Bank - everyday sexism? Would you complain?

[hoovermoover]

I've recently set up a new joint current account for me and my husband. Im a woman to be clear.

When I set it up I obviously put my details first, and his second. All of the paperwork has arrived in this format. I've arranged everything that has been needed to set it up. I even set up the app on his phone. He has literally done NOTHING apart from say 'yes please' when I talked to him about setting it up.

Today the local branch has emailed ONLY him to welcome him to the bank, and to introduce themselves to him. There is no email to me, and it's specifically addressed to him.

AIBU to be annoyed about this? At the least I'd expect there to be an email to us both welcoming our JOINT business to them.

I am a bit hacked off with being the person who does all of the leg work for everything ever in our house, but is this clouding my judgement? Would you send an email to point out the blatant sexism? So bloody annoying!!

It wouldn't bother me at all.

It's not just banks who are sexist. Years ago I was the tenant of a Housing Association flat. Got married and informed them Mr Husband Hsurname had moved in. My surname is different and at no point did I tell them I had changed my name. They wrote everything to me as Mrs Hsurname from then on. I told them numerous times it wasn't my name but it fell on deaf ears. By the way DH and I have joint account with Nationwide and never gave any problems. Letters are sent to each of us at all times.

I can easily believe this OP.

I am married. DH and I have different names.
When we fill in forms we state we are married and obviously use our individual surnames.
In the past this has resulted in two different situations:
The first is that the system has automatically changed my name to his.
Alternatively, the system 'corrects' the 'error' by changing our marital status to co-habiting not married.

Don't get me started on DBS forms which assume that if your title is Ms you must have used another surname in the past.

I used to work in a bank which a few years before I joined a woman who got married had to resign. Thank God for the equality act

Seems to me you are the 1st account holder and him the 2nd, maybe they are just checking with him all's ok?
Like when you do anything relating to an account of some sort you get an email/notification asking did you do this? Is this you?

@MickCarter
Is it NatWest? I changed my account to a joint account with my husband and they contact him all the time and never me. If I do anything eg set up a direct debit they write and tell him but when he does the same things they don’t tell me and they regularly cancel my card if I use it for large purchases but don’t do the same to my husband

And am I not sick of having to do all the complaining because they wont talk to you? I think they put my name first on the account too. We should have put you on my account at Lloyds. At least then we could understand why I'm the main contact.

When we took out our mortgage with nationwide dp (male) did most of talking and gave his details first as he was paying deposit. I'm the 'secondary' account holder, which I see above isn't a thing so it's only relevant in that I gave my details second. I'm female. All correspondence comes addressed solely to me. Must be only person thread! I'm wondering if it's computer sorting a/c holders alphabetically, ie Mr comes before Mrs, but Miss comes before Mr? And only sending correspondence to one party.

@MillicentMartha something like that happened to me too! Bought tix back to uk on air canada for myself and ds6. Different last names. They changed their reservation system between me buying and our flights. Unbeknownst to me, the reservation number changed and they didn’t bother informing me. I couldn’t find my reservation searching with my details - finally tried his and found it because the new reservation system defaulted to him being the primary passenger/contact! I can only guess because he’s a male.

Yes, definitely complain. Only if enough people complain about this stuff will it ever change. I’m still annoyed about going on holiday with my son and daughter a couple of years ago and despite me paying for it all and being listed as the lead passenger, when we arrived at the airport to meet the coach transfer, somehow my 18-year-old son was suddenly the lead passenger - presumably because he was the only male in our party? I should have complained at the time, but didn’t.

This is unbelievable and I’m cold stone shocked and disgusted at this thread. I would definitely complain (and will if it ever happens to me). WTAM-FF.

Back in the 90s when Banks went through a spate of handing out shares, some only sent them to the first name on the account. Luckily DH and I share everything, but I expect there are couples where the man keep those shares to himself.

@Trunkysaurus - now seems like a good time for me to name change

I once complained to my water company as they kept sending letters to "Mr and Mrs John Smith" (name changed), and I said that I found it confusing because my name isn't John. They were really nice about it and apologised and changed the system so our letters are now addressed correctly. I am all for complaining!

I have had a bank account with Natwest since I was about 4 years old (remember the pigs anyone?) When I got married I added my husband to the account. Since then all correspondence for things like loans etc come addressed to him only. It really infuriated me as I was the sole name on the account for 22years!

I've only read the first page, but have you checked your spam folder? Emails purporting to be from banks are a very common spam.

Could it be simply alphabetical?

DH works in IT and has had complaints about the order titles are listed...which is alphabetical and the only reason.
Letters sent to us often have DH's name first because his starts with an A.

I had the opposite, they send ME all the communication, DH gets nothing. They call/text ME when it goes overdrawn () and I ignore the calls and it was set up with DH details first purely because he is the one working, I earn nothing!

Lloyds do this - all emails addressed to my husband but to my email address as he didn't have one when we opened the account. I do all the finances, am the higher earner, the one with the savings accounts and it winds me up every time

Ah! We left a bank over 30 years ago for sexist and patronising crap like that.

They wouldn't speak to me only DH, and I was the one who set everything up, added him to my account, sorted loans, mortgage application etc. He got every letter (too early for email), I couldn't go into branch and sort anything!

Then, when he finished university and needed a small loan to buy himself work appropriate clothing and a car they said he was, and I quote "Living above his station, financially" and woudn't OK a loan. This despite the fact hat he had spent 4 years in uni and was starting a £40K job, in the 1990s. We had no debts... he had a student overdraft!

So we left NatWest with a stinking letter to their then CEO and went to Midlands / HSBC. I told them exactly what had happened and they set about making sure they never did anything so daft.

Friends made the same move but in reverse. So I don't think any one bank is free from it. It seems to dpend on the branch or account handler.

But do challenge it. The CEO did reply and was somewhat bemused at both parts of our compaint as he had never heard of anything so ridiculous! Even way back then it was not acceptable let alone normal procedure!

Yup seriously annoying - same has happened to me and my partner when we bought our first house.
MY funds for deposit, MY funds covered the solicitors and legal costs and guess what, yes all the letters and emails arrived addressed to him.
He did nothing except view the house and say yes let’s buy it (he does pay his way and is amazing, in case this makes him sound like a cocklodger )

Did you check any GDPR boxes? Maybe his got ticked and yours didn’t. Or maybe they are just really old fashioned.

We previously had a mortgage with HSBC and they addressed all correspondence to Ms X and Mr Y. I liked that my name came first, presumably due to alphabet / I did the application

Yes, that's how it should be, but so many companies default to the Mr Y and Ms X without thinking about it

The more people complain, the sooner it'll change

Separately, a friend of mine in USA was horrified that in the UK, we're still asked whether we are Miss or Mrs. She said that in USA, it's Ms all the way. I liked that

Perhaps as all the leg work was done by the op and all communication so far had gone to her, the bank were making contact as they hadn't had any dealings with the op's husband