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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if you've ever felt like this about a celebrity's death

609 replies

twelveminutespast · 15/02/2020 23:56

I didn't know Caroline and she didn't know me, but I can't shake this feeling of sadness about her death. It's really stopped me in my tracks.

To know that someone else felt like life wasn't worth living is just the most horrendous and awful thing to me. I do believe she would have made it through the court case the other side. I'm wondering what she was thinking during her final moments.

I feel so saddened.

Has anyone else ever felt like this about a celebrity when they've passed? If so, who? It probably sounds really pathetic as I didn't know her, but I can't stop thinking about it Sad

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 17/02/2020 16:24

She was obviously troubled, for a long time, but the ‘be kind’ thing is irritating. Was she kind that night when he had to call the police to protect himself?

It’s sad, but she was no saint, a bit of a reality check needed I think

rattusrattus20 · 17/02/2020 16:26

'If this was a male celebrity who dated a 17 year old and smashed his partner over the head with a lamp the reactions would be markedly different'

I dunno - i personally think the amount of abuse she got for that was about the same as a man would have got, albeit from a totally different set of people, and with a totally different set of people defending her.

The postmorterm rush to defend her is IMO more a result of her very untimely/undeserved end than her gender.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 17:01

The postmorterm rush to defend her is IMO more a result of her very untimely/undeserved end than her gender

True.

And that she was an intrinsically good person - human and real.

And are merciful about her behaviour when she kicked off after seeing texts on her boyfriend's phone.

I wish she could have shown herself some mercy.

FooFighter99 · 17/02/2020 17:13

Chester Bennington

still can't listen to One More Light without skipping most of the tracks cos they make me want to cry

such a waste of a beautiful life

Microdot · 17/02/2020 17:19

And are merciful about her behaviour when she kicked off after seeing texts on her boyfriend's phone.

It is possible to be respectful and sorrowful about her death without excusing her behaviour Inkanta. Don't you care that you are insulting victims of DV by doing so?

7dayslater · 17/02/2020 17:20

Michael Jackson.

Prince & David Bowie really shocked me too.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 17:26

It is possible to be respectful and sorrowful about her death without excusing her behaviour Inkanta. Don't you care that you are insulting victims of DV by doing so

Wow aggressive.

Reject the behaviour but not the person.

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 17:26

@Inkanta we wouldn't excuse a man's behaviour, we try and teach women that no matter what the justification abuse is not acceptable. It's insulting to all victims.

When I did my initial police statement the FIRST thing they asked is what I did to cause it. When I went through the family court process was on what I did and didn't do, when, why etc. Abuse is never ok. The victim is not to blame.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 17:35

Abuse is never ok. The victim is not to blame

True.

But reject the behaviour and not the person.

Microdot · 17/02/2020 17:36

That's so shit that victims are put in the position of having to justify why they didn't deserve the abuse Donkeykong Flowers

Inkanta you are insulting victims of abuse and it's not aggressive to point that out. Are you going to add silencing to the list as well?

Yes, you can accept that the person is not the totality of the behaviour, that they are capable of being good in other ways, but that does not excuse it - not socially and certainly not legally.

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 17:40

You weren't rejecting the behaviour you were justifying the behaviour by saying it was as a consequence of his actions.

My ex tried to blame me for the assaults. It's the same thing.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 17:42

Inkanta you are insulting victims of abuse and it's not aggressive to point that out. Are you going to add silencing to the list as well?

Wow aggressive again!

Talk normally.

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 17:44

I've also said upthread that that you can acknowledge someone is an abuser and not want them to feel their only option is to take their own lives. She was still someone's daughter, someone's sister, a friend. She worked out and contributed positively in many ways but that does not nullify her actions.

Microdot · 17/02/2020 17:46

How would you prefer me to talk? Or do you consider any talk about victims of abuse, to someone who is trying to exonerate the abuser, as 'aggressive'?

Pretty ironic as you are excusing extremely violent aggressive behaviour.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 17:48

You weren't rejecting the behaviour you were justifying the behaviour by saying it was as a consequence of his actions

I think people are finding it difficult to equate how to feel about Caroline because of the incident which she was prosecuted for.

It's possible to reject the behaviour but not reject the person - and be generally merciful. Likewise it would have helped Caroline if she could have shown herself some mercy. I suspect she didn't.

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 17:48

*hard not out

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 17:50

"when she kicked off after seeing texts on her boyfriend's phone" is JUSTIFYING her actions. There's a difference between separating her from her actions and then actually justifying her actions.

Inkanta · 17/02/2020 18:06

"when she kicked off after seeing texts on her boyfriend's phone" is JUSTIFYING her actions. There's a difference between separating her from her actions and then actually justifying her actions

Yes - it may seem that I am justifying. That is the context around the incident. She saw the texts, she was enraged and she picked up a lamp to hit him with. The press describe it that way.

Donkeykong2019 · 17/02/2020 18:18

Then maybe just refer to it as "alleged assault".

I fully agree it should not define her and negate from all the other elements of her but I can't accept assaults being justified.

VeganVeal · 17/02/2020 18:22

Tony Hancock, what a waste

daisychain01 · 17/02/2020 19:10

I think Tony Hancock suffered from depression didn't he, @VeganVeal? His era of comedy was so full of creativity - I love the Blood Donor and his 'that's nearly an armful!!!'

I guess, on the positive side, entertainers and musicians leave an amazing legacy so they live on forever in our memory.

Carouselfish · 17/02/2020 19:25

Robin Williams. He was part of my childhood happy memories. Bawled.

MixerTaps · 17/02/2020 19:48

Reject the behaviour but not the person.

Do you always do that? Some people deserve rejection.

exWifebeginsAgainat46 · 17/02/2020 19:54

it has hit me quite hard, as i know first-hand how high the threshold for treating suicidal people is. she should have been taken to a place of safety if she was suicidal the day before and the ambulance and police attended.

a few years ago, i was found in my car by the police after an attempt to take my own life. the ambulance was with them, i went to off resus and was treated. as i am posting, it’s clear i survived.

the psychiatrist saw me the next morning and told me i was being discharged. i told him if i was, i would simply do it again. i was in the darkest place i have ever been. i was admitted to the psych ward for a week, and discharged from there with a Care Plan in place and access to the Crisis Team.

unless you have tried to seek help for suicidal depression, you cannot appreciate just how hard it is to get anywhere.

i know that even if my current situation worsens, i will not be taken on and treated by my local mental health team as the trust has been in special measures for three years and there are no staff, no plans to change this, and nowhere to turn in a crisis. my discharge from services in January has been reviewed by the trust, and it has been made clear to me that although they are horrified by the way i was dealt with, nothing has changed, nor will it. i can make a formal complaint through PALS, but it will simply go on the pile. they are busy with investigations into four recent suicides of service users who were utterly failed by the system.

so yes, i’m sad that a woman is dead. suicide is often preventable. if only the government would acknowledge that and invest in mental health provision so that vulnerable people can be treated and supported. i can’t see it happening though.

Username109876 · 17/02/2020 20:33

I saw this on social media, it's quite saddening.

To ask if you've ever felt like this about a celebrity's death
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