To not have to Be stressed on post natal ward?

[ifeeltheneedtheneedforsleep]

I had my baby earlier in the week and after a very traumatic delivery he's in SCBU while I'm on the post natal ward (trying to recover from emergency surgery AND going back and forth to be with baby).
The staff have been amazing so this is in no way a criticism of them but it is a criticism of the idiot pen pusher who no doubt deemed it a good idea to implement a policy allowing partners or friends or family to stay over with mothers on the post natal ward!
The ward is full tonight and it's like a freaking zoo! Next to me I've got a woman who has her mother staying who repeatedly rings the midwife asking for food, pillows, water etc etc for her MOTHER because you know, she's travelled a long way! I've lost count of the amount of times they've bashed through my curtain and sent everything flying!
Opposite is a woman who at the moment has a partner and his male friend (who the midwife is trying to evict to their protests about it being too late at night for him to leave) - they are busy watching bollywood movies on an iPad at full volume and have their own picnic going on so it's non stop crinkle, rustle munch munch on top of their cackling, loud chatting and movie!! That's just two or the finer examples but the rest are having full on conversations at nearly half past midnight!

Is it too much to ask to recover on a ward where you don't feel like you're in party central, where you can actually speak to the midwife about bleeding or leaky boobs without having just a curtain between you and some randoms? Or even to be able to change without worrying that some idiot is going to pull your curtain back because they've barged it constantly? 😡

Hi all (i havent posted for many yrs now mainly cause my babies are now 10 and neaely 15yrs! Lol) i have lurked though and im not sure if any of the b4 generation are still around.
Anyway i felt so awful for you .."ifeeltheneedforsleep" darling.
This is atrocious! Is there staff on that you feel your able to talk to etc....if so could you ask to speak to her, and tell her all of what you have shared stress that you know that its not their fault (adding a bit of praise tends to help as sadly few pple do this) along the lines of plse help, i just dont know what to do, your all amazing and so busy so im sorry ive had to call you, but there are a number of pple here whom are abusing the privilege of pple staying over, stress how awful it has been an baby (huge congratulation my love!!) Not being with you, how your exhausted, in pain etc but surely there should be some set guidelines about the staying over esp when some pple seem to think its a hotel! Also how vulnerable your made 2 feel when there are men around and men whom aren not tbe fathers.
Some of it you could say quite loudly about the hotel bit. Ask if there is a side room, say all whats happening on top of pain, babe not with you is causing you great stress.aa for snoring man can u cough loudly to wake him!
I wasnt a midwife but was an Emergency nurse practitioner (sadly retired through ill health) and as having been a pt and a nurse, i was shocked how many pple would talk loudly on their mobile phones or to their visitors at a ridiculous time....but it was ok....cause the curtains were drawn!!! Humm maybe they should realise there not sound proof!?
Wat i wud sometimes do (as a pt lol) id pretend id be talking on my mobile wud start off quiet with the odd loud word to get their attention, then id wail to the phone "i know and im sorrow to speak to you so late but the noise levels are unreasonable and actually u feel sorry for the poor babes in there trying to sleep ...then id say yes yes il do that and see what happens.
If this is still going on an the midwives can't then do anything ask to speak to the nurse in charge of the whole unit...who is normally the bleep holder.
Good luck my darling
I'm praying your sound asleep and that your babe is getting atrongerź an stronger .
I sincerely apologise if i sound bossy or dictorial .
Xxxx

Hopefully you are getting some rest now! I was on a postnatal ward for 2/3 nights earlier in the week after emergency surgery and cannot imagine baby in scbu as well. Our trust has a policy of partners leaving between 8pm and 11am. I had no concept of the first night, the second night was ok but the third night was the toughest. It would have been great to share this with him but equally I would have hated it in reverse on night 2. Short of everyone on the postnatal ward having a private room or splitting it so half was partners stay and half women only it would be impossible to please everyone and react to every situation.

