Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend's on much more money than me and it's making me worried about the future

134 replies

LalaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa909 · 16/02/2020 16:05

I'm 25 and a supply teacher so i'm basically on a zero hour contract. I do work usually at least 4 days a week and come home with a weekly income ranging from £280 to £480ish
But obviously i dont work summer holidays.
I have only been on supply since september since i only graduated this year.
My boyfriend of a year however has a well-paying job. He's 24 and on £60,000 a year. I wont say his job as to not give too much away.
He wants to get a mortgage in the next year or so and would like me to move in with him but i dont know how mortgages work with such different salaries.
I feel so much anxiety that im never going to be able to afford to move out of parents :(
Teaching is so competitive to get jobs in but of course i'll be trying but not guaranteed so may be another year of supply.
He says he doesnt mind the mortgage being in his name and i pay bills but i just dont know!
Aibu to be worried???

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 17/02/2020 14:40

At this stage you should be thinking seriously about moving to where the work is.

Absolutely.

OP-this is the best advice you have got.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 17/02/2020 15:03

Aibu to be worried?

YANBU to be worried. The problem is not so much that you have very different earnings, it's that you are in such different career places at a young age. He has been lucky and had an early boost. He isn't going to give that up and you would be unreasonable to ask him to put it at risk by moving for your sake. You're not at that stage of the relationship.

On the other hand you have't had that boost, your career hasn't take off yet, and if you want to get going you can't afford to be tied down.

If you stay for him (or move in to his house. same thing really) you are sacrificing your career while he's not sacrificing anything. And he shouldn't make sacrifices for a fledgling relationship, and you shouldn't either. I don't think there is any blame on either side, it's just bad timing.

Widen your job search, and if the relationship is meant to be it will be, even if you have to move away for a while. Otherwise you'll have no career and maybe no relationship in a year or two anyway.

WeddingObsessed · 17/02/2020 15:15

I didn't really start my 'proper' career until age 26 and was not earning enough for a mortgage until age 31. Other friends my age (I'm 33 now) are not there yet. I don't think you should be worrying. You are in a better position financially paying bills on a house you don't own until you can afford to contribute to the mortgage. You could continue the same arrangement at that point and buy your own flat to rent out. Or he could sell and you could buy somewhere together. Or you could change the mortgage to a joint one. Your current financial situation should not be a barrier to him buying a house.

MotherofKitties · 17/02/2020 16:15

I haven't read the whole thread, but this resonated with me so wanted to respond.

If you both see a future together (marriage, kids etc) it shouldn't matter if one of you earns more than the other. You can get a joint mortgage. My now DH and I did before we were married with him earning a lot more than I did, and it wasn't an issue as we knew we would get married at some point and have a family together. Basically we knew we were in it for the long haul so it didn't matter.

If your boyfriend is suggesting he simply buys a house himself and you pay towards bills etc and you're happy with that, then that's fine. If you're wanting to get a mortgage together wi TY both of your names on the house (regardless of how much you earn), and he's saying no, 'I want the mortgage in my name only and you to chip in', and you're not happy with that, then that should be a massive red flag for you in terms of how committed he is to you and your relationship.

Personally, from experience I wouldn't go down the 'paying lodger' route. My ex boyfriend always said to me that because he made so much more money than me he would buy a house himself and I'd have to pay 'rent'; it wasn't a consideration for him to buy a house together. Whilst at the time I didn't consider buying a house with him because our relationship was in such a dire state anyway, it only highlighted to me that he didn't see me as equal to him because I didn't make as much money as he did, even though I always paid 50/50 towards the rent and all the bills.

If you're not happy with what he's suggesting have a frank and open conversation about it, and if you're still not happy, follow your gut instinct.

Yowande112 · 17/02/2020 16:41

Thanks for the relocation suggestions, but I won't be relocating anywhere too far, just sticking to the 20 miles; this is just my personal preference and i may be sticking with supply and doing my masters for the next year;
I do like supply and i've made good money from it so im not stressed in those terms,
It's similar to being self-employed

But life will work out how it should, thanks for your advice :)

Yowande112 · 17/02/2020 16:42

Sorry changed my username for another forum

user68901 · 17/02/2020 17:45

Bloody hell if it was me buying a house I wouldn’t be putting someone I’d known for a year and never lived with on the mortgage. I’d want my purchase protected unless we actually got married or had children.
Just let him buy the property. Carry on living with your parents but stay with him when he’s not travelling. Contribute to some food and heating bills which is only fair as you are benefiting. His salary and his home ownership should be irrelevant to your relationship and your current working situation .If you decided to get married then you can go on the mortgage as joint tenants meaning that if anything where to happen to you or him, the other would inherit the house automatically. This can be arranged regardless of your income and is normal Set up for married couples.

Purpletigers · 17/02/2020 18:06

Let him buy a house , stay with your parents , move in with him when you’ve been together a few years or when you get married . Save as much as you can in the meantime .

DreemOn · 17/02/2020 18:36

You've only been dating a year. I'd suggest he buys a house and you pay some 'rent' and split bills. Let the money you pay as 'rent' sit in an account that you can later utilise for adding yourself to the mortgage and for a part of the deposit. Or something like that.

What you really just do Is sit down and talk about what you both want - write down what you both want and agree to a plan. If you have only been dating a year you both need to be cautious.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread