Discussing suicide

[ICriedARiverOverYou]

Not AIBU, just not sure where to put this. As it appears to be so topical this weekend, can I ask that you think about language when discussing suicide.

Committed suggests crime and completed suggests success. Please don't use 'killed themselves'.

As someone who has been bereaved by suicide, the preferred term is 'died by suicide'.

tel:116-123 (Samaritans) for anyone who is struggling.

As someone who deals with despondent and suicidal people an awful lot, "completed" is an accepted and recognised word when discussing suicide with first responders.

I say my brother killed himself. This also includes the possibility that it was accidental which makes it easier for our parents to think about. What others want to say is up to them.

I think this particular way of dying affects people so personally and profoundly that imo there can't be a "preffered" terminology because while you or someone else may think that's the best or most respectable way to describe it someone else may be upset at that.

Iv lost family and friends to suicide and have had other family and friends (and myself) attempt it so i do know the unique pain it creates.

I'm sorry you have experienced this too and I don't want to take that term away from you if it is the description that hurts you least. For me I don't like that term at all but that's I suppose exactly what I mean in the first part of my post.

I think the important thing is that people talk about it and conversations are normalised to hopefully help people seek help before they reach such a low point.

When talking to someone of course their preferred language should be used where possible but you shouldn’t dictate to others what their preference should be.

There's nothing flowery about suicide. It's pointless trying to sanitise the language around it. Being mindful of the feelings of others is fine, but factually it does involve someone killing themself. I've both known people die this way and tried it seriously several times myself. I'm never free of the issue. To be honest though, phrases like 'committing suicide' would be way, way down my list of concerns in getting people talking about and more aware of suicide and its impact.

I'd just say died, I don't like all the passed away euphemisms. They died. People talk of being sorry about somebody's passing but I think they should say death not passing.

It's about showing respect for the person who has died.

My family member did not commit a crime, or achieve a goal, nor did they inflict this upon themselves. They died from a mental, rather than a physical illness.

When talking to someone of course their preferred language should be used where possible but you shouldn’t dictate to others what their preference should be.

This ^^

You'll never find a 'preferred term' that suits everyone.

The most important thing is that people actually open up and talk about it if they've been affected by suicide.

Please be wary of possibly making people feel uncomfortable doing that.

I attempted suicide myself once (some years ago), and my daughter, who has a significant mental health problem, has attempted it a number of times (though is currently well). I have no objection to "commit suicide", or"kill oneself". I'll accept "die by suicide" or "complete suicide" but absolutely loathe the term " take one's own life" in exactly the way I loathe the term "pass away". I can't explain it but it's so flowery and mealy-mouthed.

Intent isn't impact.

You may not intend for your use of the phrase "commit suicide" to be hurtful and stigmatising - both to those bereaved and those struggling with suicidal feelings - but if you are told that is the impact of your language why would you not then reflect and alter it?

I tried to commit suicide and that's how I call it. If you don't like it then I'm sorry for your feelings but I was the one going through it and I don't like your policing of words.

I agree let’s not say committed suicide, because it’s not a crime. But beyond that we can feel comfortable with different terms.

This is very tricky, as it must be one of the most painful experiences that anyone can go through to have a loved one take their own life. So feelings will be running high, so a choice of words can cause a response in someone who is grieving , and they react in a way that they wouldn't react to in other circumstances.

I remember that when my FIL died in a car accident, my DH reacted strongly when I was telling family members what had happened; I said that his dad had been 'killed in a car accident', and he found it a very hard expression to hear.

It's the pain that's talking, so if someone reacts angrily at a time of intense grief, it shouldn't be taken personally, but also take on board what they're saying and don't use terms that they've told you they find upsetting. (If you're the one who's coping with the loss, then you should feel free to use the terms that you want to use, of course.)

I also think this causes strong feelings because of the fact that committing suicide used to be seen as a criminal act, but more so, I think, because the RC church used to see it as a mortal sin and it led to people not being buried in concentrated ground if they had taken their own life.

This was so wrong, because no one commits suicide apart from when under extreme distress and, mostly, when they're not in their right mind , (apart from when a very ill person wants to die with dignity when terminally ill).

I have been bereaved by suicide, the term 'killed himself' is fine by me. It accurately describes what happened.

I am choosing my own death as I have a progressive muscle wasting disease and I am choosing to die, it is my choice.

I also dislike 'committed suicide' as it has the implication of 'committing a crime'.

I will ask my friends to say that I chose to die after my death.

Suicide is a sin in some religions, for example Roman Catholic, it comes under the commandment, thou must not kill. So "to commit" is not just about when it was a crime, it is also for some religious peopls in relation to a religious belief, of committing a sin.

I also think people who are impacted have the right to choose the words they feel are right. These words will differ for everyone. Based on many things, from their generation to their religion.

The important thing is the intent, sentiment and sensitivity behind those words.

but if you are told that is the impact of your language why would you not then reflect and alter it?

Perhaps because others who own the issue equally, and are just as affected by it, disagree and feel differently? Obviously not everyone can modify for everyone here, it's way too complicated and personal a thing. The euphemisms piss me off way more than the starker terms do.

A close friend of mine who lost her husband to suicide prefers the term 'took his own life' just for reference.

My husband killed himself.

Hth

"My family member did not commit a crime, or achieve a goal, nor did they inflict this upon themselves. They died from a mental, rather than a physical illness."

Stating it like this, I have to agree.

My own sister committed suicide - this is the correct term to use as she committed adj. "committed to a course of action" suicide n. "Deliberately killed themselves". Personally I think the OP is being overly sensitive. Suicide is a decriminalised act. Objecting to the word "committed" is using the word in an incorrect manner ie associating it with the word crime, which it has nothing to do with.

Stop trying to vet my language. If I want to say killed themselves I bloody well will.

I say tried to kill myself,

To be honest if I spoke to someone who had lost someone to suicide, I would be focusing on sympathising with and consoling that person not vetting whether they were using appropriate language.

Isn’t this one of those things where you take the lead from the bereaved. Generally no need to discuss cause of death though surely and passed away/passed over/ died is enough.