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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this a worrying amount to drink?

101 replies

RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:04

DH and I went out for dinner last night. Over the course of the evening I estimate he had around 5 or so pints and a large glass of wine. I went to bed when we got home and he stayed up. This morning I find he had sat and drank 3 cans of beer and almost an entire bottle of wine after i went to bed.
AIBU or is that a ridiculous amount to drink after a night out??

This is something of a pattern with him and I think it’s symptomatic of an issue with alcohol - he denies it. The worst of it is that he drove this morning before I realised he had carried on his own party at home. I’d never have got in the car if I’d had any idea just how much he’d sunk.

OP posts:
Shahlalala · 16/02/2020 13:08

How regularly does he do this?
That is far too much and driving the next day is unbelievable, he could kill someone.

Skysblue · 16/02/2020 13:09

That is a ridiculous amount and not normal. If he’s staying up drinking that amount alone when already drank that much then he has some kind of alcohol problem.

Getting him to admit / deal with it will be a nightmare tho. I’m very sorry. Good luck.

ConsiderTheCentre · 16/02/2020 13:10

It’s a fair night of drinking, but not unheard of.

He shouldn’t have driven this morning though, that was foolish.

chinateapot · 16/02/2020 13:14

That is a really concerning amount of drinking. Would also be concerned about him carrying on alone. Hope all ok.

AlwaysCheddar · 16/02/2020 13:16

Drink driving ..... I’d be furious. He’s over the limit this morning I bet.

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:17

I’m always saying to him that I feel like once he starts drinking he doesn’t know when to stop. I think last night just proves my point.

OP posts:
JRUIN · 16/02/2020 13:18

I don't think that's a worrying amount of booze over the course of an evening, especially as he was dining too. He shouldn't have driven this morning though.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 16/02/2020 13:18

Of course he denies a problem. Because it's not a problem, for him. It could be years before it becomes a problem for him.

My husband's drinking has been a problem for me for about 11 years. It's only in the last year or so become a problem for him.

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:24

JRUIN did you miss the part where he drank pretty much an entire bottle of wine ( an inch left in the bottom) and 3 cans at home alone after the dinner out?!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 16/02/2020 13:24

He is a problem drinker.
He denies it.
So he won’t change.
Your only choice is to choose how you react. I couldn’t be with a drunk. Let alone a drunk driver.

AlwaysCheddar · 16/02/2020 13:25

He shouldn’t have driven until about 5pm today. He’s got a problem.

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 16/02/2020 13:26

Does he get aggressive or depressed when drinking?
Does he do it regularly?

If no then he's not got a problem and it can be really damaging to try and label alcoholism on someone who isn't suffering it.

FrogsFrogs · 16/02/2020 13:26

Well it's a lot but if it's occasional and he's not driving in the morning then. Well depends on the sort of people you know, my group are quite heavy drinkers and on a longer session some would put that away no probs.

FrogsFrogs · 16/02/2020 13:27

Oh had missed he'd driven

That is totally out of order

Did you ask him why he thought driving was ok

BlueHarry · 16/02/2020 13:28

If this was a one off I wouldn't think too much of it but as you say it's part of a pattern then it does sound worrying. And either way the driving was definitely wrong.

Chista · 16/02/2020 13:29

I don't think it's a ridiculous amount to drink on a night out but you said it was a pattern, that makes it worrying and also driving - two big flags there

RightSwipe · 16/02/2020 13:30

People have very different ideas about what is a problematic (or not) amount of alcohol to drink. I’m pretty relaxed about it and will admit that DH and I can put away a fair amount on a night out. Easily a bottle of wine each of we are in the mood, and then maybe a short/nightcap.

The concerning thing here, though, is that after drinking a fair amount on an evening out with you, he’s stayed up drinking heavily alone. That to me says alcohol issues.

RightSwipe · 16/02/2020 13:30

And the driving is really really dangerous!

Mintjulia · 16/02/2020 13:32

So 10 units of wine, and at least 13 of beer.

Processing 1 unit an hour, and assuming he started at 7pm yesterday, he should be about fit to drive at 4pm this afternoon, give or take an hour.

You aren’t being unreasonable. If he relies on his driving licence to work, he’s an idiot.

Wolfiefan · 16/02/2020 13:36

@IanSomerhalderIsAGod not true. He doesn’t have to punch the OP when drunk to have a problem. He clearly has a high tolerance for alcohol. Very likely that’s due to habitually drinking more than Is healthy.
Over 20 units of alcohol is not a healthy amount to drink. And OP says it’s a pattern. And he drove after drinking that much.
He has a problem.

Bluetrews25 · 16/02/2020 13:39

Five pints, glass of wine, three cans of beer, and most of a bottle of wine. In one night. And that's just the stuff you know about.
When you were out, did he go to get any drinks at the bar and down one quickly before you could see it? Did he go to the gents and have a swift glass of something at the bar on the way?
PPs are correct in that you cannot change this, you can only decide what you are going to do. Are you going to stick around and count the units you can spot, or are you going to get away and leave him to it?

glenhaggis · 16/02/2020 13:41

That's way too many units and he was bound to be over the limit. I'd be telling him I'd report him to the police if he does it again. Next time he could kill somebody.

JRUIN · 16/02/2020 13:42

JRUIN did you miss the part where he drank pretty much an entire bottle of wine ( an inch left in the bottom) and 3 cans at home alone after the dinner out?!

Nope. He wanted to make a night of it, which is fair enough in my eyes. As long as he can hold his drink well and it's not happening more than say 3 or 4 times a month I would not have a problem with it.

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:44

No he didn’t sneak any drinks last night while we were out.
However, once when we were staying at a hotel we went to the bar for a pre-dinner drink. The barman asked DH if he wanted the same again? It turns out that when he’d gone to get our bags from the car he’d stopped for a drink in the bar. He hadn’t mentioned this to me and when I asked why and told him it was weird, he said that he hadn’t mentioned it precisely because it was so “not weird” that it hadn’t occurred to him as something to tell me.

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 16/02/2020 13:52

Yes. It's a great deal to drink. If he can stand up without falling over after all that, then he must a very high tolerance for alcohol. Which is a big concern in itself. As is stopping for a quick drink while fetching bags from your car. That isn't normal drinking.

He didn't drive you home, did he? That would be a MAJOR red flag.