To believe that caring for a 10 week old baby counts as 'doing something with my day'

[daydreambeliever]

I am feeling a bit blue. I have a gorgeous 10 week baby. Some friends just visited yesterday. They came out of their way to visit, they live a long way away. They all lead busy high achieving lives. They have just left, and before they headed away we had come back from a walk and were sat in the kitchen. They said 'what are you going to do with the rest of the day?". I mumbled vaguely about taking the baby to the breast feeding clinic to get her weighed and discuss a bout of mastitis i had at the weekend, also my baby is intermittently refusing the left breast. They are all good people. I dont mean to bitch, but I was left with the general impression that they all thought this was a fine way to spend the day- if youre a total loser. I felt there was an atmosphere of pity in the air. Like Im being really flakey and lazy! But really!! None of them have children. They will perhaps understand when they do that getting out of the house at all with a nursing baby is a bit of an achievement. Meanwhile, I know they meant no harm, but it has plummeted me into a sea of self pity/loathing. My DH and I moved away when I got preggers and now live in his hometown. I have done pretty damn well at trying to get to know people, and feel I have a good life here now. I have no definite plans to go back to work, and I feel a bit paranoid that friends think this a bit pathetic.
Please could someone reassure me that this is crazy!! I mean Ive got a tiny baby and a sore boob situation!!! Why do I feel like a loser for not running my own frigging dotcom company from my bed!!!!!

sorry but the bit about the dotcom company made me lol
Until you have a baby you just don't get it - how they can take up the whole day. Sometimes it can take me until mid afternoon to have a shower, and I know i'm not the only one! I think when you don't have a baby you imagine they anuse themselves until they need feeding or changing
Better go, screaming baby!

meant to add, hope you get the mastitis sorted - sounds painful

You are doing wonderfully! The first twelve weeks of your first child's life is the hardest time there is and getting dressed is frankly a miracle some days. People without kids simply have no idea what it's like - don't worry, they probably will one day. I remember my SIL asking whether I'd been out one day when dd1 was about 6 weeks old and I said something like "oh no, have just been pottering about because of dd" (without thinking much about it) and SIL said "Doesn't your baby go out then?"!!! I was really upset and wanted to poke her in the eye. She will learn, ha ha...

Keep cheery and cuddling your lovely babe and keep using the Lansinoh and give yourself a huge round of applause for having got to the 10 week mark. Big hugs.

LOL at dotcom company!
My dh asked me what I did yesterday.
Me: 'I cleared up the breakfast things.... made a banoffee pie.... did some washing....went to the corner shop.... I'm sure there was something else though [racked brains]... Oh I know! I looked after the baby!'

nope youre doing great. And a great mummy too. And yes of course the child-less friends thinks this is pathetic but they havent got a clue, havent they?.. You are envolved around the newborn baby 24/7 but it will get easier and you are enable to relax abit too when the baby is a few weeks older. I used to be impressed to get out of the house before 12pm!!...which was a rare occasion as was forever in my pjs till 12pm by the time DD was 3months old.

yanbu! having people round AND going to baby clinic on the same day? talk about a packed schedule.

It really annoys me when people ask if you're bored with nothing to do all day, or ask about watching daytime TV

although I do MN a lot

Lol at running a dotcom company.

Seriously, it's you who has to give yourself permission to enjoy this time.

When you're more comfortable with your choice (and its a huge choice/change to consider not going back to work - its only been 10 weeks!)then you will give less of a flying fuck what anyone else thinks.

I couldn't give a rats turd now what anyone else thinks but I used to wake up with the sweats and having nightmares I was actually at work. (lasted for nearly a year)

lulu25 today I have been into town AND been to mothers and babies group.
House is like a tip mind and I've only just had my lunch

you need to read this

Soon.

'Fraid you have to get used to it.

DH used to try and give me 'projects' to do when I was on maternity leave in case I got bored. LOL.

