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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder if this could be more? Think I’m in love with my best friend

731 replies

captainamericassexybeard · 18/02/2020 05:38

Have name changed for this because my other friend is on here and knows my username and I think I might combust with embarrassment if she came across this and clocked it was me (the wedding details might be outing).

I briefly “dated” a guy as a young teen and then we became really good friends and stayed that way, pretty much best friends ever since - purely platonic.
He’s a very attractive guy but I’ve genuinely never ever felt anything for him other than platonic love. Mutual friends have always said they don’t know why we aren’t together and some of my newer female friends have commented that they think there could be something there, but until recently I’ve always thought it was funny and brushed it off. I would have gone as far as to say we were like brother and sister!

Recently we went to a wedding together as I needed a plus one, and I don’t know what happened but it’s like I’ve suddenly seen him in a new light. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, we had a great night as always when we are out but it’s like something has clicked in my brain and now I can’t stop thinking about him.

We are going to another wedding together on Friday, I’m returning the plus one favour and I’m really ridiculously nervous! I feel like I’m going to act weirdly or something or get drunk and say something and we’ve been friends for nearly 17 years now so I don’t want to ruin it! I’ve been avoiding him all last week because I think I’ll just go red or make it really obvious that something has changed.

I’m mortified at being such a cliche and reading this post back it sounds like the set up
For a VERY bad romcom. I’m a bit beside myself. I don’t know what to do about it, if anything at all, and how on earth I tell if he could like me more than friends (inwardly cringing).
Jesus I’m too old for this shit.

OP posts:
familyof4boys · 20/02/2020 12:54

Good luck! Hope it works out for you both!

MargotsBumpyNight · 20/02/2020 13:02

Oh I love the prolonged hug suggestion! Or maybe a very close slow dance opportunity will present itself Grin

NotSusanna · 20/02/2020 13:38

Good luck OP! I hope you have a good day tomorrow. I love the dress.

SconNotScone · 20/02/2020 13:59

Hope tomorrow goes well for you!!!! The dress is gorgeous

Marahute · 20/02/2020 14:06

Blatant placemark-o'rama!
Good luck OP!!

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 20/02/2020 14:11

Following for romantic love story Star

OrlandoInTheWilderness · 20/02/2020 14:30

Not place marking at all.......!!!!!!

LOVE the dress! Good luck OP. If he is as good a friend as he sounds then even if you do tell him and he doesn't feel the same it'll be fine.

Minkyscamp · 20/02/2020 14:32

A lifetime of what-ifs await otherwise... go for it. As pp said, if he's a great friend, it won't be the end of that friendship if he doesn't feel the same.

Bagofoldbones · 20/02/2020 14:35

I bet he’s actually always liked you but didn’t want to lose you as a friend if he came out and told you.

Ohyesiam · 20/02/2020 14:44

Not me but one of my closest friends was in a situation very like yours op.

She suddenly has such a passion for her best friend.
She was a brides maid at a wedding of one of our group. She had been bending my ear about for a week before and I finally said she had to tell him.
So at the wedding she had engineered a quiet moment with him, and did a glum Face. He asked her what was up and she said
“ oh , you know. Everyone’s getting married and I haven’t even got anyone interested at the moment. (And she looked up at him with her big dark Spanish eyes) , it just feels like no one will ever fancy me again “ and she sighed and did a quivery Lower lip thing.
Well of course he showed her just how much he fancied her, and this story has become legend in our friend ship groupGrin.

It worked got her op...Smile and she knew she wouldn’t lose Face it she just ended up being comforted.

captainamericassexybeard · 20/02/2020 14:50

Oh god, it's TOMORROW.

Where has the time gone? WHERE HAS IT GONE. I'm not ready.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I feel giddy and slightly hysterical and terrified and also in need of wine. Lots of wine.

I found a cropped jacket in a kind of bottle green which goes with the dress beautifully, and I have neutral strappy shoes and clutch. So at least I have an outfit I feel really good in.

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 20/02/2020 14:56

We are all ready and sending you lots of confidence and positive thoughts for tomorrow! 💖

Connie222 · 20/02/2020 15:01

I hope it all works out for you op!

DisappearingGirl · 20/02/2020 15:07

Ooh good luck!!

Yes to the Dutch courage but, at the risk of sounding like your mum, don't overdo the wine TOO much. Puke all over him and the dress would not be such a good look! Just enough to feel a bit more confident, I reckon :)

thirstyformore · 20/02/2020 15:08

Oooh. Good luck for tomorrow! I would definitely get tiddly, try it on and blame the booze if you get knocked back.

tonglong · 20/02/2020 15:38

He has probably always wanted you.

SummerWhisper · 20/02/2020 15:51

The best approach is subtle...and very friendly. During the vows, hold his hand or link his arm and keep smiling as though you are both enjoying the shared experience of the couple's happiness...stay close as though you are already intimate. Lean into him / put your head on his shoulder in a friendly manner. Keep touching him lightly on the arm when you speak to him. Give him friendly hugs while both still sober, so it's a natural thing when you are a little tipsy...Halo

There is no way that he would say 'barking up the wrong tree' if you are NOT the object of his desires. That would be rude and from what you have written, he is not rude. So I am confident that you are his crush ❤

ellendegeneres · 20/02/2020 16:26

Oooh I can’t wait to see what happens! Good luck!

Sirzy · 20/02/2020 16:29

Enjoy tomorrow!

I am 3 years into a relationship with my best friend of 15 years and it is great because we already knew each other’s faults before we startedGrin

PinkiOcelot · 20/02/2020 16:51

Good luck for tomorrow x

Cotswolds10 · 20/02/2020 16:55

Aw, good luck tomorrow!

Bacardi101 · 20/02/2020 17:00

Eeek good luck OP I am super over invested in this! Beautiful dress go get him!!!!!!

1second · 20/02/2020 17:14

Shamelessly place marking, because... who doesn’t love, love?

I’m jealous OP! Even if it doesn’t work out in the end these feelings are what life is all about. So exciting!! Good luck Grin Oh & the dress is beautiful... Flowers

Gobbycop · 20/02/2020 18:14

For christ sake I'm a 43 year old guy and even I'm looking forward to hearing the outcome haha.

Best of luck (you won't need it) you'll be fine Smile

johnwayneisbigleggy · 20/02/2020 18:59

Watching with baited breath to see what happens tomorro...