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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate being at home in the school holidays?

305 replies

AAAHHHHH · 18/02/2020 15:05

I'm at home with my 4 year old and she's driving me crazy. She won't stop talking, I can't even listen to an audiobook.

Everytime I tell her to play in her room, she just follows me. I can't get much cleaning done and theres no point really as she keeps making a mess.

We cant go anywhere as theres nothing to do for free (no money atm) and it's raining so the park is off our list.

I feel terrible as well, because shes so inquisitive but I just really hate having to tell her why and what and how to nearly everything.

OP posts:
Onescaredmuma · 18/02/2020 17:45

I feel your pain! I'm normally a love the holidays mummy (no judgment for those who don't) however this week they're driving me bat shit crazy. They've been off since Thursday with a sickness bug (2 year old poorly from Monday to Friday!) so we've had a serious case of cabin fever. Now it's pissing it down and I'm in the middle of moving for the 2nd time in 8 months we move out next Monday I have a ton of stuff to do and of course they're pulling everything out of boxes getting into mischief while I'm trying to pack and obviously only want to watch DVDs that I've already packed Sad. DH is gone before we we wake up and doesn't get back until 7 so it's a bloody long day.

Absoluteunit · 18/02/2020 17:46

YANBU. My DD is a bit older but has SN and needs constant entertainment because she very rarely plays independently. It's exhausting. Google free things in the area or wrap up and get outside.

Can you let her have some screen time so you can get a quick break?

Escapetab · 18/02/2020 17:49

I guess what I really want is for anyone reading who's on the fence, is to think harder about what they enjoy and don't just have kids as a default. Then maybe we wouldn't have this problem

Hear this so often from childfree by choice folks and it really cracks me up. Like overpopulation could be solved if people just thought before they started popping out those kids left, right and centre! It's a good job we have people like you to point this out or no-one would ever think about it at all. I didn't think at all before I had kids of course, just went straight for it! Hmm

Shockingly, I thought very hard about it before I had kids and yet my thoughts on some days with my 4 yo are much like what the OP describes. Not every child is alike, not every phase is the same, and, sorry, but you don't know how you'll find it till you do it, whether that 'old classic' infuriates you or not. I am the oldest of a very large family, spent a lot of time looking after kids, had more opportunity than anyone else I know to see what it would be like, and yet am still blindsided by large parts of it. Despite your advice, Lonemulf, you don't seem very adept at considering perspectives other than your own. You seem to think you know it all already.

Mumof1andacat · 18/02/2020 17:49

Are there any holiday clubs in the area? Sport or drama clubs. Some do crafts aswell.

toomuchtooold · 18/02/2020 17:52

My kids were about 5 before I stopped dreading the holidays. I always wonder if in days gone by it was different because kids would see a whole bunch of people in a day - extended family, neighbours - and now it's much more common to be cooped up with one parent, possibly isolated from friends and family by distance or the fact that everyone else is working full time.The first 45 minutes of chat you get off a 4 year old is infinitely charming, but at that point they start to repeat themselves, so the ideal is if they get to see a few different faces in the course of a day. It was like that when I was a kid, I used to go and chat to our older neighbours upstairs or I'd get taken to my granny's where there would inevitably be at least 2 other cousins and an auntie or two. You can have too much of a good thing!

DevilsAdv0caat · 18/02/2020 17:52

Parent her ffs
Ah, that lovely little phrase that is trotted out by the intellectually inept, just to have a bit of input and pile on to a struggling mum. Hope you feel better about yourself.

Patchworkpatty · 18/02/2020 17:53

Yes it is hard ! But I promise you it's a LOT harder if you don't engage with her !!

I used to make playdough... get the recipe off the web.

Sit her down and get shakes for her to cut out .. upside down glasses.. cookie cutters ANYTHING that makes a shape... when bored of that get her to 'help you' make supper ...

Spudlet · 18/02/2020 17:59

We were stuck in all day yesterday as the car had a flat tyre and I've trapped a nerve in my shoulder so couldn't change the wheel myself. We did the following to avoid going maaaaaad:

Cosmic Kids yoga - we did it together (with me looking after my shoulder, obviously!).
Baked a cake
Put lots of washing up liquid and a bit of water into a mixing bowl and gave him the rotary whisk (a hand one, you can get them for a few quid on ebay) to make loads of bubbles
Played 'Go to bed Mummy' - his idea, he got a couple of sofa cushions and a throw and made a bed on the floor, ordered me into it and read me a bedtime story. A role play game I could really get behind Grin
Built a den from the throw and two dining chairs and hung out in that
Went into the garden and did some weeding, he rode his bike. Went into the front garden and looked at the flowers
Came back in and watched a film, while I listened to a podcast!

He also had some ipad time so I could have a shower.

If any of those ideas help you get through the day, op?

Oh also, today, we've been finding Shaun... the Forestry Commission have trails for the Shaun thr Sheep film, and the app (which is free) has an augmented reality bit - DS loved running around with my phone looking for Shaun and the blue rabbit alien thing. Not sure if you have to do the trail to get to that bit, but it's free so nothing to lose by downloading it and trying it out.

LoneMULF · 18/02/2020 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMadderRose · 18/02/2020 18:00

YANBU. You'll always get people slagging mums off for not wanting to be a non-stop entertainment system for their kids. But I always found this hard too - it's easier now they're older, but still can be exhausting. Even if you do play with them, go to the park, read books, do baking etc - which I often did - it's hard to fill a whole day with that and you usually have to get other stuff done.