Daydreambeliever, have you read 'What Mothers Do (especially when it looks like nothing)' by Naomi Stadlen? link
It's very good at making you realise & appreciate how much you are actually doing.
I really recommend it.... when you have time

Hello DDB, I'm new here but please be reassured that you should NOT feel like a loser at all - you are doing brilliantly! Your friends, if they are childless, probably genuinely have no idea how having a newborn sucks all the time out of day and how it is a major event in the day if you manage to get dressed, eat something etc. Before I had DS I would have probably asked the same question mysef- in all innocence. Going to the clinic for a weigh in WAS being high achieving (I stood for about 20 minutes crying hysterically the first time because I could not work out how to fix the car seat to the pram base and it seemed grossly unfair that I had to mount this major expedition to leave the house at all...). I'm sure your friends don't think you are pathetic- they are just living in blissful ignorance! In short, YANBU but you may be giving yourself a harder time than your friends are doing.

Oh how smug you will feel when they have babies of their own and realise that simply being responsible for a small baby all day long is more than enough to be getting on with (and that's without mastitis...you poor thing). I know it's hard, but honestly, just ignore this sort of attitude / comment if at all possible. People wihtout children cannot possibly comprehend how exhausting the whole thing is (actually, seasoned mothers of several children can be tough, too, as they often forget how hard first time motherhood is). There is just no way to explain how getting dressed and out the door is bloody hard in itself in the first few months. Not to mention the fact that a lot of women just don't want to do anything else except care for their small children. To be honest, if you are planning on being an SAHM for even a short amount of time, you are going to get this attitude from a lot of people, which is why its not worth getting too upset over it. You know that what you're doing is very important (and often bloody difficult) - even if you are hanging out in your PJs all day with your baby on your boob. Which reminds me - maastitis is more than a sore boob, it can make you feel really unwell, tired and shaky. So don't even think about doing more than making yourself a cuppa and watching bad daytime TV for a little while!

xposts - lol!

at sobernow's post

Take no notice and enjoy this time. A 10 week old is relatively easy as you don't have to take them to play groups, etc but it is a never ending job keeping up with their needs. They'll get a big enough shock when they do have kids and you won't have time to talk to them about their sore boobs as you will be too busy being MD of your own company.

What, you mean you dont run a bedside dotcom?

LOL - you have great sense of humour. You are doing fine. I agree, you are brave to pack in both visitors and clinic with a ten week old, that is more than I did!

Assumed there would be an x post there
Where's daydreambeliever got to? Is she off setting up that dotcom company?
Well I might rival that by seeing if I can empty the bins

agree with lauriefairycake.
also people who don't have children, can't remotely appreciate what it is like having them. When I was pg I didn't have a clue about what it'd be like.
hope the nastitis is sorted

GGGrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I just wish people would think before they open their gobs.

It sounds like you're doing a grand job, and like other posters have said people have no idea what it is like with a new baby until you've done it yourself.

As I am sure you realise, you are not being lazy, you are doing a fab job. Infact the most important job ever. I spent hours just cuddling, feeding and cooing over ds when he was a newborn, and I couldn't give a shit if it meant I got nothing done. It was a precious time.

Hope the sore boob situation improves - get the Lansinoh and savoy cabbage leaves out!! Have a bit of a cry to get rid of those annoyed feelings and excess hormones you've got, and get your dh to give you a great big cuddle when you get home.

Must admit, I did end up watching a load of re-runs of Buffy the Vampire slayer 'cos it coincided with a regular feeding marathon Also watched Jeremy Kyle for the first time

lol@Elffriend. I loved UK Gold when I was up at the crack of dawn BF-ing my son. There's no harm in gawping at 1994 episodes of Neighbours when you are sleep deprived, sore-titted and hormnonal. It was positively therapeutic for me :-)

I watched Sex and the City and tried Jeremy Kyle but he kept getting distracted by all the shouting.