To not have to Be stressed on post natal ward?

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep]

I had my baby earlier in the week and after a very traumatic delivery he's in SCBU while I'm on the post natal ward (trying to recover from emergency surgery AND going back and forth to be with baby).
The staff have been amazing so this is in no way a criticism of them but it is a criticism of the idiot pen pusher who no doubt deemed it a good idea to implement a policy allowing partners or friends or family to stay over with mothers on the post natal ward!
The ward is full tonight and it's like a freaking zoo! Next to me I've got a woman who has her mother staying who repeatedly rings the midwife asking for food, pillows, water etc etc for her MOTHER because you know, she's travelled a long way! I've lost count of the amount of times they've bashed through my curtain and sent everything flying!
Opposite is a woman who at the moment has a partner and his male friend (who the midwife is trying to evict to their protests about it being too late at night for him to leave) - they are busy watching bollywood movies on an iPad at full volume and have their own picnic going on so it's non stop crinkle, rustle munch munch on top of their cackling, loud chatting and movie!! That's just two or the finer examples but the rest are having full on conversations at nearly half past midnight!

Is it too much to ask to recover on a ward where you don't feel like you're in party central, where you can actually speak to the midwife about bleeding or leaky boobs without having just a curtain between you and some randoms? Or even to be able to change without worrying that some idiot is going to pull your curtain back because they've barged it constantly? 😡

Posts about just ‘getting on with it’ really irritate me. I had in no way planned for DH to be there with us - my plan pre birth was for him to go home after, so he could try and get some rest too - no point in us both being shattered.

After a (very non straightforward, traumatic) EMCS with a difficult incision, and DD being partially in the birth canal, as well as becoming septic shortly after birth, I literally couldn’t lift her, or get myself up in the bed. I didn’t want DH sleeping on a blanket on the floor in a bay (there were no chairs) but there were not enough midwives to attend to me in a reasonable timeframe. I even brought in my own pain relief and informed them when I had taken it. I was desperate to pay for a private room (£150 a night!) but none were available for the first 2 nights.

Perhaps some of you who have managed to ‘just get on with it’ are superwomen, braver, or generally more impressive humans, but it’s not the same experience for everyone. I’m an experienced nurse, and I would never dream of thinking someone who had just had major surgery should just ‘get on with it’. This is all part of the wider subconscious belief that it’s all ‘women’s issues’ and therefore less worthy of concern.

This x1000. Men were allowed on the post natal ward twice a day for two hours when I had mine. It was blissful.

This is what it was like when I had DS1 20 years ago. It was not blissful. In any way. It was dreadful and I begged them to let me go home after 2 nights rather than 3.

I was in your situation with emergency c section and baby on SCBU. They put me in a side room so avoided the nightmare you describe. I think it's wrong to have so many people staying unless single rooms.

I’ve had two babies and am pregnant again - thankfully the last two there have been no partners allowed overnight. I really don’t think they should be able to stay.

I had bloody awful post natal treatment and it would have been great to have had Dh there to help me do what I needed to do after sections but, it should be women only at night. And there should be a strict limit on other visitors and small visiting hours.

It’s madness.

I was on the maternity ward and it was bad enough with the mums talking to their family on loud speaker. Effing and blinding.

There was one woman who was about to have her baby at 31 weeks, the MW was talking to her about breast milk, colostrum and the importance of it for premature babies.

"I ain't squeezing no breasting milk out my fucking tit"

I kid you not.

Adorable.

Choose not to breast feed by all means but do you have to take that tone with it?

Prem baby stomachs can't cope with formula.

Sorry I went off on a rant there.

I feel for you OP. Can your husband bring ear plugs?

I hope you and your baby get home soon.

Prem baby stomachs can't cope with formula

They can. A woman should not be forced to BF or to accept donor milk, there is formula especially adapted for premature babies- let's stop spreading misinformation.

OP YANBU, my DH stayed as the midwife demanded I call him up in the early hours (he had gone home to rest) as she didn't have time to help with our baby. I had an IV and a catheter so couldnt move much, I understand where she was coming from, but before he went we asked another midwife who said he could stay but didn't need to. There was no one else in the 4 bed ward that night though, the second night when others were in the beds he went home and a lovely MW actually helped. Ideally though I absolutely agree that they should not be allowed.

It's a pretty open admission that parts of the NHS are operating on a 3rd world level if unscreened, untrained, unmonitored male relatives staying all night, sleeping on chairs/ the floor of open plan (aside from curtains) post natal wards is the only way women and newborns will get through the night!

Seriously an admission of the NHS in some areas having completely given up pretending to provide a first world healthcare service for women.

When you are all home and recovered please complain to the hospital. It’s only if they are formally told of the massive problems caused for vulnerable women by allowing partners to stay over can things possibly be changed.

In some circumstances it may be best to have someone staying over but it shouldn’t be as standard and should only be a last resort.

I agree, can you imagine on a ward where men have had major surgery asking their partners who pop to the shop and buy some paracetamol as the drug round wasnt until later and no one was able to get any? Or to empty their catheters? Or change their blood sodden sheets to retain a shred of dignity? But seems to be acceptable on a postnatal ward.

