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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 15:28

A shoe shop is private property, they can make the rules.

No they don't, they abide by the law like everybody else Hmm

tempnamechange98765 · 17/02/2020 15:29

Sorry OP just seen your drip feed...in that situation no YANBU then, you were a paying customer with a potentially disabled toddler.

It is very relevant that he has suspected ASD if BF calms him down, as it can be different with NT toddlers (my DS had a dummy to sleep at that age, but I wouldn't have whipped it out in the day time to comfort him as I was able to cuddle/reason/distract him, which you may or may not be able to do easily in a public place if your child has ASD).

Cookit · 17/02/2020 15:32

I don’t think the ASD is particularly a drip feed as it shouldn’t really matter.

I fed past 3 years. Not in public but that was MY choice because I didn’t want to past 1ish very much but if others did I had nothing but admiration. You weren’t getting in the way, it’s not messy and feeding at that age should be perfectly normal.. a non issue.

LipsyGirl · 17/02/2020 15:34

Whichever way you want to look at this Op, your well within your rights, your child needs extra support. You’ve done nothing wrong. Continue to do what your doing. BF at 2.5yo is incredible I only managed 6 months. Your doing great & I hope you get the support you need x

Jaxhog · 17/02/2020 15:57

but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes

Perhaps it was a woman BF her toddler that put them off? It was rather cheeky to think you could BF any child in the middle of a store on seats that are reserved for customers. But I suspect BF a 2.5 year old toddler looked a little weird and off-putting.

EasterIssland · 17/02/2020 16:03

Reading this thread is so sad really. Makes me wonder whether we’re really in 2020

For those saying feeding a toddler is weird. Who recommends to breast feed at least 2 years. I guess it’s less off putting to give our children cows breast milk

Bubbles1402 · 17/02/2020 16:05

@chocolatemademefat

How bloody ignorant !!! I would squirt my breast milk in your face ! I don’t give a fu** if it’s uncomfortable for you it’s the law to feed our babies wherever we want , I would love you to say that to my face if you saw me feeding in public! It’s a breast ffs get over yourself !!!!! To the poster you are not being unreasonable!!!! You carry on feeding wherever the f you like your a star ! and that woman telling you to leave is breaking the law you were a customer !

WinterCat · 17/02/2020 16:06

Why did you start this thread, OP? It’s quite clear you don’t think you were BU and you are not prepared to hear anything from anyone saying anything to the contrary.

Herringbone31 · 17/02/2020 16:08

I’m all for breastfeeding. I’m all for feeeidng till whatever age you want

However. Yes. The breastfeeding is irregardless. She wasn’t saying to not feed. She was saying the place you sat was for people wanting to try on shoes

And your child could of been given a drink from a cup if he was very thirsty. I would of done that.

Herringbone31 · 17/02/2020 16:09

If you were buying shoes
Then why didn’t you tell the assistant that?

Very strange.

Rosebel · 17/02/2020 16:10

I can honestly say I never gave my children a snack in a shop. That includes my daughter with ASD. A 2.5 year old can wait and as you'd finished why not just go to the car.
I have experienced massive meltdowns with my daughter but that doesn't mean I just give in, easy as,that would be. It's a fact of life that sometimes children have to wait a few minutes.

FREEM · 17/02/2020 16:11

I'm not sure of the point of this post as the OP has her firm held opinion.
I think the age is relevant. old enough to understand they can wait for a snack whether that be Quakers or a boob

Sux2buthen · 17/02/2020 16:12

To those saying they can/ should wait...their right not to wait is legally protected. Almost anywhere. So a lot of irrelevant points being made.
It's not the same as eating in a shop unless the woman feeding starts squeezing it out on the shoes.

MazDazzle · 17/02/2020 16:13

If you bought shoes you were a paying customer and should surely be allowed to use the facilities on offer for customers.

I’m shocked at the sales assistant’s attitude. What if you’d sat down to have. Phone conversation? Or sat down whilst you waited on a lift?

Bizarre behaviour on their part.

Herringbone31 · 17/02/2020 16:15

I also think just not the space you were at. Anywhere else in the shop. But the seats you were on I expect are those seats that you try shoes on

It doesn’t matter ultimately. As from the drop feed you’ve given. You are arguing with everyone anyway.

Bibijayne · 17/02/2020 16:18

Yikes. Some of the comments here! A quick nurse of a toddler is fine OP.

JudyCoolibar · 17/02/2020 16:19

She was saying the place you sat was for people wanting to try on shoes

But they had no-one wanting to use the space. If OP got up and left the space vacant, it wouldn't have been used. I wonder if they would have complained if OP had simply been sitting there whilst her child tried on shoes?

SpaceDinosaur · 17/02/2020 16:20

It. Is. Your. Legal. Right.

You were legally allowed to be there.
Your child was legally allowed to be there.

You are entitled to feed your child OF ANY AGE in public. To request that you move/leave/stop IS AGAINST THE LAW. So 🖕🖕to people questioning the child's age.

You are protected by law to breastfeed your child in public.

In England and Wales, your right to breastfeed in public is covered by The Equality Act 2010 which states, “A business cannot discriminate against mothers who are breastfeeding a child of any age.”

You were not unreasonable.
People who want the child to wait, cute. That may have been your choice when you nursed your toddler but that's precisely it, YOUR CHOICE. And legally, a nursing mother doesn't have to choose the same as you did and you can't stop her.

"Was I being unreasonable for nursing on an available seat in a shop in which I had just spent money?"
NO
And complain about the cretin who thought it was ok to ask to move you, clearly ignorant but nothing a little education can't amend.

Shinygreenelephant · 17/02/2020 16:21

This thread is really depressing. Will never understand why so many people are so weird about breastfeeding. You were not in any way unreasonable. Even if you weren't a customer, even if it was busy, but certainly not in the circumstances you describe. It was against the law for her to ask you to move and you should complain to the shop, you would at the very least get an apology from head office. I breastfeed wherever we are when my baby wants to breastfeed and luckily (for them) noone has ever tried to make me feel uncomfortable, but its sad to know that so many people are still so judgy about it

Herringbone31 · 17/02/2020 16:21

She didn’t tell her to stop though

She just said could you not do that here as that’s for people trying on shoes....

She didn’t say stop immediately breastfeeding in public. She didn’t even tell her to stop!

It’s like someone waiting in a queue. To pick their nose. Could you not do that here as this is a queue.....

The post has gone on to breastfeeding. Which I doubt very much this is about

JudyCoolibar · 17/02/2020 16:21

@oldfashionedtastingteas, the shoe shop can't make the rules: it has to comply with the Equality Act like every other business.

SpaceDinosaur · 17/02/2020 16:23

I would possibly say you were unreasonable if you had stood on the seat, stripped to the waist and shimmied in sequin nipple tassels whilst singing "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" without having brought your child shopping with you... but that's mainly because I detest feet on seats 😄

BumbleBree · 17/02/2020 16:27

I don’t know. I don’t go sit in River island and have my lunch when I buy something. How was the assistant to know you were only going to be a couple of minutes? Any designated seating area for food, drink or just waiting ie in a centre, go ahead, but that’s not what the shops put the seats there for.

nocoolnamesleft · 17/02/2020 16:33

YABU: buying shoes without trying them on?!??!?!

Hepsibar · 17/02/2020 16:34

I dont know why, but I would have been one of those people giving you a wide space ... and prob leaving the shop without buying shoes.

I think it's the inappropriateness of the location, similarly if a couple of teens were hands all over each other and deep snogging.

I am sorry to think of Little Britain and the "Bitty" sketches but just cant get over it.

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