To think it’s not enough to say be kind etc, people and children need educating on being kind and how to help others

[Lardlizard]

Why are we not taught this shit at school etc

Kindness is definitely something taught in the home and reinforced by school, not the other way round

Though I wonder - MN places a lot of emphasis on putting yourself first, not doing things for others if you don't want to - behaviours that are generally regarded as "kind". But this was ever a place of cognitive dissonance

Spent years teaching my kids to be kind. All that happened is that they missed out time and time again. Now going for kind (but assertive).

Most schools do t do enough to teach social skills but some do. I know of one particular school where everyone who comes out of that school seems to be made in a factory mould with impeccable manners and a super human ability to make everyone try come into contact with feel good about themselves. Once you get to know these people better it’s clear that they all have very different personalities (a few whom I know to have suffered pretty bad abuse or other trauma as children), they’ve all just be taught to be really pleasant and kind. This school only take pupils aged 13 or over so it’s definitely untrue that it’s too late by the time people reach school.

I'm a Learning Mentor in a primary school, and a huge amount of my time is dedicated to promoting kindness, respect, self-esteem and resilience.

I am a ‘kind’ person
I have spent the last 20 years learning to be less ‘kind’ and be more assertive
My DC are ‘kind’ individuals but I have also had to teach them to stand up for themselves against bullies, to be assertive within the workplace, and to ensure they have healthy equal relationships
I think be kind’ is far too trite, quite meaningless and impossible to define
If you actually mean ‘do more to support people with MH issues’ or ‘don’t support press harassment’ or ‘stop bullying people on social media’
Then say so

School's now got kindness to add to healthy eating, combating extremism, resilience, hygiene, citizenship, exercise, respect, life skills.... the list goes on. When are they supposed to squeeze in a bit if reading and writing?

FWIW I think most schools do have policies to encourage kindness.

Kindness is something that needs to be taught at home. The education system does not have the resources to raise children (and it shouldn't) - it is there to provide children with academics and arts. If schools encourage kindness that is excellent, but it is not a teacher's job to teach basic morals. That is what parents are for. People who do not teach kindness at home, frankly, shouldn't be having children.

If schools didn't encourage values around kindness, they'd be bloodbaths! Some children have good foundations intalled from home... some...don't. Schools have to be ordered societies to be able to function.

When I play games with my DCs, they're told to "play with grace". Don't brag and be a sore winner. Don't gloat. Don't be a sore loser. It is easier with one child than the other due to their nature.

As a parent, I see school as responsible for chunks of their education, but not the entire package. I have more long term influence on my children, but ultimately they will develop and make their own choices. Each family is in its own circumstances and some have much less resources of time, inclination and personality to put into that. By giving my children the best social start I can, it eases the pressure on school to be able to support those who need more input.

I don't think it's about being "kind" in real life... I think the issue is that most people nowadays obsess over social media, even non celebrities (there's a post on here about someone being unfollowed and wondering why).

That is the crux of the issues.

I don't think the media had a "witch hunt" against Caroline flack and I think that personally things are a lot better with the paparazzi than they used to be.

However, combined with social media and internet trolls it is a dangerous combination.

If all you are reading about yourself is negative then it won't matter what those around you say, the trolls and online comments are there as "proof".

Maybe "likes" and comments should be disabled on social media... people might then stop having their self-worth dependent on how many people "like" something they've posted online?

It's a sad indictment of society and I am only too aware that my children have been born into it.

Be kind? what a load of fucking bullshit. Of course we all know we should 'be kind'. But, really?
Yeah, that will last ... a week? a couple of days? The media will post pictures of the next pop star, the next Philip Schofield etc, within the week.

Saoirse7 That’s what I’m saying not all kids are raised in loving stable homes where they are spoken to kindly !
I’m not having a go a teachers I think they do a hard job for not much money

Oh the irony...on AIBU.....the home of the keyboard bullies...
The FB virtue signalling will soon die down..

