Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be saddened by this

118 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 00:02

So last week I was at a pool party for a 5 year old. Parents were expected to be in pool to keep ratios up. I was the only female in the pool. Aibu to wonder why?

OP posts:

notacooldad · 15/02/2020 10:33

Because I was the only female adult in yhe pool. Every other child has a dad willing to go in but tge mums seemingly chose not to
To he honest, in this situation I would send DH n the pol and I'd sit out!
I not ashamed of my figure, I've got no issues over body hair or any vanity around that. I just dont want be in a pool with a load of kids. Dh always took our two swimming as its not my thing. If he wasnt around I'd do it but I'd rather not.

BahMooQuack · 15/02/2020 10:34

fuck me i hate pool parties.

I have body confieence issues due to a physical condition that has physically distorted my body.

I am embarrassed and ashamed of my body. I do not want the other parents looking at what i look like when not covered up as best as I am able to do so.

sawyersfishbiscuits · 15/02/2020 10:35

So what if the mums didn't go in the water. I bet my entire inheritance that every card and present the birthday kid received was organised, bought and wrapped by a woman.

Totally agree @MorrisZapp

Mulledwineinajug · 15/02/2020 10:36

I actually think you’re right and lots of women are self conscious. And it is sad. And not great for our daughters to see.

In our house it’s the other way round. I’m overweight but not especially self conscious about swimming. I’m more self conscious about dressing up for a night out. DH is not overweight but he won’t go swimming. He is self conscious.

Abraid2 · 15/02/2020 10:38

I just can’t be bothered drying my hair after swimming. I would go in if I had to, and did when my children were small, and I am a reasonable swimmer, but having to do all the shaving etc is a fag. It is easier for men!

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2020 10:39

No way would I have ever got in my cossie in front of random parents.

My hang up I know. Thank god pool parties weren't a 'thing' for little ones back then.

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2020 10:43

I never go in a pool because I have sensitive eyes. I swim in the sea though.

My DD's ex takes her children swimming. My DD goes to the gym/martial arts, but doesn't like swimming. When we went on holiday when she was a child, she'd stay on the boat/beach.

I'd make the assumption that the Mum's wanted a catch up, so the Dad's decided to be the one's in the water. It's also easier for men to dry off and carry on with any plans.

I think everyone should learn to swim, but not everyone enjoys it. You wouldn't force someone into any other physical activity for the sake of a children's party.

Flaskfan · 15/02/2020 10:44

If I had the choice, I'd have been sitting on the side having a chat. I have a decent body; I felt no shame when my bikini bottoms got swooshed up my arse on a waterside at the Sandcastle, but fuck getting in a lukewarm pool with kids splashing me.

percheron67 · 15/02/2020 10:45

Juanmorebeer. I so agree. I'd be even more so if invited to a baby shower!

Mothership4two · 15/02/2020 10:46

I think after the thousand of hours I have spent sitting next to the pool for swimming lessons, it would be a small price for my dh to pay

Thinkingabout1t · 15/02/2020 10:48

Were you feeling sorry for dh who was being left out? I would too, when someone can’t take part because of physical limitations. But you’re sensitive to him, and I’m sure he’s sensible and you just get through these irritations.

gingersausage · 15/02/2020 10:54

I’m more “saddened” by all this bollocks about body hair and being unable to blow dry your hair afterwards. It’s the local pool not a cover shoot for Vogue. Stick your hair in a bun and wash and dry it when you get home ffs. How many of the men do you think did their “manscaping” before they considered themselves worthy of being seen in public? Precisely none I’ll bet.

Besides all that, I honestly don’t understand your post OP. I can’t think of anything worse than going to any sort of kid’s party so that was always DH’s job. He loved them; he liked children, he liked socialising with other mums (20 years ago it was mostly mums at parties) and it gave me a few hours peace. There’s no way both of us would have gone unless it was for a family party, which as yours was makes your post even more odd. Are you suggesting that the “mums” were all so concerned about their appearance that they didn’t want to get in the pool and mess up their hair and makeup? Or are you saying they all have body image issues? I think you should just come out and say what it is that “saddens” you, and stop being coy and disingenuous, then maybe we could have a proper discussion about it.

FinallyHere · 15/02/2020 11:04

[sad face]

Atthebottomofthegarden · 15/02/2020 11:04

When DD had a pool party, I stayed on the side and “hosted” the other parents who hadn’t gone in - aka chatting to other parents who I mostly already knew from the school run. I did have my costume with me however just in case the ratios didn’t turn out right but was v pleased I didn’t have to, as others have said I’d really rather not take my clothes off in front of all the school mums!

DH was perfectly happy to be in the water with the kids. He doesn’t do school runs so he didn’t know the other parents, and doesn’t like chatting to —anyone— strangers. He also much prefers structured activities with DD. Yes more Dads went in but there were a few Mums in too.

I think when the kids are quite little most parents are happy enough to go in the pool with their kids. It’s an active thing you might do with the kids at the weekend anyway.

notacooldad · 15/02/2020 11:23

I actually think you’re right and lots of women are self conscious
But we don't know if the OP is right or not about these women not going in the water as her post is all about wondering why they didn't. She doesnt actually know why they don't go in. The simple reason could be because they don't want to and that is a valid reason ( judging by all the other threads on MN where no apparently is a complete sentence and advice is always about people doing what works for them)

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/02/2020 18:24

The simple reason could be because they don't want to and that is a valid reason ( judging by all the other threads on MN where no apparently is a complete sentence and advice is always about people doing what works for them)

You seem to be confusing the reason something is happening and the obligation to provide an explanation to others. Even though “No” is a complete sentence it doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason behind that “No.” or a reason behind not wanting to, it just means individuals aren’t required to explain themselves.

Quite rightly, rather than go up and bug individual women at the poolside and ask them why they aren’t in the water, the OP came on here to wonder about this as an apparently widespread cultural phenomenon. So that women who were OK with talking honestly about why they don’t or haven’t or didn’t go in the water in those situations or have some insight into it could do so.

So many people on this thread seem very defensive about the fact this seems to happen and reluctant to have people explore the reasons why. Which opens up the related question of why women as a group might be reluctant to talk about what drives their decision making in something like this.

notacooldad · 15/02/2020 18:36

BoomBoomsCousin
Fair enough. I gave my reason further down and it was a simple one.
I couldn't be arsed going in the water when there is a load of kids in. There's nothing more to it than that!

Weallfloatdownhere · 15/02/2020 18:50

This thread makes no sense at all. And “saddened” no longer even looks like a word after seeing it posted so many times

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread