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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
sauvignonblancplz · 18/02/2020 08:13

@HoppingPavlova Yes all those statements are your choice & you’re free to exercise them.
The OP is also free to exercise her and should be able to do so with the feelings of shame & judgement imposed upon her .
What part of that is so difficult to understand?

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 08:20

What these threads always show is that lots of people aren’t really okay with bfing. They have been trained to put up and shut up when it comes to small babies, but they’ve never actually come to terms with it or dissociated breasts from what they’ve been trained to see as their primary, sexual purpose.

So for an older child, all kinds of ‘substitutes’ are seen preferable for comfort or sustenance when in public. Cows milk, dummies, bottles, quavers (Hmm) rather than nature’s most effective pacifier.

Breasts are still seen as shameful and to be avoided unless absolutely necessary (which no one ever accepts might be the case last about 6 months). It’s tragic.

The ‘well a two year old can wait’ arguments are also very interesting, when our adult food and drink culture is all about instant gratification. You can’t move these days for people sipping from water bottles and take away coffees. I don’t see any outrage about that either.

floatygoat · 18/02/2020 08:21

This thread is shocking, the attitudes to breastfeeding in British are very strange.

YANBU op x

floatygoat · 18/02/2020 08:21

*british culture

larrygrylls · 18/02/2020 08:25

It is not how you feed, it is THAT you feed which is a problem.

Would you get out a snack and feed your toddler in a shoe shop? It is for shopping! 2.5 year olds can wait until you get to a cafe or home.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 08:26

I’m sorry you have faced some real negative judgements on here just for doing what’s best for your child

Yes..it's just appalling when people have differing opinions.

ClappyFlappy · 18/02/2020 08:27

YABU, a 2.5 year old doesn’t need to be BF on demand. Or arguably at all, but that’s a different debate and your choice.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/02/2020 08:30

Ds4 bf until he was 3. He was diagnosed with asd at just over 2 years old.

I think the majority of people would prefer the bf in public to the massive meltdown he would have had if I'd said no when he was anxious and wanting comfort

AvoidingRealHumans · 18/02/2020 08:36

I haven't read all the posts but caught a few saying that if they needed to be fed then it has to be done but I'm a bit confused as to why a 2 year old is still on demand breast feeding? There is nothing wrong with breast feeding a 2 year old but I would have thought at that age that their main source of nutrition would be from food. You definitely wouldn't pull a lunchbox out in the middle of a shop and start eating it so I don't see how this is different, of course breast feeding a baby is completely different and it should be done wherever without anyone batting an eyelid. Maybe wrongly, but I would assume that the breast feeding is more of a comfort thing for a child that age than it is to get rid of hunger?

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 08:37

I think the majority of people would prefer the bf in public to the massive meltdown he would have had if I'd said no when he was anxious and wanting comfort

Well you would think.

Apparently not though.

Did you ever try quavers? Apparently they’re a preferable option. Wink

user1494182820 · 18/02/2020 08:40

@stillbreathingstillhere

Yes, about this it is bloody disgraceful that there are so many differing opinions. Regardless of what anyone says to comfort themselves, all methods of feeding young children are not equal. Breast is best, absolutely, unquestionably. I have formula fed due to medical necessity and other than that, it should really be discouraged. The comments here come from such an ingrained anti-breastfeeding culture in this country and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. It needs to change now.

ethelfleda · 18/02/2020 08:46

Laurie you always manage to articulate my views on breastfeeding so perfectly Smile

As I said earlier, if someone had asked ‘was I unreasonable for sitting down in a shoe shop to cuddle my toddler for a few minutes for some some comfort after just buying some shoes’ the OP would have gotten a resounding ‘YANBU’

A dit happens, people clearly dislike breastfeeding after a certain age but no they aren’t really ok to feel that way.

larrygrylls · 18/02/2020 08:48

User,

Breast really is not best after 6 months in a developed country. In fact the real benefits exponentially decrease after a few weeks. It is nutrition but there is nothing special about it once a baby is weened.

The 3 year WHO guidance is for places without reliable clean water.

If you disagree, please provide some meaningful evidence.

Poppinjay · 18/02/2020 08:51

Kids won’t explode if they hear the words ‘no’ or ‘you will have to wait until I am finished looking at the shoes’.

People won't explode if a mother sits on an unused seat in a shop and BFs her child.

Lots of people on her are making out that the issue is where she sat but it's clear that, if she had been just holding her toddler, they would have had no issue whatsoever. Their real issue is that she was BFing, which they think should be done somewhere more 'private', more 'comfortable' or 'more appropriate for eating'. Some think that she should have given him a different sort of food or drink without being able to explain why BM isn't acceptable.