I feel for you. I was actually in a private room
(Not in Uk). There was a German woman in a room up the corridor and her husband stayed every night, oh my god he talked at shouting level all day and night, how his wife didn't strangle him was beyond me. He never ever shut up

I feel so sad for you. I still remember lying in bed unable to move after having a cesarean while the mother in the next bed had her entire family over for an afternoon of fried chicken and football. I hate (U.S.) football. And that was just the afternoon! It must be awful for you to have everyone and their uncles there so late at night!

I feel for you too.

I was also on a ward recovering with baby in scbu for a week. With a teenage ‘bride’ and her really old husband next to me. Luckily not overnight then.

It’s a traumatic time, you need space, you need sleep.

I wonder if the scbu staff can help? Try asking them tomorrow I found them more clued in than the midwives.

It really is disgraceful!

This policy came in at my hospital sometime between the births of my 2 DC.

First time around I was in there for a week and thought I had it bad with my across-the-room-neighbour and her family (husband, both her parents and once the husband's mum) being there ALL DAY. But come 9pm they were all swiftly evicted and it was wonderful. Just in time for the nighttime feeding frenzy and baby crying to keep us all awake, but wonderful nonetheless.

Second time around - O.M.G! I was so relieved to be discharged after 36 hours.

YANBU!

I don't agree agree with partners staying, it doesn't happen on any other ward!

Shocking that the partners are taking up midwives time by buzzing for things!

I've had 2 sections with my DC, both times I only pressed the call button when I needed things like medication and could not wait until a staff member appeared of her something myself

OP- ask to move. My baby was in scbu for 2 weeks and I was on the maternity ward (not post natal) in a nice quiet room off to one side by myself.

It’s not fair to you- your baby is also not with you which is hard and emotionally traumatic. Please speak to them unless you’re literally going home today.

YANBU. It’s the worst. I had twins and had to stay in because of blood loss and then high blood pressure. In the end self-discharged at day three because no-one could understand that the high blood-pressure was being caused by looking after twin babies on my own in the chaotic, endless carnage that was the post natal ward.

I don’t get people saying “I could t possibly have coped without my partner after my x,y,z”. Yes you could have coped. I had a 26 hour labour, a haemorrhage, baby went to NICU for meconium aspiration, I had an episiotomy, a catheter for four days after surgery and couldn’t feed due to me and my baby being so poorly. I coped. There is no place for men or other selfish family members on a maternity ward or in NICU. It boils my blood.

I was initially put on the ward after giving birth while my baby was in SCBU and I became so distressed listening to other people’s babies while not having my own there that they moved me to a private room so could you ask for that?
Also agree that the ward was chaotic with visitors 24/7; I’m about to have my second baby and the hospital is very strict on visiting times if only 3 hours a day and partners 9-9 which I’m relieved about as I want peace to care for my baby

It's mad that women are expected to put up with this now. Hospitals should only allow overnight visitors if they have separate bays for those who don't have someone with them. That goes all the more when babies are in SCBU. I'm sorry you are going through this OP.

At my hospital, they were very strict with overnight visitors. I didn’t hear a peep out of any of the men on the ward. The issue isn’t the policy but the selfish idiots on your ward and the lack of enforcement of rules. There is no reason for someone to have two visitors at 10. The friend should be chucked out, the tv turned off and they should stop responding to requests for the mother.

YANBU x 100. I’m so sorry you’re having to put up with this shite OP. You shouldn’t have to, but I reckon you should speak to the midwives. You’re recovering from surgery and missing your baby, you don’t need to be kept awake.

I agree with those who say partners should only be allowed to stay if you’re in a private room. I was on the postnatal ward for 5 days and it was fucking awful enough without loads of random people making noise. The midwives had the bloody radio on out in the hallway so that didn’t help much anyway.

I still feel traumatised by by first days / nights on the postnatal ward, before a room (which we had to pay for) became available. I’d had a difficult emergency section, and both DD and I had infections. The noise, lack of privacy, constant disturbances - it was awful. However, I needed DH to be with me, as I couldn’t even lift DD to feed her or get out of bed to change her nappy. The midwives were so busy, they couldn’t attend to me / other women in a timely manner, so I (and other women) were reliant on partners.

