DP abandoning ship

[Cupofteaa]

Gave birth to my beautiful DD 7 weeks ago. She's suffered with reflux which has recently been helped with prescription gaviscon. However, it is now making her constipated meaning she is crying and not sleeping until she manages to go.

Over the weekend, she cried every evening for around 5 hours, almost continuously despite my best efforts to help her. DP was at work Fri, sat and sun evening meaning I was on my own with DD. I told him I was really struggling to soothe her and was getting very worked up myself having not eaten, slept or even showered and I'm having my first (mega) period since childbirth. I was really upset and overwhelmed last night with it all.

Tonight is his night off, he's gone out to the pub. AIBU to expect him to stay home and help me or at least let me get a bath? I appreciate he's working and coming home to an upset girlfriend but I could have really done with a few hours to myself or to at least soothe my stomach ache?

Is he still out?

Yes. Won't be home for a while as his football team is playing.

@fuckyoubrexitvoters (love your name) thank you that's given me a lot of hope. He's a good man, just think he's struggling to appreciate what having a baby actually involves

DD will pick up on your stress so I dont actually think a row will change matters

He needs to realise exactly how awful and unsupportive he is being to you. Just tell him you need him home

OP ffs just tell him you and your DD need him home - you are his priority not his football team.

If he is a good man who is struggling to appreciate it you need to tell him and tell him now

I remember having to rather chokingly ask DH, who was bloody marvellous, and I didn't have a baby with reflux, but I was on my knees. Yes, I'm a weak woman, no doubt. But I had to say I couldn't cope with the twice weekly training for a sport, and his meeting with a social group, and to be left alone for still longer with the little piranhas. I needed to be able to throw gently place our beloved offspring in his arms while I went and screamed had a bath.

Wow.

What an absolute arsehole you've had a baby with.

As long as you're free to go off to the pub tomorrow night and leave him to it, that's fine.

Very old fashioned maybe (probably) but if your baby is crying anyway and nothing consoles her, I would just put my baby down, knowing she had been fed/burped/clean diapered and go and have a shower anyway.

I used to have a high needs baby who cried for hours and hours every day, and DH and I really had to stop the notion that someone had to hold the baby at any given time. I thought I Could only eat , shower or go To the loo if the baby slept of DH was holding her....

When she cries and cries sometimes just putting her down for a few minutes whilst you have a shower or boil the kettle does no harm, and you need it.

A screaming reflux baby is truly exhausting. My DS3 had dreadful reflux and would scream all day. I would suggest you change gaviscon to Ranitidine. Worked wonders and my DS was a different baby. As for your OH he is not being supportive at all. I dont think he is understanding the reality of how your day is when he is at work and it sounds like he thinks he deserves a break. You need to tell him you need him home and need time out....

He shouldn't be "helping" you, he should be being a bloody parent!!
I am so cross for you OP!

*He has been working - he also needs time to recover

Give me strength !*

Quite!

He should realise for himself what he needs to be doing. It's not rocket science - he needs to step up and be a dad.

He isn’t a good man op.
No good man would prioritise what he has.

You shouldn’t have to ask people for help, especially not your partner when you have a newborn.

He really doesn’t give a shit, stop excusing it.

Can you stay with your parents?

I felt the same way with my first child @TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead

By the second I thought meh- you’re fine, I can’t console you anyway, I need a drink, wee, few minutes of peace.

We don’t half put the pressure on ourselves to stop our babies from crying, babies cry. They’re fine.

‘Momentarily’

You’re human too op. As much as your baby needs you, you also need yourself and if you don’t look after yourself you can’t give your baby what they need.

It is so mentally draining having a newborn, look after yourself!

This baby is suffering from reflux and constipation. Not fine.

He’s a twat

A 'good man' doesn't leave the person he claims to love with his own baby under these circumstances. He's not working; he's at the pub. And he knows fine well how draining 5 straight hours of crying days in a row are, which is why he's dumped it all on you ... he's not a 'good man'. He's an arse.

He doesn't get it. He just doesn't get it. He thinks that you are the person solely responsible for the baby, and you are not, TWO of you made her and TWO of you are her parents. He needs to come home and do his bit. My baby also had reflux and the screaming was just awful (the neighbours started asking if she was OK - my MIL couldn't even handle it), so I know how utterly hellish it is, but he needs to understand that this is his challenge to take on, not a horrible situation to try to escape. YOU don't get to escape.

I'm so sorry, OP, I really hope he gets his act together. But I'm sending you solidarity, I have been there and I know how shit it is. It may feel like this screaming is going to be forever, but I promise there IS an end to it. Things get so much better. Enjoy your lovely darling baby and I hope your idiot partner gives his head a wobble soon.

oh, and I second trying out ranitidine! gamechanger for us. Also I quit dairy (I was EBF, but if you do formula maybe ask GP about an allergy formula?) and that may have been the thing that helped us turn the corner.

You’re missing the point @mbosnz

No, I think you are @Jellybeansincognito. In this particular instance.

He was told you weren't coping well and he went to the pub.

I'd be livid. Well actually 7 weeks after DD was born I would have been a snotty mess. Now I'd be livid.

Op cannot soothe her baby- it is perfectly reasonable for op to not be attempting to do so constantly whilst her baby is crying.

Some babies also do this for no known medical reason.

Yes OPs baby has reflux and constipation, it is still OK for op to put down her crying baby for her own mental well-being.

Are you getting the message yet? @mbosnz or are you going to demand a struggling OP hold on tight to her baby constantly even though it will make no difference to how her baby is feeling?