I don't think being kind has anything to do with your background. A kid with a bad homelife may shout, hit etc etc as learned behaviour. BUT they will not necessarily be unkind .

To me unkind is much more a personality flaw. It's a combination of being thoughtless, a lack of regard for others' feelings and also that nasty frisson of pleasure which comes from putting down others.

I witnessed an "unkind" girl at dd's nursery school. At four years old she was telling dd that she couldn't play with her and her friends, that she had to sit the other side of the circle, that her cardigan was ugly. Now there was an "unkind" adult in the making. A child from a naice middle-class family with a naice mother. And a million times meaner than some of the kids in the school where I work who have definitely come from the other side of the tracks.

Wouldn’t a better message be “don’t be deliberately unpleasant” or the good old “treat others as you’d like to be treated”? As pp have said, kindness is contextual and can put you in a position of being taken advantage of.

You'll find many (most?) schools do "teach" kindness. One of the Golden Rules, a popular set of values used by many schools, is 'Be kind'. I've taught in primary schools using this value as a basis for assemblies, awards, PSHE, Philosophy for the last decade.

Schools can only do so much. If a child's home environment is doing nothing to instill the same values then we're on an uphill battle a lot of the time. Broadly speaking, who is a child more likely to copy: a parent they see every day being intimidating, shouting, swearing and fighting, or a teacher they see around 190 days of the year who has perhaps 29 other pupils to deal with but does their best to show kindness and instill it in all their pupils?

I think most people are generally kind and then circumstances happen and they fight their corner.

I work with children who have terrible home lives and have been excluded from school, usually for doing really awful things to their peers or to school property.

They still say please and thank you and hold doors open, they still like to make a cake for the teacher, make a friend who's feeling down laugh or raise money for charity, it's just that sometimes, they react to the very difficult situation they find themselves in.

Who knows what the people posting unkindness online are facing in their own lives?

LardLizard, what I'm saying is that it is already part of the curriculum, it already is being taught. You are insinuating that it isn't being taught when it is.

No I’m not, I’m saying we somehow need to do more

But mainly, I, too, have issues with being told to be 'kind'.

Me too. Not posting nasty stuff on the internet - everyone should be on board with that. But put up with bad behaviour from friends, relatives or partners and not pulling them up on it because it's kind? Or telling children that yes they really do have to play with that horrid bully because it's kind. Or any other number of incidents.

Too often "be kind" is said in the context of "be a pushover and let someone walk all over you".

Why are we not taught this shit at school etc

Why are babies not put into schools from birth, absolve their breeders from all responsibility? How much more of parental responsibilty are you wanting to dodge?
I honestly think that many people should never have had children at all.

“I honestly think that many people should never have had children at all.”
But they do don’t they

Schools do teach kindness but often that kindness prevents children from standing up for themselves . Do you have to be kind to a bully ? We should be teaching assertiveness and resilience .

Schools spend a lot of time teaching kids to be kind, considerate, not bullies etc. And I’m sure this helps to an extent. But ultimately I think that what kids see before they go to school will determine how they view fellow human beings. If carers treat others with kindness, then children will generally follow suit.

What is driving me mad is the Facebook “be kind” profile pictures. I’ve seen 2 today, from school mums who I know for a fact have been nasty bullies to another school mum. It’s all just show for the benefit of social media.

Kindness starts with teaching your toddler not to kill insects, letting them see you help others, or being polite to other people, and doing things for others that you don’t have to do. Teaching kids to share, take turns etc. I also think it’s good to ask kids to “imagine if”, so that early on they get into the habit of trying to view the world from different perspectives.

I totally agree it’s about the home package kindness yet also boundary setting and ability to stick up for themselves

Schools and parents should teach that about different perspectives, listening skills, trying to understand other people's point of view.

So many people have binary views at the moment - it's rare to hear anyone say that 'it's complicated, I can see that they may have some good points, and I hope that they can see the points I have as well"

But that's too complicated for Twitter and our soundbite world.

You see it on here as well. People with their fixed views.

Being kind is great. Trying to see other people's point of view also helps.