I don’t know what the answer is (well I do, more midwives and more private rooms - but that is not going to happen) but it was an awful time. Pregnant with no. 2 now, and my biggest fear is the postnatal ward.

Wishing you and your baby well, and hope you get home really soon.

Oh my god OP, no, you are definitely definitely not BU, this sounds horrific. I don't think partners should be allowed to stay over on post natal wards, I know some disagree and that with cuts they are in some respects needed to help due to lack of staff, but that shouldn't be the case. However if they are there, WTAF re. partner PLUS male friend? And gone midnight watching a film with sound on, talking eating etc.? I often find myself wondering when people started thinking it's ok to play things with sound on whilst on public transport, in restaurants etc (it's not, it's rude) but on a hospital ward, even during the daytime never mind at night??!! this gives me the rage at how staggeringly selfish and inconsiderate it is.

I can't believe how loud or self-centred some people can be.

Saying that I am hoping DH can stay when I have my baby shortly to help overnight. He is babys father, and I will no doubt be the one needing to recover so it makes sense he stays to help with baby care. But he isn't loud or obnoxious.

A friend who had a baby last year said the midwives and nurses really had no time and were barely around. Her husband stayed overnight with her, and ended up having to help 2 other mothers both nights who had c sections by passing their baby to them and going to get bits they also needed like water as nobody was around and they really couldn't do it alone due to pain and recovery.

That’s ridiculous that that is allowed go on, I have no issue with people staying if they are quiet but that is taking the piss altogether! My partner stayed after a traumatic birth and the baby being taken to intensive care and we were both quiet as mice, genuinely didn’t make noise no rustling of wrappers or loud volumes on phones, barely whispering so as not to disturb others, in fact the nurses checking in made more noise than we did.I was bloody glad to have him there as support and to save ringing the bell if I needed help with mundane things, but that’s an awful environment that you have described. I know when I was in randoms kept opening my curtain visiting other people and mixing up the bed numbers, drove me mad as a few times when it happened I was changing or asleep ect. This happened through the night! Also the man that was with his wife in the cubicle next door kept shining his torch on his phone in through the curtain and farting non stop while making loud phone calls during the night so I know how frustrating it is when you are trying to recover!if people were more considerate I don’t think others would mind half as much if someone stayed but the ones that behave badly ruin it for everyone else!!!

I had my last baby 12 years ago. There were strict but sensible rules. Ward was closed from 11-3 to allow peace calm and rest. Partners allowed all other times up to 10pm and visiting from 5 til 7. I was still going mad after 5 days. If partners had been allowed to stay I would have lost it.

This would be my nightmare.

I found it bad enough with the constant irritating cry of newborns, you can complain about that though as unavoidable.

I didn’t get a minute of sleep when I was kept in over night and I begged and begged to go home so I didn’t have to stay another night.

This is nothing new, there were men staying in the post natal ward when my dc was born, 20 years ago. I'd thought that the woman next to me had a snoring issue but it was her partner. I was not impressed, either with that or visitors getting in at 9pm, when visiting was over .

How are you feeling this morning OP. YANBU at all. It’s one thing having a quiet well meaning partner/family member or friend respectfully looking after you sitting quietly and supporting you on the PN ward and another using it like a party.

Im so glad i had my babies before the hospital changed to partners being allowed to stay, i delivered at 5am and dh was sent home at 8 when i moved to the ward to allow the other women privacy when getting up/dressed. We had no objection to this as its not all about us

There was an article in the newspaper this week about midwives complaining about fathers on the postnatal ward getting in the way and demanding food. It's ridiculous, women are there to recover in peace they shouldn't have to put up with it.

This really is awful. Why are people so inconsiderate?

And why don’t the midwives have more authority to kick them out / demand the noise is kept down? A very firm “visiting time is over” should be expected and respected imo