Discussing suicide

[ICriedARiverOverYou]

Not AIBU, just not sure where to put this. As it appears to be so topical this weekend, can I ask that you think about language when discussing suicide.

Committed suggests crime and completed suggests success. Please don't use 'killed themselves'.

As someone who has been bereaved by suicide, the preferred term is 'died by suicide'.

tel:116-123 (Samaritans) for anyone who is struggling.

I work in the suicide prevention sector and extensive research has show that the phrases ‘died by suicide’ or ‘took their own life’ are had the highest acceptability scores (research informed by survivors of suicide and bereaved individuals). That’s why these are used by organisations/the media much of the time (if they are following guidelines).

However, it’s obviously a hugely personal and emotional issue and so individuals should be ‘allowed’ to use language that feels appropriate for them (bearing in mind that language can be triggering for other people struggling).

Completed suicide makes it sound like something we should all be doing

To be honest if I spoke to someone who had lost someone to suicide, I would be focusing on sympathising with and consoling that person not vetting whether they were using appropriate language.

My post was aimed at the many people posting on here today, not about having meaningful conversations with the bereaved.

@Bluntness100 I was hospitalised after taking an overdose of pills at 14. I attended an all girls secondary school which was run by Catholic nuns. They supported me so much and offered counselling. My mum will deny the 2 weeks i spent in hospital.

I've lost 2 people close to me by suicide. I use several terms (killed themselves, took their own lives etc). I don't really like like "died by suicide". You can use that term if you prefer it. I'll decide how to describe the deaths of my loved ones.

the Royal college of psychiatrists ask people not to say committed for exactly the reasons in the OP.

This seems very inappropriate. You cannot force your language on others. Others will choose to word it as they feel appropriate. Its more insensitive to try to frame someone's speech to what you do or don't accept.

I say this as someone bereaved by suicide.

Died by suicide isn't my preferred term op.

Can I ask that you don't speak for everyone when you make silly claims?

My post was aimed at the many people posting on here today, not about having meaningful conversations with the bereaved.

You have no right to tell people on a chat forum which words you want them to use.

Many MNetters will have been deeply affected by suicide and it's a very personal thing.

I don’t understand the now aversion to the word ‘commited’ The definition it’s self is not criminal it is a commitment to be involved in something.
I have lost several family members and I most certainly see that they felt they had made this ‘commitment’ as all other options where to hard/painful etc and that they knew of no other way to stop that pain in that moment.
I now work where suicide is a daily thing and agree that what ever term/word is used is right for that individual and should be respected.

If someone you know in real life describes suicide with a term that you don't like then you are well within your rights to ask that say died by suicide or whichever term you prefer. However, you can't really police what people say on an internet forum. Everyone has their own preferences.

I have no issue with saying my brother killed himself or took his own life. Died by suicide sounds a bit flowery, for me personally.

Died by suicide sounds awful to me. And just shows different things mean different things to different people.
Much prefer the term took their own life.
We can’t always be right all the time

My post was aimed at the many people posting on here today, not about having meaningful conversations with the bereaved

That doesn't work. Many of us posting here have very significant experiences of suicide and its consequences, including many bereavements. You don't get to decide for us all.

but what you find appropriate to say, others may not. Although I don’t really think the terminology is the real issue

when I was a local reporter having to cover inquests we always as a paper strictly followed the Samaritans guidelines for reporting on suicide. Saying ‘committed suicide” was advised against because it is no longer a crime. While I would never tell someone else what words to use it is advice I try to follow in real life when discussing the subject. Having lost a close family member to suicide it’s a subject I’m sensitive about generally I suppose and do think language matters.

I agree 'committed' is outdated and carries the connotations of a crime. I find it's more often used by people of older generations where suicide and mental health were a lot more taboo in their youth.

However I don't see 'killed themselves' or 'took his/her life' as an issue, it's what happened. The same way someone with a debilitating physical illness may choose to end their own life, a person with mental illness has taken the same action.

I would say that they " took their own life"

I'm afraid I agree with pp, I'm truly sorry for your loss however it really is not ok to police other peoples language .

I would not appreciate died by suicide about my family member and professionally I've dealt with suicide a lot and everyone uses the terminology that suits them.

In bereavement of any kind it is never ever ok to police peoples responses or ways of dealing with it , unless it is outright offensive or hate speech.

I wouldn't choose to use the word commit either however I do recognise I will choose the word that the bereaved person wishes me to.

Everyone deals with things in very very different ways , that should be respected.

I say my husband took his own life generally. Sometimes I am blunter and say he killed himself. Personally I don't like to say committed suicide and died by suicide is just awkward to say. I will use whatever term feels right to me, I've got enough to deal with without having my words policed thanks.

My MH nurse uses that I try repeatedly to kill myself

I heard the newsreader on Radio 2 today say that CF killed herself yesterday. I must admit, although it’s a phrase I would use personally I was pretty taken aback to hear it said on the news. I expected them to say committed suicide or took her own life.

Very well put @seren85 I hope you are doing OK x

I hate the linguistic/semantic poncing around surrounding death. So-and-so "passed", or having to prefix "died" with "sadly" or "unfortunately", simply for appearances. But I'm probably in the minority and if I really thought it would make a difference to a bereaved person I would adjust my language accordingly.