AIBU dead neighbour

[Soggymacaroon]

So my hoarder neighbour died just after Christmas. She was an old lady, really nice but mad as a box of frogs. Anyway her family started clearing her house immediately but have just piled her stuff in her back garden, fair enough but it’s now been there weeks. With the storm it’s blowing rubbish everywhere. I know they’re grieving but AIBU to be a bit pissed off. My husband and I have offered to help but they didn’t want any and are instead just relying on the weekly rubbish collection. Is there anything I can do and not be a total bellend at the same time? It’s not food rubbish just house crap EVERYWHERE!

And FYI, the most current model for grief therapy is based on a 'dual process' which balances the emotional process of grieving while also attending to practical matters. The latter aspect is considered to be as therapeutic as the emotional processing. The family would benefit from moving things forward more decisively. But no doubt some will say I'm being a cold-hearted bastard. hmm

My father died before Christmas and I would say this is spot-on.

the bereaved family are just going to be under even more stress.
So one bereaved family trumps THE ENTIRE STREET? If shit if blowing around that’s also affecting other streets once it gets out of there, wildlife, possibly traffic making it a hazard. Your entitlement is on another planet.

Our council now charges for using the tip as do others. The Telegraph is running a campaign against it as it is bound to increase fly tipping.

Could you organise some sort of street work party? Yes, it isn’t your responsibility but it could get it mostly cleared if everyone took one car load to the tip

Good idea, but you'd need agreement from the relatives for this, otherwise it is theft, even though we're talking about rubbish that nobody wants.

I think you’re very nice to have left it so long OP! I wouldn’t be happy at all. If they couldn’t afford a skip/take to the tip they shouldn’t have piled it all up in the garden. Refuse collection won’t take furniture etc anyway so who are they expecting to take it?
They should’ve black-bagged the smaller items and put them out for the weekly collection and the larger items need to be taken to the tip. Or is it a different system in your area?
Sorry but grieving is no excuse to leave stuff dumped all over the garden and blowing around - I can safely say that where I live no one would do that.

YANBU, incredibly selfish of them. Agreed with PP’s who suggested contacting the council, not sure what else could be done short of clearing it yourself.

Some ridiculously harsh responses here. Bereavement doesn't excuse anti social behaviour. After my DH's DGPs had both died, obviously the family grieved, as they had been much love. And they'd also lost my DH's dad in a car accident (the DGPs' only DS. This had all been in the space of 2 years.

My MIL stayed nearby and spent many hours sorting through her PILs' possessions, helped by my DH and BIL. Then they sold the house, and there was a rush to buy it, because it was in a very sought after neighbourhood so we were able to sell it for significantly higher price than the advertised asking price.

We wouldn't have dreamed of just dumping their possessions in the front garden of their house. There's no excuse.

Someone in our street had this. A neighbour complained to the council - who sent a community officer round to look. The community officer issued an on the spot warning which was posted through the letterbox, giving the owner of the house 7 days in which to arrange for rubbish disposal. If after 7 days the rubbish was still there, the council would dispose of it and bill the house owner.

You've been more than reasonable to wait this long OP. I don't understand why they cleared the house out and then dumped it all in the garden to be left exposed to the elements for months?
I think you've done the right thing by offering to help them first and then contacting the council.

I did wonder how much the council will charge them,

Were you ever in the house op? If the lady had been hoarding for years I can’t imagine what the inside looks like . When my dh died it took me over a year to look at his things let alone get rid. when my grandparents died it took a few months after the last funeral to start looking and clearing

Of course you should report it OP it needs clearing ASAP. Frankly the family aren’t grieving uncontrollably if they’ve dumped everything that was precious to her in the garden, they just can’t be arsed to get rid of it properly.

I'd complain to the council. It's a rodent magnet.

Well of course, grief turns normal people into unthinking, mindless, selfless angels who can barely walk in a straight line anymore, due to the grief^!

Or they could just be mindless selfish gits. Who don't give a shit about rubbish blowing about in a street that they don't live in, and where they don't need to worry about the rats it'll encourage.

House clearance is hard but they’ve gone about it in an antisocial way. There was no need to pile it all in the garden for months. I’m not sure why you’ve had a hard time from some posters.

Unfortunately this is one of the consequences for not talking about and planning for death. As a contrast, when my granny knew she was dying she started the process of clearing things out viewing boxes of stuff from her bed, had her funeral planned down to the menu for the wake and had all her finances and paperwork filed and easily set out. Granted not everyone will be in a position to do that but it made everyone’s lives a lot easier.

FFS - it's a bit of mess - wind your neck in and let them grieve

Whatever the circumstances the rubbish shouldn't be dumped in the garden, especially with the storms we've been having, one thing doesn't offset the other.

You are not being unreasonable at all. When it's being blown around the street it becomes everyone's problem and it isn't nice.

You did the right thing phoning the council. As sad as it is that she's died, that amount of rubbish can't just be left to rot. If it's been there since Christmas it sounds like they're not going to do anything about it any time soon.

Good to know that grieving give you carte blanche to do what you like.

Glad you've called the council, hopefully they will take action.
Where my house is in the UK, the next door but one neighbour let their garden go to wrack and ruin, with rubbish bags and waist high vegetation - it was full of rats.
They invaded the house next to me when they were renovating - came in through open windows/doors and went under the floorboards, and then moved under the party wall to my house because it was quieter!!
I had the EHO in (when such things were an option) and it took 4 weeks to clear the buggers! EHO said it was a big infestation. She blamed the next door but one neighbour's garden for the source, and reported it to the council - not long after the house was served with some kind of order - compulsory purchase or something - and was sold on to someone who could actually fix it, fix the garden etc. No more rats!

Call the council and explain that the rubbish is blowing everywhere, and attracting rats. They will come out and investigate it.

I always wonder what sort of people drop their rubbish/let it fly away everywhere when I see all of the litter at the road side and ruining our beautiful countryside. Many of them appear to Be on this thread.

OP YANBU. Even when I lost my twin boys/my parent and was grieving terribly, this didn’t mean I acted like a filthy animal. I acted like a decent human being and tidied up my rubbish.

The council most likely offer free bulk collections. In our borough it’s up to 3 per year. We just need to call or fill an online form.

Rubbish = rats

people, she has a right to be concerned.

You've done the right thing in involving the council, OP. I had an eccentric uncle who ran a shop involving huge delivery boxes, all of them chucked in the rear yard with other garbage - it was like a Rodent Radisson out there

Nobody's going to be nasty to them and nor should they, but as with my uncle their responsibilities will be made clear and hopefully you'll all be able to move on

Flamingo I know, next time a relative dies I’ll use the opportunity to fly tip all the shit in my loft. I’ll be grieving so I can do what I like.

(Have lost parents, grandparents, aunts uncles, friends, and suffered late term miscarriages, so plenty of experience of grieving).