It's a pretty open admission that parts of the NHS are operating on a 3rd world level if unscreened, untrained, unmonitored male relatives staying all night, sleeping on chairs/ the floor of open plan (aside from curtains) post natal wards is the only way women and newborns will get through the night!

I'm sure that there are cases where the relatives are there to help, but in many other instances they are just there to keep company. The loud conversations, the smelly food and inconsiderate film and TV watching ate nothing to to with need, just bad manners.

I come from a different country and I must admit I found it very strange that a hospital totally re-vamped in 2001 still had mixed wards and 4-6 bed wards with just flimsy screens to give an illusion of privacy.

Where I am from we have 2 bedroom rooms with en-suite bathrooms in the 1990s.

I would happily pay more or a direct health insurance to ensure the system is suitable for the 21st century. Even if I may never have to use it again.

I am so sorry!

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all! I begged to be allowed to leave hospital within 26 hours because the lady next to me snored, let alone what you have had to put up with

Very many congratulations on the baby...hope he and you are both ok

To be fair, I think it was a different world for those of us who “got on with it”. Postnatal wards were properly staffed and we were looked after. We were kept in for a week and none of the women on my ward wanted to go home. Lifelong friendships were forged on that ward and there was a real sense of comradeship. That’s why I say it was blissful because it really was. We went home well rested. Maternity care has really gone backwards in the last few decades.

What a bunch of inconsiderate, entitled and selfish bastards. YADNBU and I hope you and baby are ok. Congratulations too!

It was the mums who pushed for partners to stay over in my trust. Surveys were sent out and it was overwhelmingly in favour of partners staying. They can be helpful but equally cause more distress and work

This is all part of the wider subconscious belief that it’s all ‘women’s issues’ and therefore less worthy of concern.

What crud.

After having my first baby in hospital and contracting a nasty infection in the process I was determined that any future children would be born at home.

The birth of my daughter at home in my own bedroom was wonderful - especially when all tucked up by the midwives ( I had 2 trained and one trainee) and left for the night to get some well deserved sleep. Something that didn't happen in my hospital delivery.

It was the mums who pushed for partners to stay over in my trust. Surveys were sent out and it was overwhelmingly in favour of partners staying

Perhaps the reality has turned out very differently from how they envisaged. I think it’s appalling that women who don’t want men around - and that seems to be an increasing number - have to tolerate this. There should at least be separate accommodation for those women who don’t want their privacy invaded by other people’s partners, however respectful they and their wives think they are.

No one was allowed to stay over when I had my DS1 almost ten years ago. I desperately needed my DH. DS1 was an emergency induction due to pre eclampsia and HELLP syndrome (my internal organs were failing). I had an horrendous birth where my blood pressure drop so low that my heart almost stopped. I haemorrhaged and lost a massive amount of blood. DS1 came out pretty unscathed apart from a massive lump on his head due to the Ventouse but he had to have IV antibiotics twice a day in SCBU. This involved me pushing him in his crib to the other side of the hospital twice a day despite the fact I could barely walk and had a incontinence bed sheet bed stuffed down my knickers because the blood loss was so bad. DH came with me during the day but at 6.00am in the morning it was down to me. At one point I was locked out of the ward and shat myself because the only other option was to take my tiny newborn into the public toilet next to the main hospital entrance. Why am I telling you this OP? Because there is a reason family members are allowed to stay over now. That’s because post natal care is so bad due to staff shortages. One night my baby screamed for 10 hours solid but no one came to help me. There was often only one midwife on for 16 woman and 17 babies as the other would be called away for emergencies in the deliver room. My DH would have taken care of me, DS1 and would have helped every other woman on that ward where he could.

God that appalling, they should just chuck out the non patients

Perhaps the reality has turned out very differently from how they envisaged. I think it’s appalling that women who don’t want men around - and that seems to be an increasing number - have to tolerate this. There should at least be separate accommodation for those women who don’t want their privacy invaded by other people’s partners, however respectful they and their wives think they are.

So this is how it started, half the ward was partners staying and the other half was not. Unfortunately most women wanted partners to stay and as all beds are full most of the time the whole ward was opened up to it.

At work I reckon 80% of women want partner with them. And I would say 90% of midwives don’t want partners there 😬

Also the comment on majority of midwives being direct entry and therefore unable to provide nursing care... a significant part of the course is regarding the deteriorating woman, basic nursing care, and placements on A&E, Gynae wards, theatres, recovery etc etc. Many midwives who were nurses before never actually practised as nurses, and some of those that did have questionable nursing skills and communication. So your comment is bullshit

I desperately needed my DH.

You desperately needed adequate medical care and were failed miserably in that respect.

My DH would have taken care of me, DS1 and would have helped every other woman on that ward where he could.

Patients shouldn't be treated by some random male non-patient. I would not have wanted some solicitous male I didn't know from Adam who is not a HCP anywhere near me or my baby.

What patients need is adequate staff to treat them medically.

My recent experience of pregnancy, induction, labour, postnatal and breastfeeding care would indicate that there is a lot lacking in many midwives/HCAs regarding theory and practical skills, professionalism and interpersonal skills.

I’m not the OP, but I don’t think she’s unhappy about considerate partners helping our someone genuinely in need of help.

It’s more about the free for all entertainment that postnatal wards have turned into.