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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be saddened by this

118 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 00:02

So last week I was at a pool party for a 5 year old. Parents were expected to be in pool to keep ratios up. I was the only female in the pool. Aibu to wonder why?

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 00:40

But not nut

OP posts:
RedBullBlood · 15/02/2020 00:41

The party was for your DH's niece but he didn't know anyone there?

Whynotnowbaby · 15/02/2020 00:44

I’m really confused about this. Why were there a load of mums on the side? Surely only one parent needs to accompany each child so, if dad is in the pool, why does mum need to be there at all? It’s hardly a social environment for adults to hang out.

Secondly, can you explain what makes you sad? For me it would be that I had to get in the pool when all the others had managed to persuade their Dh to do it instead but I feel like you are saddened that the mums aren’t in the pool. Is that right? Why? I hate swimming and would never volunteer to get in if someone else volunteered to go instead of me, does that make you sad? I like doing plenty of other things, just don’t get on with water.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 00:45

Yep. Most of the people there were dn's school friends Tbh we all felt like outsiders but dh more so.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/02/2020 00:46

I suppose deep down I wonder whether the mums worry more about how they look.
I however am obese nut working on it and didn't worry about how I looked.

Then you're probably projecting.

Personally I would think it was a cheek for the parents of the birthday child to expect guests to put themselves out like that.

If you're organising a party then organise it properly. Don't leave it to chance.

And I say that as someone with no body issues at all and who quite likes swimming.

Whynotnowbaby · 15/02/2020 00:47

Ok xpost. Maybe some did worry about their appearance but others will just have been pleased someone else was prepared to go in so they didn’t have to faff about getting ready, or maybe they don’t like swimming, or maybe they do but don’t like messing about with a load of kids in shallow water.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 15/02/2020 00:48

I'm a size 8 but I can't swim (exercise-induced asthma and chlorine makes it worse), I'd be a liability in the water but hubby is really good at swimming so any swimming is hubby's domain and a great opportunity for him to spend quality time with our LO doing something together while mama has a break and gets to talk to adults. I don't give two craps about my body image and honestly I'd be really surprised and confused if someone assumed that's why I wasn't swimming.

BillHadersNewWife · 15/02/2020 00:50

I don't go in pools or the ocean because I hate it....not because I give a bugger how I look!

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 15/02/2020 00:50

Perhaps, like me, they currently have their winter coats and thus sport bikini lines down to their knees and need them for warmth/can't be arsed removing them for a kid's party?

85notout · 15/02/2020 00:51

It's winter OP... mums not in the pool because none of them can be arsed to remove all the leg/armpit/bikini hair.....

So they let vanity get in the way of doing things for their children ? Biscuit

RedBullBlood · 15/02/2020 00:52

But one of the b/day girl's parents is your DH's sibling...

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2020 00:53

So they let vanity get in the way of doing things for their children ?

It's not for their children though is it?

It's for the cheeky fuckers who 'organised' a pool party for their own kid's birthday, but couldn't be arsed to fill the adult to child ratio themselves.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 00:57

The sibling was in the water.

OP posts:
85notout · 15/02/2020 00:57

You can't expect parents organising a party to find ten adults or whatever to do in the water.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 01:00

The invite was clear. One of us ie me was expected to be in the water

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/02/2020 01:01

You can't expect parents organising a party to find ten adults or whatever to do in the water.

Of course you can if a pool party is what you've chosen for your 5 year old's birthday Confused

The leisure centre will have strict rules and they will be part of the contract when the parents book.

Leaving it to chance on the day is just stupid. What if parents wanted to drop and run? The party couldn't go ahead at all.

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2020 01:03

The invite was clear. One of us ie me was expected to be in the water

Right and you were and presumably the adult to child ratio was met, so why are you 'sad'? Confused

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 01:05

Because I was the only female adult in yhe pool. Every other child has a dad willing to go in but tge mums seemingly chose not to.

OP posts:
RitaMills · 15/02/2020 01:06

I have long hair, DP doesn’t so on that basis he can go in pool. I want the party to be over then I want to GTF, I don’t want to sit for 30 mins blow drying my hair while DS is moaning at me to hurry up.... I’m perfectly comfortable in a swimsuit.

WorraLiberty · 15/02/2020 01:09

Because I was the only female adult in yhe pool. Every other child has a dad willing to go in but tge mums seemingly chose not to.

Is this some sort of 'stealth judge'? Hmm

All the mums 'happy to chat' but you were the only one happy to help out?

Well done you but I'm still unsure why it mad you 'sad'?

RedBullBlood · 15/02/2020 01:12

Your husband had a reason not to swim, but you seem to think the mum's just didn't fancy it. You don't know. If you were desperate to know you could have asked them. Your niece's mum wasn't there?

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 15/02/2020 01:20

My nieces dad was in the pool. My nieces mum was on the scoreline with the other school mums.

OP posts:
Ludways · 15/02/2020 01:21

I'd have been in the pool and dh would've been either in the pool or chatting depending on his mood on the day. I'd be in the pool as I'm a good swimmer and would rather do that than speak to people. Does the fact I'd rather not have to speak to anyone else make you sad too? Not being goady, just genuinely interested.

Seetheprettysnowdrops · 15/02/2020 01:25

Sorry OP I know you explained it, but I'm still not getting why you were saddened

heartsonacake · 15/02/2020 01:26

I have absolutely no idea what is going on here and I don’t understand what on earth could possible make you sad in this situation Confused

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