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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this a worrying amount to drink?

101 replies

RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:04

DH and I went out for dinner last night. Over the course of the evening I estimate he had around 5 or so pints and a large glass of wine. I went to bed when we got home and he stayed up. This morning I find he had sat and drank 3 cans of beer and almost an entire bottle of wine after i went to bed.
AIBU or is that a ridiculous amount to drink after a night out??

This is something of a pattern with him and I think it’s symptomatic of an issue with alcohol - he denies it. The worst of it is that he drove this morning before I realised he had carried on his own party at home. I’d never have got in the car if I’d had any idea just how much he’d sunk.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 13:55

No he didn’t drive last night. He drove me to an appointment this morning with our kids in the car. I’d never have got in the car if I’d had any idea he’d sat at home and carried on drinking so much, much less let him drive our kids.

OP posts:
Likefootball · 16/02/2020 14:02

I wonder how he managed to do it.
To drink 5 pints and then come home and have 3 cans plus wine is just crazy, I know I couldn't.
I can only assume that he has done this regularly and so his body has developed a tolerance I.e. he needs more alcohol to have any effect.
He needs to get help to cut down and he certainly shouldn't have drove.

TheDarkPassenger · 16/02/2020 14:11

This sounds like my dp when he had alcohol issues. He had to come to his own realisation though, and he did. Thank fuck. Was an awful time

TheDarkPassenger · 16/02/2020 14:12

Oh sorry- mine never drove though. That’s shitty and a complete choice he made

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 14:18

My “D”H does not think he has done anything wrong and it’s me who is the “arsehole” and disgusting one not him apparently. I don’t get to control him and am being completely ridiculous to think he was still over the limit at 10am this morning.

OP posts:
Heymacarana · 16/02/2020 14:19

He shouldn’t have driven this morning.

Nothing else concerns me. Most of my mates would drink that on a night out and regularly after a night out getting a few more drinks if the other wants to retire earlier is common for either me or the Mrs.

Sitting up with a drink watching TV on a weekend if you aren’t ready for bed isn’t exactly concerning behaviour.

Getting a drink from the hotel bar and a few minutes downtime? Why is that an issue?

Heymacarana · 16/02/2020 14:20

Also, depending on his size, what he ate, metabolism etc he might not have been over the limit this morning. Wasn’t really worth risking it though.

MickCarter · 16/02/2020 14:24

I feel a bit hungover just reading that. How often does he drink to that extent? Does he function well the next day or is he grumpy and complaining or something? Does he pull his weight the next day or just sleep it off?

Reading it and being outside of the situation I would say I would leave because he drank to excess, drive you and the kids and gave no thought to anyone’s safety but obviously that’s easier said than done:

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 14:28

He drank almost an entire bottle of wine and 3 cans of beer from midnight last night - I’d say it’s extremely unlikely ( especially considering he was topping up from already having had quite a bit to drink) that he was safe to drive at 10am.

It’s not the fact that he had a drink at the hotel but the fact he tried to hide it that was a concern. He went off to get our bags and was ages. When he came back he was saying what a long walk to the car it was. Surely if he had stopped for a drink and didn’t think it was wrong he’d have mentioned it? We’d already shared a bottle of champagne and were due to go for dinner 2 hours later. He couldn’t handle the idea of the wait for more booze so had to sneak more in.

As I’ve said this is a regular occurrence and he tells me it’s “normal” and that I’m just boring. But he is the only person I know who will order another glass of wine because he “only” has a quarter of a glass left and there’s still 10 minutes until our taxi arrives.

OP posts:
Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 14:30

He went back to bed after dropping me off and left the kids watching tv. He’s only just got up again. He is clearly hungover but not to the extent you’d expect after that amount of alcohol. I’d be throwing up and unable to function.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 16/02/2020 14:30

You know it isn’t normal. The question is what are you going to do? You can’t make him stop.

Bluewavescrashing · 16/02/2020 14:34

This is not normal. He wasn't just having a drink before bed, he had loads. You need to talk to him OP.

