To think DH is being ridiculous (and unrealistic, and insane)

[WhatTheCherry]

Quick background: looking to buy our first house, 3 DC (2 are his from previous relationship and stay 3 nights a week), pregnant at the moment. DH owns a business which is extremely busy and I work 9-5.

DH wants to buy a house we've seen which is cheap but is essentially a shell. It is completely gutted and on further inspection needs quite a lot of work. No central heating, wood worm in floors so they all need ripping up and replacing, possible issue with roof which we are waiting for surveyor to comment on, needs insulation work. Needs complete cosmetic overhaul as is essentially just floorboards and hanging off wallpaper in every room at the moment. It's a dump basically.

His reasonings for wanting to do it is firstly he can do quite a lot of the work himself and secondly, the houses once done, go for an alright amount in that area.

My reasons for not wanting to do it are:

1. We wouldn't be able to afford to rent and live somewhere else until it was done so we'd be living in a building site with youngish kids and I'd be pregnant so very possibly a newborn as well by then.

1. H works all the hours god sends in his extremely busy business. He has worked 6 sometimes 7 day weeks for the past year at least, leaving at 6 in the morning and not getting home until 6/7. He says he'll take 2-3 weeks off to just power through a lot of the bigger things but I know he won't. He stressed about taking a week off at Christmas he's so busy.

1. We wouldn't have tonnes of money to just throw at it straight away as most of the savings would be eaten up buying it and so my worry is that we'll have to live in a shit tip for months and months whilst we get the funds together again to make it at least slightly nicely livable.

He thinks I just don't want to get stuck in and do any hard work and don't have the 'vision'... I think he's unrealistic about how difficult it will be at this stage in our lives and we should buy something at least mostly done and then put our own stamp on it over the next few years. It would be different if it were just us two but with the kids I think it's unfair.

AIBU to think he's insane?

Hi is insane. We had neighbours doing this - they started when I was pregnant with DD1, who is now 16 - and they are still not finished. I’m pretty sure they regret the decision massively.

he was very keen to buy a doer-upper. He didn't because he said they were all madly overpriced - people were buying them at prices only just below what similar, finished houses were going for

Definitely this.

You want to at least make some money if you are going to put time and effort into something otherwise you could get a second/third job that takes up every evening and weekend and earn more.

It is about valuing your time.

£20k difference is nothing.
Most likely you will go over £20k and end up out of pocket and still have a half finished house

The red flag to me is that he's offering to take 2-3 weeks of work to do this - 2-3 weeks!!! You can't renovate a house in 2-3 weeks without a significant team.

We have family who are in the construction/property development game and they say customers always underestimate how long it takes to do a complete refurb.

All that mess and shite with a young baby is unthinkable imo. With a toddler (and the baby WILL be a toddler before it's finished imo) is even worse.

He needs to watch Hones under the Hammer. When floorboards have to come up and new Kitchen!/Bathroom is needed, the time and money needed is always underestimated. This is people with at least £20k sitting in the bank and their own builder family/friends.

It won't be worth it. I had damp problems, needed a, new floor/door frame and plastering. It took five days until I could paint. I've lived through a new kitchen and without a team of people coordinating the work, it's a nightmare with a newborn. You can't just crack on, you've got to have it dust free before you gloss, plaster etc needs to dry out.

I'd get your MW on board with how dangerous dust is to a newborn. Old dust is dangerous during late pregnancy as well.

Please let us know whether you’re having any success talking this over with him, OP - I’m so curious as to whether he’ll see sense. Really hope so!

Don’t do it!!
Our current house wasn’t even in that bad a state, DH was all for “doing it up” but 18 months later hardly anything has changed and I have to nag him to get anything done....even though this was pretty much his idea when we bought it!
For the sake of your relationship....don’t!