial abusers (Trump and Prince Andrew) don't give a shit.

YANBU at all.

I’m constantly being tagged in “Be kind” messages and “Don’t take off each others crown” (or whatever that crap thing is which is circulating on FB) and it’s driving me mad and my guess is that at least 75% of the women have been bitchy towards another woman at some point.

Her suicide is obviously extremely sad, and it is awful that a young woman felt the need to take her own life but I can’t stand the double standards and hypocrisy of it all.

I doubt there’s be quite as much sympathy and “be kind” messages going around if it was towards a man who had been violent towards a woman.

I quite agree OP.

I think instead of #bekind, it should be #dontbeadick

I agree isn’t all this ‘alleged’? And ITV were planning to have her back for next year’s LI.

Yanbu. I’m very uncomfortable at the rhetoric that’s arisen from Caroline Flacks death. Of all the lessons that are staring people in the face around this event I feel like the overall sentiment is misjudged.

Caroline may have been innocent or she may have had justified mitigating circumstances but the attempt at white washing her responsibilities is concerning. She needed support and help to focus on overcoming whatever her issues were. If I’m right in my sense of the situation she needed to accept she was a danger to herself and potentially others and let the right people help her. A consequence of that was facing the legal system in this case.

Kindness and ignoring an individuals role in why they’re struggling does not stop suicides. Understanding that there is nothing that can’t be fixed is far more helpful.

I hate #bekind and all the other knee jerk sentimental guff which springs up. Some people do not deserve kindness because they are cunts.

I think what's frustrating is the over simplification of it all.

You can be mentally vulnerable and a victim of bullying but also an abuser at the same time. Being mental ill and a bullying victim doesn't justify abusing other people physically or mentally, and being an abuser doesn't justify people bullying you online or ridiculously intense and invasive media scrutiny.

I do wonder about how male victims of domestic abuse, or people with abusive partners in general are going to be feeling seeing all of this. Whether Caroline Flack was guilty or not, and we'll likely never know now, it has built up the impression that no matter what you do if you are pretty enough or famous enough people will deify you regardless.

I think it's being poorly used you shouldn't need to be told to be kind you should just do it anyway

Maybe kindness could have saved her

From who though? She had her friends, family and even her boyfriend she was accused of harming showing her kindness and support.

If someone is suicidal kindness does nothing. That’s just another thing they don’t believe they deserve. You can try and help them to see a time past their current torment but sometimes intrusive thoughts and compulsions are much more powerful.

Her family and friends should have been able to seek outside support and somewhere safe for her to be with experienced professionals to observe her.

I’m coming from a position of experience that if someone is hell bent on harming themselves it’s usually too much for close family and friends to handle. It’s also not fair on them to take on that responsibility.

Yeah it is a bit the whole be kind rubbish, considering she was about to go to court for beating the boyfriend. She must of been so kind for the CPS to have enough evidence to get it to court 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also someone shouldn’t always be kind, I mean if your mugged for your purse tonight, if your DH/DW Hits you, if you are verbally abused by sour Sarah at work should you be kind then?

Don’t get me wrong don’t go round being a bitch but some people really don’t deserve kindness and fucking defend yourself where needed.

hont1986 that’s untrue and unfair, please don’t derail the thread with unpleasant comments like that.

I agree. Aside from whatever happened with CF, the whole "BeKind" movement is so hypocritical. From my experience, the same people who are actively posting a shed load of 'BeKind' type messages on social media are the same ones who happily screenshot people's FB status/IG pictures and send to their friends on WhatsApp with bitchy messages about how the people look etc. The irony appears to be lost on them. Or, they seem to assume 'BeKind' applies only to celebs on social media, and that its perfectly fine to act bitchy/troll normal people!

Completely agree.
Being kind is also used to deny biological reality and allow women's single sex space to be taken over by women with penises.

Erm.. No she wasn't a pedophile

I don't know why my comment was removed. This whole circus is repugnant. The dismissing of domestic violence because of who she was. It's appalling.