To ask for the question you always get asked, when the person saying it thinks they're the first person to say it.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Light-hearted.

Examples. As a teen I worked in a shop, sometimes something doesn't scan and the customer (if paying attention) without fail would say, "Oh, that's free then?" Followed by a chuckle.

I wear very high heels a lot, I get told all the time, "How you don't break your neck in those, I'll never know!"

The latest one, my DP is a head chef, people always say, "Oooh, I bet you get loads of lovely meals cooked for you!" I bloody wish, it's a Busman's Holiday for him, he doesn't want to cook after a day in the kitchen. 😆

Sorry @violinist64 cross post and you beat me to it

Turmeric also acts as an anti platelet

Vampirethriller "deaf dog? Are you sure?"
Oh my god! Me too! Every. single.time!! One dog professional even squeaked a ball repeatedly in her ear when I was holding her, she didn't flinch, I wanted to bite his hand off as her ear was very near mine at the time.
I remember a new vet not believing me as she "heard" me come in.... or smelled me/my perfume in a small surgery perhaps?

Will add she was the best trained dog I ever had, walked off the lead perfectly to heal, obeyed command. She was amazing- unlike the little b**ch I have now... same breed, same markings (CKC spaniel) complete different kettle of badly behaved fish

Oh and my son is adopted.... get told he looks just like me am I sure?.... yep pretty sure....

We work flexitime and I don't usually start work until about 10am, which is perfectly fine. If I get in earlier, which I sometimes do if I've got an early meeting or a particularly busy day,there's always a couple of people, yes blokes, who think it highly funny and original to say "Don't usually see you at this time! Did you wet the bed this morning hahahaha!!??"

Apparently telling them that I'll wring out my TenaLady over their keyboards if they don't shut up isn't that funny to them. I'm more senior and don't find their jokes that funny. I've warned them. One more time and I'm making a formal complaint.

And I don't use TenaLady but I could make an exception!

I'm 35wks pregnant and haven't put any weight on (due to hyperemesis) except for my now massive, but neat, bump poking out.
Every time I'm in a coffee shop or shopping or at the school picking my son up, someone asks "are you pregnant?" with a smirk on their face. I usually answer "no, just had a big breakfast/lunch/dinner" or something but it's getting seriously irritating now!
I now avoid the school run (my mum does it for me at the moment!) and try to not have to go anywhere where there are people that might talk to me! It's been a shit pregnancy and I am ready to snap!

@Jellybeansincognito - you know, it was my birthday recently and I had a slice of cake. I felt quite good afterwards, so you may be onto something there.

Thanks for the info! Will definitely try it out.

My surname is the name of a town near to the one where I was born. I am constantly asked why. IDK!!!!!

I have severe, cholinergic urticaria. Have done for 23 years
Random people "oh yes I get a heat rash. Have you tried an antihistamine"
Me (I've taken 6 today but when you're at the point of immunosuppressive drugs, you can be damn sure I've tried popping a piriton)

On being immunocompromised "have you tried a multivitamin?"
Because that will stop me killing my neutrophils off, I'm sure

“Really!! Are you sure?? “

In response to me correcting strangers that my 3 year old is a boy not a girl.

Pretty sure.

Not tried tumeric then?

Only in cooking and herbal tisanes. I'm developing the 'Seriously, Don't Fucking Fuck With Me' look. Hence the 'Have you considered thinking happy thoughts?' questions. And not just from randoms - I've had variations of that from doctors before now. They don't last long once I've decided just how I can verbally massacre them.

Oh, that's one. Doctors.

'Have you considered that you claim to be feeling pain because you're depressed?'

If I were depressed, I'd fucking tell you. I'm not. I do, however, feel fucking shit because I have symptoms of a condition diagnosed by one of the top Rheumatologists in the fucking world and if you've nothing better to do, I'm sure the Professor would be overjoyed to have you contact them and inform them that they have got it completely wrong and everything that's wrong with me, including joint deformities, POTS, gastroparesis, tendonitis and an immune system that thinks my body is a fucking disease can be cured with a couple of Prozac and 30 minutes with a woman who did a ten week course at the local Adult Education Centre. Whilst you're at it, why not call the Registrar in Essex and inform them that my father died of being a bit sad/needing to go to an exercise class/have a bubble bath at night instead of his heart giving out due to uncontrolled inflammation leading to Cardiomyopathy instead of EXACTLY the same condition as I have been diagnosed with and am having extremely expensive treatment for?

We've had rescue Samoyeds for many years, always have 2. Don't know how many times I've been told I've got a pair of sheep on leads, ha ha. Not funny but I usually smile politely while thinking 'stupid wanker'

I’m a childminder and am often out and about with 3 kids under 3. If I had a pound for every time someone said ‘you’ve got your hands full’... or ‘are they all yours?’ 🙄

My favourite is ‘are they twins?’ about the two completely unrelated children in the double buggy. I must admit to enjoying the bemused looks when I answer ‘no, there’s five months between them’

Are you French? (My name is French, my accent is pure Yorkshire!) 😂😂

@Youhadmeathello1

Hahaha those are funny

I’m a criminal defence solicitor:
‘How can you defend people you know are guilty?’ (with an added look of disgust)
‘Well, to start with I don’t know they are guilty...

I used to sell foreign currency....several times a day i'd be counting out someones Euros for them to say 'oh it looks like monopoly money'.....no it really doesn't !!!

Every single insult about ginger hair ever . Like I've never heard it.
I'm probably cleverer than you you prejudiced pr**k with my degree and 10 million qualifications. But yes I've got red hair. Whoop de fucking do . Tell me something I don't know, Sherlock.

'How do you get anything done with them?'
'How do to you wipe?'

I have long acrylic nails. Not sure why that warrants people to ask about my bathroom antics mind

I get, ‘what’s it like being tall, and do you like it?’

Have you always been thin?, bet you can eat what you like! No I’m thin because I don’t eat what I like!

When I’m with my sister, who has a beautiful Irish name, I get asked why I got the boring name!
Rude.

“you can bank cheques on banking apps now. You just have to photograph it with your phone when directed on the app. My HSBC app does it, do I assume others do.” I thought you still have to physically submit the cheque at some point though?

Thanks I’ll see what my bank does.

@PixieRabbit thank you. “It’s bloody hard just being alive isn’t it?” Yep! Some days harder than others. I’ve a hell of a week this week for a variety of reasons.

@mitzik feel sure we’ve commiserated with each other regarding gps dismissals before. I’m heartily sick of clear physical symptoms being ignored or being attributed to mental illness (that VERY tired and WRONG cliche of women patients being dismissed as “hysterical” and “neurotic”)

@Mitzik me too along with my uncles friends cousin had that and they are fine so you should be too 🙄

Don't your children really look like you,
Well I should bloody well hope so they are mine.

Working as a housing officer for a local authority. The most common ones are 'I saw a rat' - every single person who complains about a neighbour having rubbish in their garden. 'My house is damp' no, you have condensation due to popping out child no 7 in your 3 bed flat where you dry all those clothes in a dryer with no vent with no open windows. Also, 'well I will go to the papers' okay yeah the local rag will be thrilled to post your story about your imaginary rats and condensation!