Pre-empting no gift tomorrow.

[Orgasmrendition]

Every year I buy my 'D'H birthday presents, christmas presents, fathers day present, valentines present. Something specific for him that I have actually put some thought into.

Every year I get nothing in return and promise myself that next year he can have bugger all as well. On occasion he feels bad and I get a late gift of something grabbed off a shelf with no thought put into it.

We have spoken about it, how I'm not asking him to spend hundreds on me, but just a small, thoughtful gift would be nice, to feel appreciated. Doesn't even have to be a gift, I'd be happy with him doing the housework and giving me a night off from cooking dinner and doing the dishes.

Yet, its 13th February and I have bought him something. Not much because things are tight but a card and a box of his favourite chocolate (which I don't like and he knows so it's a gift purely for him and ones that we cant afford to buy often)

Would I be unreasonable to give him until tomorrow evening (because every occasion I still have that little bit of hope) and then unwrap each and every chocolate, throw it away, and just give him the empty box of wrappers??

My DH is exactly the same. One year I got upset in Mother's Day because he could t be bothered to do anything from the children, so I vowed that on Father's Day that year he'd get nothing at all. Only I went and gave birth on the morning so he had the best Father's Day present ever 🤪😬

Valentines Day aside, if you think it’s a treat for your husband to cook and wash up, you’ve got much bigger issues.

It's a commercialised day! Flowers are dearer etc etc. Mine buys me flowers at random times which is much nicer. Not often but that's fine. We don't bother with valentines day. It's a load a hype. Learn from it and don't continue with it. Just give him the chocolates another time. Check the date on them though lol!

What's the difference between buying into birthdays or Christmas (as an atheist!) and buying into Valentine's Day? These are alll traditions that people have come up with.

You have far bigger issues than Valentine's Day

I love the bones of my fabulous dh who is kind and loving all year round.

We only do cards on Valentine's Day and even then we try to find the cheesiest ones we can.

Sweeping generalisation but I think that the more importance someone puts on Valentine's Day the shittier their relationship.

(Admittedly I am perfectly happy with commerce, and don't want to be one of those people that keep baaing on about sheep 😂)

I'd stop buying for him for a start. Setting up for disappointment Have another conversation that just a little recognition in these circumstances and occasion would be nice.

To the PP: yes 40 year old adults here celebrating and out for a meal tomorrow. My partner started it when we first got together 9 years ago. To be honest valentines brightens winter a little for me. Nothing expensive or flashy. And shockingly we can appreciate each other all year round too as I'm lucky to be in a happy relationship with no major drama.

Everyone is of course entitled to their own celebrations or non celebrations but I presume those who are so quick to be dismissive about tomorrow don't celebrate the other 'hallmark days' throughout the year either?

You like gifts he's just not fussed. Tell him you are fussed if you are that bothered and what you'd like, men aren't good with hints. I don't build or base relationships on "stuff", I guess I just don't really want for much (I'm not sat here draped in diamonds I might add) and I can't think of anything my husband needs so we don't tend to buy gifts we just go away or go to a concert every now and again. It's a mutual thing so I guess that's different.

Whatever you do though stop buying chocolates you don't like, who does that? and as for binning chocolate, you've lost your mind!!!

To the OP - I completely understand your thread and my ex was the same . I did not want for lavish gifts or anything fancy but a birthday or christmas gift would have been kind. Every year I tried to be a role model for our children and we would make a card and get something thoughtful not expensive but to show our love . Also in the hope to lead by example.

He would always say I am high maintance and never got me a gift in years , but to be honest a bunch of picked flowers would have done. Or a card made by the children. A meal cooked by him.

Interestingly I was expected to be the good wife in the bedroom , the cleaning and working full time meanwhile he was part time.

If you do not water plants they die if you do not love and care for loved ones the passion and love dies. Sadly this love died.

I ask for little but there is no way reverse cow girl is happening if a little attention does not come my way.

Eat the chocolate and shred the card and consider if feeling unloved is a).fair b) what you want for another 11 years c).he sounds like a cockwomble and you deserve better d).do not wait 15 years like me !!!

these are for you

@shinycat you are very paedestrian. I cannot imagine such a small world view.

Why are you doing all the cooking and washing up?!

Poor shinycat . So pointlessly smug...

@iMatter so true. People whose husbands/boyfriends are who they need them to be EVERY DAY do not get upset about St Valentines day.

we dont do valentines and you definitely shouldnt he never bothers with you the rest of the year why are you bothering for a made up day

Ps I think someone sent me flowers on here 😍😘
Also I am not fussed about valentines .

oh and yes youve got problems if he never does his share round the house

He sounds incredibly selfish and takes you for granted. If you work why do you do all the cooking and cleaning?
Stop buying anything for him. I'm not sure I could live with anyone this selfish. Does he ever do anything nice for you?

@Tinydancer123 Thank you for your post. I will be surprised if we get to 15 years at the moment!

Not unreasonable at all! But really this is about feeling unappreciated, some people may think it's all a gimmick but valentine's, mother's Day etc have been celebrated for for hundreds of years and it's a good opportunity to show someone how much you care and love them. It doesn't have to be extravagant it can be a card, a thoughtful gift and or a kind gesture. If you are making all the effort and it's unreciprocated, particularly if they don't make any effort for the rest of the year either then it is upsetting. I think aligning expectations is important, DH family never really celebrate or mark occasions whereas in my family things like mother's Day, birthdays etc were a big deal so this can ( and has) led to disappointment and upset. I think you have to be honest that marking occasions is important to you and be clear you want to celebrate them. Tbh I resorted in buying myself a treat on mother's Day when DC were little until DH finally got the message!

if he knows you like the thought of something and he can’t be arsed to even pay lip service to it, then I imagine he can’t be arsed in many other ways.

The last time we celebrated valentines, I got pregnant. So not doing that again.

@Orgasmrendition well I am sending you love and kindness.
I did/love the knob but he really was not good in so many ways. Really 15 was too long. I am not strong although I appear to be, often I wonder what the fook is wrong with me .....am I not worth £2 tulips ?! Why could he not show love ?. Make a cuppa , make a meal ?.
He would always twist it and make me into some kind of gift wanting queen yet there was nothing . I just felt unloved and what made it worse is on a break a year ago he took a tinder date to a lovely restaurant he researched it ! Goes to show it was clearly me.

Guess I was the mug who always put up with it.

Anyhow I digress this is your thread and life is far too short. You deserve to be loved and feel cared for xxxx

We exchange cards for Valentine’s ( 29 years married) but I’d be upset if my husband didn’t remember my birthday.
I don’t need or want anything for my birthday but I’d like him to remember it.