Or is this a worrying amount to drink?

[RainRainGoAway2020]

DH and I went out for dinner last night. Over the course of the evening I estimate he had around 5 or so pints and a large glass of wine. I went to bed when we got home and he stayed up. This morning I find he had sat and drank 3 cans of beer and almost an entire bottle of wine after i went to bed.
AIBU or is that a ridiculous amount to drink after a night out??

This is something of a pattern with him and I think it’s symptomatic of an issue with alcohol - he denies it. The worst of it is that he drove this morning before I realised he had carried on his own party at home. I’d never have got in the car if I’d had any idea just how much he’d sunk.

I'm with you OP, I used to drink like this and it absolutely was an issue, to the extent that I now don't drink at all because of the impact of what I was doing on myself and those around me.

I would go to a perfectly normal occasion like dinner, drink more than was appropriate to, come home smashed and lay into whatever was in the house whilst my partner like a normal person went to bed. I'd sit up by myself until 3,4 or later in the morning. Presumably your DH was up until the small hours too if he's drunk all of that once home. Its a pretty sad place to be, carrying on the party by yourself.

I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic but had no off switch, which sounds like your DH. Unfortunately he's unlikely to change if he thinks this is normal, until something catastrophic happens to wake him up to it, probably getting nicked for drink driving by the sounds of it.

I feel for you, especially given he is clearly in such denial

A bottle of wine after getting home in one night? More beers into early hours? On top of what sounds like 10-12 units already on night out. Then drove next morning rather than simply turned over in bed groaning never again.

Sorry but that level of drinking is binge alcoholism. He might be a functional alcoholic but he is one. One who stops at the bar in passing whilst taking bags out of car and casually downs 2 units, without counting that even as a drink.

21 units is maximum of what WHO advise for men in a week. They don't advise you drink them all on one night,

Ask him to count up what he's actually drinking because it sounds like he might be thinking about and drinking alcohol more than you realise.

I don't think this is a healthy relationship with alcohol. Have you heard of the AUDIT health care professionals use with people who may have problem drinking? It's worth looking at.

www.euro.who.int/en/health-topics/disease-prevention/alcohol-use/do-you-drink-too-much-test-your-own-alcohol-consumption-with-the-audit-test

@Heymacarana Just because you and your mates drank as much as the ops H did doesn’t mean it’s normal. I used to binge drink every wend and would have laughed at the idea that it wasn’t normal. It doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic but it is problem drinking

Why don't you buy a breathalyser, and the next time he thinks he's ok to drink,then drive, ask him to use it. I was married to a man like this for years, he lost his license in the end after driving with 6 pints in his system. Stupidly I forgave him for that but it never stopped so I had to leave him in the end

If you ask him how many units he is having he will lie.

Op, you've already decided it's not normal and it's not ok. You know mumsnet has an odd attitude to booze typically and some hysteria about it, so we're going to get people agreeing with you.

Why do you need to validation of a bunch of tee totallers? Is it because your husband disagrees with you?

Other than the driving, he is an adult and as long as it doesn't impact on you, which is didn't you weren't even aware, he can drink as he pleases without your permission. He is your husband not your son.

He's clearly not doing it daily, or even every other day, and clearly you simply have a problem with drinking. You need to agree to disagree.

Goodness, that's a lot, even by my standards!

bluntness you don’t have to drink everyday to have a problem. I agree that MN seems to have an issue with alcohol consumption in general and I roll my eyes at some of the posts “ I drink one glass of wine a week” “you’re an alcoholic op”
In this case though it sounds like the ops H has a problem. Hiding how much you drink, drinking alone imo are signs of a drink problem

Yes that’s concerning. Drinking on your own/in secret. And not being able to stop when you’ve started. All are signs of alcoholism. But people can think it’s only if you have to have a drink in the morning that it’s a problem. But it’s not.

That amount of solo drinking is definitely a concern. That's 20ish units alone, after lots socially.

I rarely drink these days but many of my friends regularly drink that amount on a weekend - like Friday and Saturday night and probably a midweek bottle of wine. One friend can regularly drink 3 bottles of wine on a late night drinking session. I think it’s an insane amount but the amount you describe to me doesn’t surprise me as I guess I’m around people who drink a lot

Island island island - you sound exactly like my husband! He’s been known to drink weeks old cooking wine as well before. He will drink anything he can get his hands on and will always have an excuse for why it’s “normal”.

Bluntness - it affects me regularly actually.

To the posters saying that hiding how much he drinks proves he has a problem, maybe he does so simply because he knows the OP is judging him on his consumption. How often does he drink OP?

@JRUIN

That might be true if the OP was a tee totaller and he was a moderate drinker.

But he drank like a fish all night, including before and after they went out together (where he also drank a fair amount).

Come on. The guy has a drink problem.

@RainRainGoAway2020 and that is worrying, if he can't just shrug and say well I'll have a cup of tea instead when there's nothing nice or left to drink that's alcohol then I say yes he has a problem. Do your friends or family mention anything about his drinking?

More than is good for him JRUIN. You seem determined to make the OP think she is over reacting. She isn't. She has already stated that this is not a one off, and is a regular occurrence.

This kind of drinking is not sustainable.

I agree that there is a lot of hysteria on MN from people who think a thimbleful of sherry once a month is too much. I speak as someone who does enjoy a drink - I had three large G and Ts last night, but 24 units+ in one night on a regular basis signifies an alcohol problem.

How often does he drink, or how often does he admit to drinking? It varies but he will usually have a bender of some sort every week or two. Like going for lunch and turning up home past midnight paralytic.
Frequently I will smell alcohol on him and he will deny it.
But it’s not about just frequency. It’s the fact he can not control it. Once he starts he gets to a point and then will drink anything and everything he can find.

@RightSwipe the odd bender does not an alcoholic maketh. That is indeed if it is the odd bender he has. Has OP said how often he drinks like this yet?

Only bad thing here was the driving. He needs to be careful about that.
Actually calculate it out, don't guess!

I've dealt with alcoholism and it's frustrating when people label others as having a problem just because they've had a few alone or they've had a lot in one night.

Big red flag that he continued to drink when the evening was over.I have been sober almost 17years,that is very Alcoholic behaviour.

If he doesn’t see it as a problem there is nothing you can do about it.

It will get worse if he is an Alcoholic, but he may not be,some people just drink a lot.

You don’t need any more opinions, OP. You know it’s a problem. What you need is to think through what you do next.

I am not determined to make the OP think she is overreacting at all @Ginfordinner (apt name). I am merely interested in the subject and think all the facts are needed before passing judgement.

I believe that age comes into it too. I and most of my friends would drink like this a couple of times a month or so in our 20's/early 30's with no ill effect. It's all part of being young isn't it?

His family are all massive drinkers, two have died from alcoholism.
His friends joke about his drinking but they all see it as “one offs”. They know he got way too drunk with them on Tuesday, but they don’t know he also did the same with someone else a few nights before if you see what I mean?
A friends wife once said to me that while at university he was the only one who could go for one pint on a Monday night and end up out drinking until 4am, but that obviously she was sure he’d changed. Erm nope!