Boyfriend's on much more money than me and it's making me worried about the future

[LalaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa909]

I'm 25 and a supply teacher so i'm basically on a zero hour contract. I do work usually at least 4 days a week and come home with a weekly income ranging from £280 to £480ish
But obviously i dont work summer holidays.
I have only been on supply since september since i only graduated this year.
My boyfriend of a year however has a well-paying job. He's 24 and on £60,000 a year. I wont say his job as to not give too much away.
He wants to get a mortgage in the next year or so and would like me to move in with him but i dont know how mortgages work with such different salaries.
I feel so much anxiety that im never going to be able to afford to move out of parents :(
Teaching is so competitive to get jobs in but of course i'll be trying but not guaranteed so may be another year of supply.
He says he doesnt mind the mortgage being in his name and i pay bills but i just dont know!
Aibu to be worried???

I met my wife on an internet dating site. I was worried about meeting her as she was a high paid senior university lecturer and I was in a low paid job. We enjoyed our first date, fell in love, I moved into her house, got engaged, got married. Money becameto be less important than love and being together. We have now been married for 16 years.

@BeardieWeirdie I'm from a predominantly English speaking area of wales,
I am Welsh but dont speak Welsh so I know the ins and outs of welsh-language in schools,
The part i'm from, a lot of teachers dont speak welsh unless they are in a welsh-medium school

@MinnieMountain thanks for understanding, it's not easy getting a job in this area

correct me if I'm wrong, but the mortgage is a separate conversation to the deeds.

you don't have to be on the mortgage but can still be named on the deeds?

@Di11y

No, except for in very limited circumstances (and at hugely inflated rates) the names on the mortgage must exactly match those on the deeds.

If you think about it from the perspective of the lender, if the person named on the mortgage defaults, the lender needs to be able to repossess the property.

If there is another person on the deeds (who is not on the mortgage) then this becomes a much more difficult exercise for the lender - the other 'owner' could stand in the way of the repossession.

Citizens Advice provides excellent, free legal advice (or any teaching union that you may be a member of). As someone mentioned above, you can purchase the property as tenants in common and own the property based on the amount you have supplied towards the purchase, but please get this verified by Citizens Advice as the law is constantly subject to change.

No, the CAB doesn't offer any legal advice - they're not insured to do so.

They can signpost you to a local solicitor who might be able to help you, but you would need to pay for this.

Have you tried looking for teacher jobs in the Wirral area - Bromborough, Bebington, Birkenhead etc... Not too far from Flintshire area.

I know how hard it is to get a job in the area, TA jobs are like goldust also now.

I haven't earned a wage since I met my now husband, and it's been 12 years, so yes, of course relationships work with such differing income. Obviously only go in to something that you're completely happy with doing though.

Worked for me. We have different salaries (still do).

Why would you seek legal advice to live with a boyfriend at 25?!

Just live with him rent free, pay some share of bills and it doesn't work out you are free to walk.

My sister did it for a year in early 20s.
Paid a pittance for her share of bills to live in a nice house and saved a load of money through living rent free for a year.

Why the rush? Does he have to move out of his current living situation. If you're both committed to a long term relationship then why not wait to see if you get a permanent job for September? It's only a few months away and could alter your location and budget for buying? If he wants to go ahead and buy urgently now of course that's his decision, but I wouldn't be happy long term living in a house someone else chose I held no financial interest in

Loads of teaching jobs about...I’ve never had to work supply. Is it the area you live in maybe? Is there a close city by that you could commute to?

I think the bills should be 50/50 if you're not on the deeds.

Yes, if he takes out the mortgage and you agree he should have 100% ownership, agree that “you should each pay half of the bills. Otherwise you are subsidising him gaining an asset.”

It would be best for your career to relocate to somewhere with more jobs. While still keeping an eye on jobs where you’d like to live, and applying for any that come up. Almost all men of your age take decisions that are best for their careers.

I don’t see a problem. You’ve only been together a year, it would be madness to buy a house together. You currently live with your parents, who presumably you pay some rent/bills to, but don’t own a share of their property.

If you move into your boyfriends house, where you pay some rent/bills to him, how are you any worse off?

You’d have left your parents house, you’d be living with your boyfriend, and you could make a plan to start saving as soon as you have a permanent job.

If the relationship doesn’t work, you can walk away easily without being tied to a mortgage. If the relationship works, in a couple of years you’ll be ready to buy together, using equity from his house, and some of your savings.

I’d let him buy a property, and move in with him. Make another plan before you have children, but for now, I don’t see a problem at all with living in a property that he owns. You’re already in that situation with your parents.

Just to be clear, I’d split bills 50/50. You shouldn’t be paying all bills because he’s paying the mortgage!

Lots of women make serious errors of judgement and end up financially disadvantaged with unequal incomes, no incomes, small or no pensions and when it goes wrong they are left holding the baby. This is what posters are worrying about and why they are suggesting you are on the mortgage.

It’s early days and you are young, just don’t have dc, try living together and then if it’s long term make sure you marry before you have dc.

