...to not understand why so many parents post constantly wondering why their child wakes through the night?

[sleepingtroub]

Post after post.
"My child is 5mo and wakes during the night to feed"
"How can I implement a routine on my 5week old?"
"How can I get my 6mo to sleep in their own room without waking up"

When did it get to this?

These are all normal things.

Before I was even old enough to have a child I was fully aware of the concept: baby = no sleep
Obviously it's not as bad as that 24/7 but why are so many parents expecting their old sleep routines to continue when they have a baby?

Totally agree with you OP i have a non sleeper they either sleep or they don't. Iv also found that when prompted those who apparently sleep through don't. Friend told me baby sleeps through then adds all I need to do is pop his dummy back in when he wakes and pat him back to sleep. Well that's not really sleeping through then is it.

Yes, I think there’s a huge range of what is normal for babies. What’s normal for me isn’t normal for everyone else and vice versa.

For example, DS loves his bath. When he gets out he screams relentlessly while getting dressed, there’s no relaxing story or cuddle. He’s done that since birth. Awful.
But I put him down in his cot and he rolls over a goes to sleep and is there all night (unless poorly). Wonderful.
Likewise he hates his car seat. Won’t sleep in his pushchair for love nor money. Isn’t a fan of cuddles.

They are all so different.

Yes the newborn stage is relentlessly tiring and I didn’t expect anything less. But what happens after that is anyone’s guess.

Yes that question is constantly asked on the mum pages I'm on another one is " what are these spots or rashes in my baby?" I don't know go ask a doctor not ask random mums scaring you all the while posting a picture online of your half nude child for God knows how many people that can see it 🙄

I think they are asking for help because it’s such hard work and all you want at that time is to find a solution to the endless nights.
I agree with you though because I think people always ask new parents if the baby is ‘sleeping through the night yet’ like it’s something that should happen early on. It’s not fair to ask people that constantly as most parents are struggling on through and this assumption that babies should sleep through makes people think they are doing something wrong!
I don’t know where it came from - a lot of babies I know don’t sleep well. My daughter has slept through the night 2 times and she’s 11 months!

Probably because they're on their knees with sleep deprivation and would quite like to know if anyone has any tips they've not yet tried that might get them some extra hours.

Probably not because they're all ignorant.

HTH.

My baby is 4.5 months old, and slept through the night from 10 to 6, from 6 weeks old. As far as I know I did nothing special to achieve this, I was just lucky. It went all to shit at 4 months of course for a couple of weeks. Now seems back to sleeping through. I exclusively breastfeed.

The vast majority of mums I have met think this is insane. They have anywhere from 1 to 5 night wakings to feed. No matter whether breast or formula fed. I started to feel embarrassed, and I've stopped talking about sleep because it must make them insane to know it is possible, and that they must be doing something wrong. I'm sure they aren't and I'm just lucky.

Oddly, when we mention this to friends who are older parents, they all say 'oh yes mine slept through too'. I'm starting to get the feeling that people with good sleepers don't talk about it much because it feels like bragging and makes the lives of non sleepers even more miserable. But it is possible. I never expected to be so well rested as a new mum. And for that I feel I have to apologise! I have no plans to write a bestselling book on the subject, however. And yes, since 3 months I can put my baby down in the cot awake at nap time and she falls asleep by herself. This appears to be witchcraft. I'm so sorry.

My first was a miracle self settling baby. She slept 7-7 from 4 months old, bar teething/illness. We didn’t do anything, she just came programmed to love her sleep.

The second one slept through in her own room when she was 7. That’s years, not months. Nothing we did helped her sleep through, we just had to ride it out.

Sleeping through is a broad spectrum!

Friend told me baby sleeps through then adds all I need to do is pop his dummy back in when he wakes and pat him back to sleep. Well that's not really sleeping through then is it.

One of my friends was once telling me about her 3 month old who “slept through” followed by her telling me about the 11pm dream feed and the “really quick” 3am feed

I think you know your sleep is going to be disrupted and everyone takes great delight in telling you you'll never sleep again! However I'd say that when you are in the middle of it, it is hard and one reason it's hard the first time around is you don't know what to do for the best. You know some babies sleep well and some sleep less. You know everyone does things differently and I honestly felt so stressed by whether our approach was for the best when our baby didn't sleep well. I asked many of the questions about whether he should be in a routine, or whether he shouldn't feed to sleep etc etc. So it wasn't necessarily trying to solve the sleep 'problem' but trying to learn from others so we could find the best way for our baby. I never felt so inadequate as a parent as when we were all exhausted and I literally had no idea what to actually do, or whether I should do anything at all. Felt like a shit mum! Now on the other side of it, I know I need to know my baby and listen to my instincts with confidence but it just isn't that easy when you've got no experience.

IME health visitors and so on expect them to be sleeping through by about 4-6 months as well, or certainly by 8-10 months

Totally normal and expected IME for sleep to be disturbed with any child under about 3. If they sleep through, you are lucky! They are only little and we aren't really built to sleep alone.

Totally agree with you OP. People have ridiculous expectations that babies sleep through.
Of my 3 kids not one slept through reliably before 2.5. It’s normal is what I want to scream!!

What? Of course they want help and guidance.

Ds1 slept through from 3 months old. Every night. 7pm-7am. Dream baby.

Ds2 was awake all through the night, from birth, and cried off-and-on, every night, all night. I was on my knees, sobbing, with sleep deprivation.

People on MN come for help, support, just to know there are others out there the same.