Lots of dads are out at work more of the time and don't have to deal with this, and no one slags them off - but if they had to do it (and when they do) they find it hard as well.

I used to be so jealous of people with kids who would just go and play. Friend's 3yo would sit and make things with Lego for hours, while she got on with housework, made coffee, had a sit down. BOTH my DC wanted my attention non-stop until they reached 8 or 9ish.

But I agree with others that if you let your child think they can have your attention all the time and your main duty is to serve them, it's not doing them any favours. They do have to learn to amuse themselves, tolerate being bored sometimes, and accept that they're not always the centre of the universe. A mixture of something outdoors if possible, something creative, and some screen time is fine IMO.

goldenorbspider · 18/02/2020 18:02

There's a local Facebook page in lancashire for under 5s people are always posting activities things on etc. We're on a tight budget but I make sure we get out everyday. Visit a park abit further a field. Feed ducks. Local library, ride bike, puddle jumping and a nice long bath. Tire him out abit then I have a fighting chance to get things done

Stringervest · 18/02/2020 18:03

Totally hear you OP. I adore DD but am not great at playing.

Haven't RTFT so someone might have suggested this, but try the Five Minute Mum blog. She designs cheap or free games that you play with young kids for 5 minutes and can then leave them to it. Her book came out last week too although I don't have it yet. I like her.

Teresajune · 18/02/2020 18:04

I find it easier to be out, than in all day, so how about finding free stuff to do locally? Local museums - funny little ones that you'd never have thought of before might have free entry and little activities for the kids. Have a look on some local websites to see what's on for free nearby? The local church might have something even, just crafts with a cup of tea for the parent? Much easier to be out than in, definitely!

Coolcucumber2020 · 18/02/2020 18:08

I’m on my own with a child with SN.

I’m not saying it’s easy but I found the bit about not being able to listen to an audio book a bit jarring. She’s only 4.

Constant interruptions are normal at her age and she’s bound to want to follow you around. I think much of your success depends on altering your attitudes.

GrumpyMug2 · 18/02/2020 18:09

Some of the replies on here explains why young adults today expect the world to bend to them

PumpkinP · 18/02/2020 18:09

I think it must be harder if there are no siblings

Totally disagree. Mine spend the whole holidays fighting and screaming. Maybe it would be different if they got on but you wouldn’t know until you had them. Also taking 4 anywhere is much more expensive than just one.

Spikeyball · 18/02/2020 18:10

This holiday is a hard one. Ds is usually outside a lot but the what feels like constant wind and rain means that he doesn't want to go out. There is nothing elsewhere that he can do indoors ( no activities for children with needs like him) so we are at home with him climbing the walls.

ssd · 18/02/2020 18:15

This thread is weird. So much for the 'be kind' posts on social media everywhere just now. Bit wasted here.
Op, age 4 is hard going. No one enjoys everyday, some days are just long and tedious.

dottiedodah · 18/02/2020 18:19

Can you do baking together ? I loved making Gingerbread men when mine were small .Doesnt take long and usually DC enjoy it!

justasking111 · 18/02/2020 18:21

The weather does not help it seems to slow time somehow.

Spudlet · 18/02/2020 18:26

Sometimes we also take all the seat pads and cushions off the sofa and use them as stepping stones around the room. DS enjoys that. Or we play finding things - I send him off to find me a green thing, a yellow thing, etc etc. That kills a bit of time.

The days are long at this age and time of year but I find they’re easier if I just go with it and try to come up with things to do together. Much like puppies, bored preschoolers are naughty preschoolers... then when he does amuse himself (which he does sometimes) I can put my feet up for a minute or crack on with other stuff.

belay · 18/02/2020 18:26

YANBU but try to enjoy the time together because they are easily entertained at that age. It gets a lot more difficult as they get older

Upstartcrones · 18/02/2020 18:29

One thing my DS loves doing in rummaging through the recycling box, picking out bits of cardboard and making stuff. I put the youtube kids app on the ipad and he watches the making programs and makes along with them. Keeps him amused and creative for hours. Invest in a tape dispenser, glue stick, colouring pens and you're away. Its his fav thing to do on a rainy day.

Or go to your local supermarket and ask for cardboard boxes. He's been busily building a box fort today and proudly showed his sister when she came home from nursery. Allowed me to get multiple conference calls done today Grin

Don't beat yourself up. It's easy to get cabin fever during the holidays. Ignore the idiots trying to make you feel bad as a parent. Not helpful and just nasty imho.

Yehdivvy · 18/02/2020 18:30

Museums are generally free so take her to one of those. Take a packed lunch and flask of tea/coffee so it should be a free day out.

Take her to the library as that's free.

Organise a playdate.

Depending on where you live, Google free things to do in your area and see what comes up.

Gather a pile of old toys and stuff and list on fb selling pages etc and see what extra funds you can raise towards trips.

EverythingChanges321 · 18/02/2020 18:31

OP, ignore the Smug perfect Instamum posters.
In fact, I feel a bit sorry for them because they clearly live on planet FAKE.

Yes, the pre-school years are fucking hard. I hated it. I still hate the long summer holidays. There are no (school) clubs where we live (middle of nowhere) so it’s either me organising something or fall back on iPad/PlayStation computer games.

Play dates are essential in my view if you’ve an only child so put all your effort during term time into finding parents who will share play date hosting. Some parents think I’m amazing because I host so many kids at mine during the holidays but it’s the only way to survive when funds are very low.