Of course if you have a mortgage and your relationship fails you are still liable until it’s decided between yourselves and the provider how to proceed. People assume housing will always be an asset but it’s also a liability, just try living together first.

OP I am a 35 year old teacher who thinks you’ve had some great advice here. I’ll just add this:

I graduated at your age and like you, struggled to find work in my home city here in Australia. I decided that having financial security after four years of uni-induced poverty was a major priority... so I would take a job, wherever it was.

More importantly - and perhaps you’re the same - I felt a desperate need to ‘get in’ to the classroom. I wanted to REALLY learn the ropes of teaching: running a classroom, being part of a team, developing relationships with students,
working with parents, and learning from experienced mentors. (That last one is a BIG one).

This is stuff that you’re not going to get doing supply work.

So I moved 200 miles to a job in a country town despite having a boyfriend back home.

It was extremely challenging for a whole litany of reasons. However, it absolutely made me as a teacher. The skills I developed there put me in good stead to apply for better positions back home after two years; I had a stack of money, with two incredible month-long trips to Nepal and India under my belt, and a strong sense of my career goals. I knew how to teach and had the opportunity to take on leadership positions as a graduate- a real cut above what city grads could do.

Oh, and I dropped the boyfriend who I’d started with (which was a great decision!).

I say all this as it sounds to me like your sense of ‘career crisis’ is affecting your decision about living arrangements with your bf.

You need to sit down and think about what YOU want for your career. If you decide that getting into a full time position is important - as it was for me- you may need to move.

And that is okay...because your 20s is absolutely the time to explore, travel and develop your professional identity. Other teachers I worked with who had varied backgrounds of teaching in different areas were generally much stronger teachers than the locals who refused to move outside of the city limits. You don’t want a narrow world view / life experience in a job like that.

Hard-to-staff schools where jobs will be available are going to have the most challenging kids- but they are what will make you a great teacher and contributor to your national community

I say crack on with job applications.... take a risk and have an adventure!

For the love of God do NOT be locked into a mortgage with a man at your age.

Sort out your career stuff and stay independent. There’s plenty of time for the grown up mortgage/serious relationship stuff once you’re thirty!

Good luck OP!

I don’t see a problem. You’ve only been together a year, it would be madness to buy a house together. You currently live with your parents, who presumably you pay some rent/bills to, but don’t own a share of their property

If you move into your boyfriends house, where you pay some rent/bills to him, how are you any worse off?

No, no, no!!!! The difference is, they’re her parents, they love her and are very unlikely to kick her out.
If she moves in with him and pays all the bills, or rent, she’s paying towards an asset she gets nothing from. You may think, well that’s no different from renting, except it absolutely is, because with renting you get legal protection. A landlord can’t just turn up and kick you out one morning, but in the situation above, he absolutely could. She gets no protection what so ever, so no, she shouldn’t pay any rent, because he’s not giving her a rental contract. She should only pay HALF of the bills.

Im from North Wales

Ah yes. I'm from Wales, and Primary teaching jobs can be desperately difficult to get. It is a very different situation to England.

You just have to keep plugging away. Most people get a job eventually. Although, increasingly, schools are only offering temp contracts.

A year? Bloody hell, what’s the rush?

If you flipped this, you’d be told you need your head examining to even consider this.

I think astrogirl is right. Your post worried me mostly because by moving in with him you are severely limiting your career options at a critical stage, all for the sake of living with a man who has no long term commitment to you, and who you don't have a long-term commitment to either. For me it's not so much about co-owning or not, you're not at the co-owning stage of a relationship and if your own teaching career was forging ahead then then you living cheaply in his house with no commitment either way could be fine. But it isn't. At this stage you should be thinking seriously about moving to where the work is. If you move in with him then two years from now you will still be a supply teacher and either the relationship will be coming to an end or you will be financially dependent on him. Don't sacrifice your future career prospects to this very early relationship.

@AngelsSins I clearly said she should only pay half of the bills. Whether it’s called “rent” or “bills” the point is she is fine to be paying a bit to live somewhere, even if she’s not named on the mortgage. She’s in exactly the same position. If he kicked her out, she’d go back to her parents, which is where she is now. No difference

I clearly said she should only pay half of the bills. Whether it’s called “rent” or “bills” the point is she is fine to be paying a bit to live somewhere, even if she’s not named on the mortgage. She’s in exactly the same position. If he kicked her out, she’d go back to her parents, which is where she is now. No difference

Sorry I didn’t see your second post until after my post, but whilst it wasn’t directed at you exactly, I did want to highlight what the difference is between living in a partners house and renting.

Well said Amaryllis. The aspiration level being pitched here is pitiful.

The OP should be planning her career and financial independence, so she can afford a home of her own. Not trailing her boyfriend of one years aspiration.

The solution to insecure low paid work is to look for secure well paid work. She is qualified in a field were this is entirely possible to find.

If they were actually a partnership or couple this would be a joint aspiration. If he isn’t willing to consider a move that would allow them both to have good jobs and to be secure, then he isn’t worth it.