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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH work colleague weird message

120 replies

cantwell · 15/02/2020 22:21

I work with DH,

This evening a young female who works with us (but closer with him) sent him a heart as a message. Nothing else, just that.

AIBU to message her about this?

OP posts:
atomicblonde30 · 16/02/2020 01:23

Yeah I’d be asking him to handle that ASAP. That’s incredibly inappropriate, his reaction to being asked to handle it will tell you volumes. Could be he’s messing about behind you back or could be that she’s feeling bold and wants to act on her crush etc. Either way I’m not sure I’d be able to let it drop tbh

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 16/02/2020 01:34

I think my DH would reply with a "?" too. Could easily be a mistake so wouldn't jump to any conclusions.

Aridane · 16/02/2020 02:01

I sent a colleague 370 monkey emojis via WhatsApp once because I accidentally sat on my phone and it was the last emoji I’d used.

Grin
TheWaveReturnsToTheOcean · 16/02/2020 02:02

I once got a text meant for my friend from her bf that was...interesting Grin Simple reply...don't think this was meant for me, was it?!!! and a bit of piss taking. Your DH simply needs to do the same.

Aridane · 16/02/2020 02:03

Oh please don’t be that wife that contacts her husband’s work colleagues, ‘calling them out’ and demanding answers

VenusTiger · 16/02/2020 02:10

wtf? why would you be okay or think it's a mistake if a colleague sent your DH a heart emoji!! It's a heart emoji! If it was a chain text, there would be an explanation attached or sent after - OP, do not text her or ask her, the emoji was sent to his phone, not yours - he surely must ask if the emoji was meant for him - there's nothing wrong/aggressive about asking that surely - if he point blank refuses, then I'd be a little worried about it tbh - maybe if the rumours about her fancying him are true, then he surely must know himself, and he may be innocently feeling a little embarrassed about having to deal with it - but simply asking if the text was meant for him, should be his first reaction.

heartsonacake · 16/02/2020 02:14

YABU. This is for him to deal with, not you, even more so as you all work together. He has decided to deal with it by not responding, so you need to respect that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/02/2020 02:26

I agree that you are not the one who should be dealing with this. However, I dont think ignoring it should be the way he is dealing with this either.

I agree with the ? response. It gives her an out if she does fancy him and did it while pissed, or hoping to get similar back, so she can say "OMG, so embarrasssed! Meant to send that to X". If she comes back with anything more direct about fancying him he can reply that he doesnt feel the same and that it is inappropriate for her to have sent that.

Either way, she gets the message.

ilovedjerrymore · 16/02/2020 05:59

I never understand this in life when a man receives some kind of message from a woman does then the wife or girlfriend of the man feel they need to address it? I see this come up time and time again on this board where woman are in the same position as the op and that they are determined to tackle the other woman etc. In my eyes a man should be the one to get to the bottom of it not the woman. For me personally it speaks volumes if a man deals with it himself.
Op the message could be a innocent mistake and as for colleagues saying she fancies him that could also be ‘office gossip’ the only way to find out is for husband to ask the woman maybe in a jokey way ‘have a few too many Saturday?’ Then go from there. Please do not get involved hopefully you can trust you partner to deal with it.

SpanishFly · 16/02/2020 07:19

As others have said, it's not for you to deal with. However no way would my DH be ignoring this.

Are you thinking there's more going on that he isnt being honest about?

Newbie1999 · 16/02/2020 07:36

I would ask him to send the ‘?’.

VodkaRevelation · 16/02/2020 07:41

I’d definitely want my DH to reply with a ‘?’

Helpmequickplease · 16/02/2020 08:20

100% ask him to send a ?

CherryPavlova · 16/02/2020 08:22

Bless.A daft young thing who doesn’t know appropriate work behaviour.He needs to tell her it upset his beautiful and much loved wife.

MrsG010814 · 16/02/2020 08:25

It sounds like one of those chain messages tbh. If you call her out or message her you'll look batshit. Your husband could reply with a ? As suggested by pp.

Bluntness100 · 16/02/2020 08:30

I wouldn't do it as you, he can send a question mark as pp said, but id not read anything into this.

One of our very senior managers once sent me a kiss text emoji , the guy is not inappropriate in any way. I know it was one of those automatic things folks do, like putting kisses at the end of things and laughed.

I also once has an employee say bye, love you, at the end of a call. Again I know it was just automatic. Going all crazy wife on her is a bit much if everything else in their text chain is normal.

CalleighDoodle · 16/02/2020 08:30

I dont

CalleighDoodle · 16/02/2020 08:35

Ffs I dont think i could let it go until Monday. Id be assuming there were messages in between the work ones that he was deleting as they went along.

Poppyfields21 · 16/02/2020 08:56

Agree with calleigh I’d be thinking there’s more to it if he doesn’t reply

Ughmaybenot · 16/02/2020 09:42

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I think it’s odd that your husband just ignored it completely, given that there’s rumours already. If I was him, I’d want to clear it up for myself (I’d be wondering wtf that was for) and also for my partner because I wouldn’t want them thinking anything untoward was going on. Too late now of course, but you know.

SerenDippitty · 16/02/2020 09:46

You’ll gain nothing by contacting her. She’ll just say it was a mistake andmeant for her boyfriend, which is probably true anyway, and you’ll look paranoid.

Aridane · 16/02/2020 10:11

Ffs I dont think i could let it go until Monday.

WhT difference does 24 hours make?!

heartsonacake · 16/02/2020 10:39

He needs to tell her it upset his beautiful and much loved wife.

CherryPavlova He should definitely not say that 😂

It sounds:
a) rehearsed and unnatural
b) fake
c) like his wife told him exactly what he had to say to her
d) like it didn’t upset him, he was fine with it, it just upset her

I’m sure none of those are messages either of them want to convey.

SpanishFly · 16/02/2020 10:42

Aridane for me, it's not so much the extra 24 hrs that's the issue, it's the fact that it leaves things potentially uncomfortable on monday in the workplace; and would have to be dealt with in front of colleagues.

But actually 24 extra hours of wondering what's going on is also really unpleasant.

TomeOfSomething · 16/02/2020 10:47

He needs to tell her it upset his beautiful and much loved wife.

CherryPavlova He should definitely not say that 😂

Hahaha