AIBU dead neighbour

[Soggymacaroon]

So my hoarder neighbour died just after Christmas. She was an old lady, really nice but mad as a box of frogs. Anyway her family started clearing her house immediately but have just piled her stuff in her back garden, fair enough but it’s now been there weeks. With the storm it’s blowing rubbish everywhere. I know they’re grieving but AIBU to be a bit pissed off. My husband and I have offered to help but they didn’t want any and are instead just relying on the weekly rubbish collection. Is there anything I can do and not be a total bellend at the same time? It’s not food rubbish just house crap EVERYWHERE!

The OP has said more than once that she recognises that the family are grieving, but given the recent and ongoing extreme weather the dead neighbour's hoarded belongings constitute a health hazard and the family seem to need support in getting it cleared. Stop bashing her ffs, she's trying to gauge opinion to make a respectful and responsible decision in the circumstances. Wind your own necks in!

And FYI, the most current model for grief therapy is based on a 'dual process' which balances the emotional process of grieving while also attending to practical matters. The latter aspect is considered to be as therapeutic as the emotional processing. The family would benefit from moving things forward more decisively. But no doubt some will say I'm being a cold-hearted bastard.

If they had to put it out of the house in one go, it should have gone in the back garden, not the front, and properly wrapped. Then they could gradually transport big stuff to the tip and put some in the dustbin.

Hiring a skip for a couple of days is not expensive and presumably they'll be inheriting something from your late neighbour. How humiliated would she have been to have all her personal effects on display to the world.

Having had to clear two homes out while grieving in the last 5 years I know it's perfectly possible to do so without causing a nuisance for the neighbours. In one case I hired a skip, in the other I took all the stuff to the tip myself and phoned the council to pick up the bigger pieces of furniture - it costs money though. I think it was a tenner per item!!

Maybe they are struggling with the costs, especially when they've had to fork out for a funeral. But you've done the right thing contacting the council - they can deal with it. You can't just dump stuff in a garden and not move it for weeks on end, grieving or not.

So really you just posted to point and judge your hoarder neighbour. If you felt that bad you’d have kept your nose out. Otherwise you’d have just got on and phoned the environmental health department. Totally pointless thread.

I’m hoping the council will help them clear it and not make it more difficult. I don’t want anyone to feel like shit I just want it gone.

I think it's fair for you to address it--it sounds really crazy

You really are insensitive OP, and I did not realise we had time limits on people grieving depending on you. Wind your neck in and mind your own business.

I’m not judging her, she was a lovely lady. Her hoarding never effected me before. I think it’s sad that she got into that situation. How can I keep my nose out when it’s everywhere? I’m worried about vermin as well how can I not react? I just don’t want to cause anymore problems for the family. Ideally the council will help them. Your negative opinion was really the pointless post but thanks for sharing it.

Would you find it acceptable if it was still there in a years time? No time limit to grieving but there is for keeping rubbish ins garden, open to the elements and enticing vermin in. How is that okay?

@SnowyRacoon surely it is her business if the rubbish is all over her street and garden.

Lots of people grieve without causing widespread nuisance. I cleared a house while being respectful to neighbours -and sensitive to family members while my heart was breaking. Grief takes many forms, and everyone does it at their own pace. But to suggest it’s an excuse for littering is just odd.

Course it’s not insensitive. They should have hired a skip. You can’t just pile rubbish up in a residential area for months and hope it just disappears. If OP hadn’t have acted now it’ll be crawling with rats by the time the summer comes.

I’ve cleared two houses of relatives after they’ve died. Yes, it’s hard, but you just have to either leave it and lock the door until you can deal with it, or sort it there and then. Piling it in the garden isn’t an option.

The council will give them several chances to clear it up and if they don’t they’ll issue them a warning notice before taking legal action. That’s way down the road. Hopefully it will give them the impetus they need to act.

Thanks for the information on how the council might deal with it. I just didn’t know if they could do anything, what with it being private property.