Ginfordinner · 16/02/2020 14:39

I don't think that's a worrying amount of booze over the course of an evening, especially as he was dining too

It is at least 24 units of alcohol. There is no way that this isn’t concerning Hmm
It might be a “normal” night out for you JRUIN and Heymacarana, but that is a huge amount of alcohol. I find it concerning that you both think it is OK.

It is also concerning that this is a regular thing. Do you drive RainRainGoAway2020?

Heymacarana · 16/02/2020 14:41

Thousands and thousands of people will have had that much to drink if not more yesterday.

I was out in a group of 14 and we all did for a start.

TaniaArse · 16/02/2020 14:42

Yes, that's an enormous amount Shock

beckywiththeshithair33 · 16/02/2020 14:43

If he drinks this amount regularly then yes it's a problem. But as a one off I wouldn't be so quick to throw around the term problem drinker. I used to binge drink A LOT. It's not big or clever or good for you but sometimes when you've had a few and are feeling good you want to continue. I've had many nights out where two bottles of wine, shots and so on have been consumed over the course of a long night out. It is undoubtedly a lot of alcohol to sink in one night and he was daft to drive as he definitely would have been over the limit but if it's just a one off it wouldn't bother me personally

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 14:45

I do drive. I had an appointment ten mins from home and would usually walk. DH drove me and dropped me at the door because it was pouring down. It’s not a place I’d have driven myself to since parking would have meant a longer walk than if I’d just walked from home. Which obviously I’d have done if I’d known he was likely still drunk.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 16/02/2020 14:46

But that doesn't make it OK Heymacarana Hmm Normalising heavy drinking/taking drugs never makes it OK. It just makes it more of a problem.

I drink. I enjoy wine and a few G & Ts, so I am not a holier than though teetotaler, but that is most definitely excessive drinking, and if you don't think it is you are in denial.

Original poster
RainRainGoAway2020 · 16/02/2020 14:47

But to those who keep saying it’s ok as a “one off” and they drink that much on a night out don’t seem to be reading my posts? It is not a one off and most of his consumption happened sat alone after the night out was over. That’s the concerning part. He wasn’t enjoying the atmosphere he was sitting alone and drinking a massive amount. Because once he starts he cannot stop.
Most people would come home and fall asleep surely?

OP posts:
beckywiththeshithair33 · 16/02/2020 14:51

@RainRainGoAway2020 you seem to have decided that this isn't normal behaviour so why are you asking others? You know him and the situation best. If it feels wrong then it probably is. After a night out like a meal or whatever my dp and I will often come home and have a nightcap or two together. The fact that he chose to stay up alone sinking more booze and that he does this regularly probably does indicate an issue. Talk to him...

RightSwipe · 16/02/2020 14:54
  1. Lying about pre-loading his drinks at the hotel bar
  2. Drinking to excess alone after a night out that involved heavy drinking (which might have been ok as an occasional indulgence, but doesn’t seem to be the case as you said, OP)
  3. Driving when very likely over the limit
  4. Minimising the issues and risks around his drinking

All point to an alcohol issue

RightSwipe · 16/02/2020 14:55

And as previously stated I’m a boozer at times and even I can see this isn’t right

namechange8765455 · 16/02/2020 14:57

This organisation www.al-anonuk.org.uk/who-is-it-for/ is a good place to get yourself some support.

He won't change the out of control behaviour until he wants to, hence offering you some support for you and your children in the meantime. Flowers

Nat6999 · 16/02/2020 14:58

That is a minimum of 24 units of alcohol,a whole weeks allowance in the space of a few hours. How much does he have the rest of the week? That amount will take 24 hours to get out of his system, I hope he isn't driving today.

Straycatstrut · 16/02/2020 14:59

To have got to that level and be able to carry on and on he must have built up a tolerance over time. Have you not noticed?

If I drink 2 large glasses of wine now I'm off my face!

In all seriousness this is very worrying, I'm angry that he drove the next day. It's not fair on other drivers. There are kids in those cars around him too.