The OP wasn't taking a seat that was needed by anyone else, although that doesn't matter anyway. There isn't one poster on this thread who is genuinely concerned that the OP might have prevented another paying customer from sitting down to try on shoes. It's the BFing that they take issue with, not the sitting.

Those saying she could have made the child wait are missing the point that there wasn't any need whatsoever for the child to wait. He asked for something she was happy to give him there and then. The benefits of learning to wait until other people are ready to give you something don't come into it as she was ready.

The seat she chose felt sufficiently private, comfortable and appropriate to her. She made a decision that it was the right thing to do to agree to her child's request. The facts that others may have felt differently or that some people might be uncomfortable if they became aware that she was BFing are irrelevant.

People who are offended by BFing in public just need to be exposed to more of it until it becomes unworthy of comment. The OP is kindly contributing to that Smile

Posters scrabbling around for spurious reasons why BFing was inappropriate in that situation, whilst declaring themselves to be pro-BFing, are clearly blind to their own prejudices.

Mothers are free to BF their children where, when and how they choose and the age of the child is nobody else's business. This thread is a clear illustration of how many mothers, even though they may have BF themselves, are far from supportive of BFing in general.

If you wouldn't be concerned about someone giving their child a cuddle or a drink from a bottle or cup somewhere, you have no right to be concerned that they are BFing.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 08:54

Breast really is not best after 6 months in a developed country. In fact the real benefits exponentially decrease after a few weeks. It is nutrition but there is nothing special about it once a baby is weened.

A) this isn’t true, there are lots of additional benefits which I’m sure someone will link to or I will later (can’t now)

B) the benefits of bfing go FAR beyond nutrition, particularly for this age.

C) it’s just common sense anyway. Why would BM supplied for a whole other species be preferable to BM produced for a mother for her own baby?

Yesterdayforgotten · 18/02/2020 08:55

Some shops have no food or drink rules in store period. Should breastfeeding an older child be allowed and a different child sitting having a drink and eating a snack for instance not be? IMO if it is the shops policy of no food and drink than that's fine but if the shop does allow children to eat and drink than it should be more than okay to breastfeed too.
It would be interesting to do any experiment in the same shop and sit in the same seat and feed your child a snack and see if you are asked to move.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 08:55

@user1494182820
Breast is best, absolutely, unquestionably
Er...No. Not necessarily.

Yes, about this it is bloody disgraceful
Christ alive...calm down. It's feeding. Why do so women make such a fucking song and dance about this shit All.The.Time

you should all be ashamed of yourselves
Lol.... Get a grip.

I imagine the op will be in her local rag next week

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 09:00

all methods of feeding young children are not equal. Breast is best, absolutely, unquestionably. I have formula fed due to medical necessity and other than that, it should really be discouraged

Oh give it a rest. Its loons like you who make it a fucking nightmare for new mums. Nobody died from being given formula. Do some research around the Breast is Beast mantra. Might surprise you.

SnoozyLou · 18/02/2020 09:00

YANBU. If the toddler was sitting down having a drink from a beaker, would they have said the same?

Probably. It's their shop - they can impose whatever rules they like. Many shops don't allow eating or drinking.

YABU.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 18/02/2020 09:04

@LaurieMarlow You really need to get over the quavers comment. You keep mentioning it... move on! By 2.5, I’m guessing most children have eaten a few crisps at some point. You seem pretty obsessed with this thread, so I’m guessing you also saw the clarification that was posted after. However, you wouldn’t mention that as you seem to enjoy nitpicking everyone else’s comments...

Truth22 · 18/02/2020 09:07

2.5 year olds are not reasonable. They want what they want when they want it. Sometimes it's so hard to say no whey they want to nurse and I don't think you did anything wrong! Honestly don't sweat it. Not everyone is comfortable with public BF'ing unfortunately but I would just chalk this up to ignorance and stupidity on the shop lady's part.

StillbreathingStillhere · 18/02/2020 09:08

but I would just chalk this up to ignorance and stupidity on the shop lady's part
Nice Hmm

Pilot12 · 18/02/2020 09:09

I breastfed my son until he was three, at that age I would have just said "no you can't have the boobies right now, we'll go back to the car, to the cafe down the road then you can have them. If he was hungry I would put him in his pushchair and give him a snack and his water cup.

LaurieMarlow · 18/02/2020 09:12

You really need to get over the quavers comment. You keep mentioning it... move on!

I did not start the quavers debacle my love. We know who did. Wink

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 18/02/2020 09:16

@Lauriemarlow Ive just been unable to tag you... I’m guessing you’re in the middle of a name change to troll someone or to agree with yourself. Get a life love!

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