That level of rubbish covering a garden is a health hazard and you'll soon be seeing rats. It's blowing onto the road and causing a hazard to pedestrians and road-users. I know you don't want to be unkind, but the relatives are taking advantage. Are you going to wait to report it until an old person slips and breaks a hip, or someone's baby gets bitten by a rat?

Their garden - none of your business.

Vermin will only be an issue if there is food waste out there, but rubbish blowing everywhere is obviously not great. Could you and some other neighbours go and bag up the stuff that is on the pavements and road ?
Maybe the council will help clear it too ?
Clearing a house is emotionally exhausting, sibling and I had to clear my parents’ largeish house, and it was really tough . We hired a skip, and a van to take unwanted furniture to a furniture project. It took many days to clear it all though, so perhaps they are overwhelmed and can’t afford the things that help ?

Surely they will want to get rid of it all before selling the house. If they rely on council bin collections then it’ll take months.
Can you talk to the neighbours the other side and perhaps both of you can help?

If you read the thread you’ll see it really is my business when it’s not contained. I HATE rats too and my little one loves a play In the garden just lucky it’s too miserable to go out there and it’s keeping any nasty smells away....so far

I’ve asked if they want help. I’m happy to do it they are a nice family. The rat thing is more about making a home then scavenging. Already a family of squirrels live in her tree so there must be food sources close by

Some peculiar and harsh responses here to the mild and perfectly reasonable action you’ve taken.

Of course a garden piled high with rubbish for weeks/months is an issue for neighbours. It’ll attract vermin and it’s also unsafe in high winds like we’re having now.

It may well be that advice from the council will actually really help this family in working out how to tackle a complex, necessary job. There is no reason to think it’ll make it harder for them to process their grief; likely the opposite.

I think you made the right choice by involving Council. They will have resources available to be of assistance to the family while protecting the integrity of the discussion with you.

as an aside, I don't for the life of me see the point of moving/picking up something twice. If its rubbish, pick it up once and bin it (skip) gets the item sorted once and for all, moving onto the next. If they stand to inherit the property, I'm sure the Estate Solicitor will be able to provide financial assistance from the Estate to pay for the skip too.

Is it possible some of these items out the back have been put aside pending settlement of a family dispute? (ie who gets what).

You said it's not food rubbish though? So won't be attracting vermin. If it's "house crap" I don't see how it's blowing on cars etc as I'm taking that to mean furniture etc. You've reported it,fuck all else you can do, it may be a bit much for them at the moment or they just don't have the manpower or the money to physically do it. Or on the other side of it they may not give a shit/weren't close to her.

FFS it is the op’s business if the rubbish is blowing in her garden and causing a nuisance. I bet those saying leave it be would soon change their mind if it was their garden the rubbish was blowing into or if the mess attracted rats!

Irrespective of how much grieving someone is doing they still need to consider the neighbours and the mess that is blowing into the gardens or on the street.

I suppose it would be okay if some wood blew away and hit someone, injuring them, or caused an accident on the road?? Some people are really stupid!!

To be honest I couldn’t 100% say there is no food. There are sofas, zimmerframes, kids furniture, bikes and plastic bin bags full (not sure what’s in them) it’s mainly shopping bags that are blowing into the street and magazines/newspaper. It just looks like a really nice comfy place for a family of rats.

And how long should the op and the other neighbours on the street put up with the rubbish blowing from the garden?
Millions of people manage to grieve without causing possible environmental issues.
The op is doing the neighbour a big bloody favour by taking it further. If they are struggling to hire a skip, call out people who come and take your old furniture etc, then they won't be able to afford the exterminators to deal with the rat issue this will cause.

YANBU at all. I know what people mean when they say, "Oh let them grieve," but if you've lived next door to a hoarder, it's awful. My neighbour 5 doors up was a hoarder and while I wasn't directly affected, it was so stressful for the neighbours either side of her. You've absolutely done the right thing contacting the council, OP.