DP abandoning ship

[Cupofteaa]

Gave birth to my beautiful DD 7 weeks ago. She's suffered with reflux which has recently been helped with prescription gaviscon. However, it is now making her constipated meaning she is crying and not sleeping until she manages to go.

Over the weekend, she cried every evening for around 5 hours, almost continuously despite my best efforts to help her. DP was at work Fri, sat and sun evening meaning I was on my own with DD. I told him I was really struggling to soothe her and was getting very worked up myself having not eaten, slept or even showered and I'm having my first (mega) period since childbirth. I was really upset and overwhelmed last night with it all.

Tonight is his night off, he's gone out to the pub. AIBU to expect him to stay home and help me or at least let me get a bath? I appreciate he's working and coming home to an upset girlfriend but I could have really done with a few hours to myself or to at least soothe my stomach ache?

What an absolute wanker!

That is the epitome of selfish- not wanting to contribute to the soothing / care of DD?

Awful childish behaviour by him. LTB.

It's totally fair to want a break but it's totally shitty and unfair to take one when you haven't had a minute off and can't have a break too. He's taking his break at your expense and that's just SHIT. He needs to accept that for the first few months it's all hands on deck and it's about taking care of each other not just yourself.

I think so much has already been said about him needing to step up. I will only add that around this age I started going out to a class one night a week. It was tough for the first month, it would have been easier to stay home really and DH and I had several conversations about him ‘punishing’ me for going by sulking and the like. But six months on it’s important in our routine. I get a chance to not be mum. DH gets a chance to establish his own routines and bond with baby.

OP said 11.20pm he was only just his way home - seriously?

Maybe I am being a bit soft, he's on his way home now so I'll try put my foot down!

When he's lying down. On his testicles. Hard.

How did it go OP?

I'm not sure what sort of discussions you have had re: expectations regarding parenting and running a home between you. Now might be a good time for you both to have that chat if you haven't already.

The way you've presented his behaviour does makes me wonder if he thinks his sole job as a parent and partner is to be a monetary provider. Is he aware he will also need to provide emotional support, time and interaction with his DD, a hand in the domestic chores etc.

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, OP. DD 1 had reflux like this and I still look back thinking it was the hardest thing I've ever been through. (And that was with a DH who was always with us when he wasn't working.)

YANBU

If you get along well with his mother then tell her and hopefully she’ll give him a kick up the arse.

Some men really don’t get what it is to have a child and expect to carry on regardless.

I also think you need to get yourself checked out. 7 weeks is very close to giving birth to have a heavy period. I was breastfeeding so mine were delayed in returning. But it was 5 months before my first period.

Yanbu. It was around that time that my ds developed severe colic and it was horrific. He cried day and night. I wouldn't have coped If it wasn't for my dh. We shared everything. He would come home during lunch to relieve me for 30 min at least, then take over immediately when he got in from work. We would then take a shift overnight. That is how you get through it together.

I would be furious if I were you.

Your dp clearly can't be bothered that HIS child needs him too and his partner needs his support. He doesnt need to be told that he needs to be a parent!

Prick.

You both need a break talk it through and agree down time for both of you .
your at home he's at work in the day then 50/50 when both at home and agree free time for each .

With a baby with reflux the person caring for the baby most needs much more than 50% of the available rest/leisure time.

Tbh I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time round, (some people are shit with picking up on this sort of stuff) No they are not. Only lazy arseholes would say they hadn't picked up the signal. OP has told him she needs help and he's left her. 7 weeks in and he's already a shitty father.

Selfish pig.

Hope he apologized for being a selfish twat and has realised that he is a parent now so he needs to step up.

My youngest is around the same age as yours with suspected reflux Op and my partner is the complete opposite to yours. He comes home from work and instead of sitting down he will make tea, tidy up, look after the baby, etc, whatever needs doing because we are a partnership.

Oops wrong post