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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I give him the ring back?

119 replies

pingu777 · 14/02/2020 20:54

The man I was engaged to has decided he doesn't want to get married. Or live together. Or have any life together.

He has asked what I'm doing with the ring.

AIBU to keep it?

(Lighthearted, of course, how can I creatively tell him that I won't be returning his gift?)

OP posts:
Happiedays · 14/02/2020 21:08

I thought if you break the engagement you give back the ring, but if he breaks it you keep the ring.

Yellowmellowgem · 14/02/2020 21:09

Definitely keep it. Take it to a car boot sale and sell for 50p having the satisfaction that it’s his money loss not yours.

TriangleBingoBongo · 14/02/2020 21:09

I think it’s poor form to ask for it back. I would return it if he outright asked. But if he didn’t I’d flog it.

BamboozledandBefuddled · 14/02/2020 21:09

Tradition says that when an engagement is ended by either party, the woman keeps the ring unless it is an heirloom in the man's family. I suppose it depends if you think a woman should do what is right or do what tradition demands of her.

Pardonwhat · 14/02/2020 21:10

I suppose it depends if you think a woman should do what is right or do what tradition demands of her.

Why is giving a gift back ‘right’?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2020 21:12

He’s dumped you AND asked for it back?

The fact that he’s had the nerve to ask for it would make me adamant about keeping it. Cheeky shit.

Sorry you’re going through this OP Flowers You never have to speak to him again.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/02/2020 21:12

Tell him you don't want to give it back if that's how you feel.

I think if DH and I separated now I'd give him back the engagement and wedding rings purely because they'd mean nothing.

BamboozledandBefuddled · 14/02/2020 21:15

Why is giving a gift back ‘right’?
Is it a 'gift'? I don't see it that way. We all have our own opinion - I would give the ring back.

PoloMama · 14/02/2020 21:15

It’s up to you but he only wants it back so that he can sell it... He has broken contract so he stands to lose it.

PigletJohn · 14/02/2020 21:17

I knew somebody who advertised one on the office noticeboard as "unwanted gift."

GabriellaMontez · 14/02/2020 21:17

I wouldn't return it.
I wouldn't expect any gifts I'd given him returned either.

If it's not a gift what is it?

CupoTeap · 14/02/2020 21:18

I still have my engagement ring and I've been divorced 5 years, I love it but have never worn it again.

It's a tough one

Jonb6 · 14/02/2020 21:22

In England and WalesThe Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970states that:

“The gift of an engagement ring shall be presumed to be an absolute gift; this presumption may be rebutted by proving that the ring was given on the condition, express or implied, that it should be returned if the marriage did not take place for any reason.

GreenTulips · 14/02/2020 21:25

I’d keep it unless a family heirloom!

It was given in good faith. It’s yours.

He has no right to ask for it back.

Mrsmadevans · 14/02/2020 21:26

It was a gift , unless it is a family heirloom then keep it Flowers

Toria70 · 14/02/2020 21:28

Take it to a jeweller, have the stone removed and a cheap dress one put back in its place.

Then give it him back, and sell the stone or have a necklace/bracelet made with it. I'd get a lot of satisfaction from wearing it, tbh.

iolaus · 14/02/2020 21:29

In general I would say he ended it, therefore you can keep it UNLESS he ended it because of something unforgivable you did (not saying OP did - but if a man ended the relationship because he caught his fiancee in bed with his brother then I'd say that was the woman's fault and she should return the ring - if he ended it because she put two sugars in his tea rather than one, then she can keep the ring)

Thehop · 14/02/2020 21:31

He broke it off, keep
It and sell it or have it reset.

Fourtights · 14/02/2020 21:31

I'd sell it if I were in your position. Buy yourself something nice with the money, or if you can't face that, which I could understand - give it to a charity of your choice.

It is cheeky of him to ask for it back, and quite unkind in a certain light.

Oldfail · 14/02/2020 21:34

Tell him moby dick has it and he is welcome to charter his own vessel to track it down

Northernparent68 · 14/02/2020 21:35

It’s a bit grabby to keep it, like you’re punishing him.

atomicblonde30 · 14/02/2020 21:36

I’d flog it, spend the money on a nice holiday for myself lol

WalkingWithTheBuffalo · 14/02/2020 21:38

It's not worth the aggro. Give it back - well fling it at him and flounce off into the sunset.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/02/2020 21:43

You sell the ring and do what you like with the money.

One does not ask for an engagement ring to be returned. It is crass in the extreme.

The price of the ring should be one of the many, many regrets he now carries forward with him.

Melabela10 · 14/02/2020 21:45

Insist that you keep it but if he makes too much of a drama then perhaps give it back?

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