Pre-empting no gift tomorrow.

[Orgasmrendition]

Every year I buy my 'D'H birthday presents, christmas presents, fathers day present, valentines present. Something specific for him that I have actually put some thought into.

Every year I get nothing in return and promise myself that next year he can have bugger all as well. On occasion he feels bad and I get a late gift of something grabbed off a shelf with no thought put into it.

We have spoken about it, how I'm not asking him to spend hundreds on me, but just a small, thoughtful gift would be nice, to feel appreciated. Doesn't even have to be a gift, I'd be happy with him doing the housework and giving me a night off from cooking dinner and doing the dishes.

Yet, its 13th February and I have bought him something. Not much because things are tight but a card and a box of his favourite chocolate (which I don't like and he knows so it's a gift purely for him and ones that we cant afford to buy often)

Would I be unreasonable to give him until tomorrow evening (because every occasion I still have that little bit of hope) and then unwrap each and every chocolate, throw it away, and just give him the empty box of wrappers??

Its hallmark day

Gosh, who knew Hallmark were around in the 14th Century! Mind blown.

Well done @whiteroseredrose - that's the only way to show someone how it feels, unfortunately.

OP, take note. Don't give him anything. Likewise for his birthday. This will say more than all the conversations you could ever have - and you've already done that anyway with no success.

YABU , if these things are important to you you should have dealt with it years ago not just carried on buying him presents .

It sounds like he takes you for granted and let's you down all year round. Tomorrow won't be any different. Don't martyr yourself by giving him another opportunity to hurt you.

*Lets

Go and buy yourself something gorgeous.

I think VD is a load of shite. A box ticking exercise, arseholes who are crap husbands buy their wife a present on one day of the year like sheep and often that is instead of just being nice EVERY DAY

Doesn’t really matter how anyone else feels about valentines OP, it matters how you feel, and the fact you’ve shared this with your husband and he still doesn’t give you something little, when you always give him needs discussed. He either simply doesn’t give a fuck, or well I can’t really think of anything else other than he’s a lazy twat. My DP doesn’t do anything thoughtful really, but he always gets me a lovely gift. He’s thoughtful everyday though. And I think that’s probably the difference OP. I hope your ok.

The most romantic thing DH is doing tomorrow is being the one that has to get up early and takes DD to the orthodontist.

Valentines Day is a made up celebration so you are BU to get upset about that.

If your DH doesn't appreciate you - and appreciating someone does not mean buying them gifts - that's a bigger issue.

I suspect if he's not someone that thinks to buy presents, he probably doesn't care about getting them himself either - so your giving him an empty box of wrappers will backfire, I think. Why not have an adult conversation about feeling unappreciated? Does he show appreciation in other ways?

*I’m more concerned that it sounds like he doesn’t take his turn of cooking and washing up!

It sounds like you’re being massively taken for granted.*

I agree with this. It’s the being unappreciated over all that’s the problems, not the specific hallmark days. You do need a serious talk with this man.

In the meantime, don’t give him anything. Eat his chocolates. Don’t bother doing anything special. If it doesn’t bother him, he’s obviously not a special days person. That’s a valid pov but someone like that has to make sure to make everyday special!

Tbh in my head valentines is an excuse for nice food and drink!

What satisfaction do you get out of playing such games OP.
No, really. You know he's not going to get you anything but the answer is to get him something and then make some passive aggressive point when he lets you down which you are well aware he's going to do? WTF?

Who's got time for that shit?

Admittedly, using Valentines Day for this post probably wasnt my best idea 😂 and if I felt appreciated throughout the year I really dont think I'd have any interest in it but currently it just feels like another reason to feel shit and underappreciated.

I'm going to have to be strong like @whiteroseredrose and ignore his birthday when it comes around.

We have spoken about it so many times and he says he understands and will make more effort. And I am fully of the motto 'Hope for the best, expect the worst'. But after 11 years I'm not sure how much hope is left

Also, thank you for those of you who have recognised its not necessarily the fact tomorrow is Valentines Day, but the other things around it

Stop buying him presents. For Valentine's, birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day. He doesn't appreciate them, takes them for granted and, maybe, doesn't want them.
Don't throw the chocolates away though. If you don't like them, give them as a raffle prize to DC's school, or donate to the food bank.

Valentines day is for unattached teenagers. Just another commercial opportunity.

He doesn't DO this stuff. Is he a caring, thoughtful, loving partner otherwise? I hate to bring self help woooo into this discussion, but perhaps gifts are simply not his love language? Have you ever tried to ask him why he doesn't get you things? Without an argument? It is not possible to forget, unless you stay inside with no internet or other media. So there are clearly other reasons, and being passive aggressive about it won't resolve the issue.

YABU for being a martyr.

Stop buying him things in the hope that it'll magically make him buy you things. Clearly you are the one who cares about the cards and presents, and he is not. So just eat the chocolates yourself, or share them together, and stop all the passive-aggressive angsting.

And yes, he should be doing his share of housework every day, not just Feb 14th.

Do adults who have been in relationships for a long time still exchange valentines?

My parents reached their 52nd wedding anniversary before Mum died.

They had 2 huge Valentine's cards that they'd had for years, and each year would add a new message to each other and exchange the cards. I know Dad is going to be sat there tomorrow reading the card Mum wrote her messages in.

Eat the chocolates yourself. In front of him. Don't give him any and tell him why.

Oh ffs! Eat the chocolates in front of him, indeed . He never asked for the bloody chocolates, don’t be daft.

OH a couple of years ago heard a ping on his phone FB, he said oh its your birthday. He has a crap memory. However, he does occasionally bring flowers. I may get something tomorrow because he is reminded of it everywhere.

Stop buying him things! Take the money you would spend on him at Christmas, birthdays and Valentines and get yourself something nice instead.

Do adults who have been in relationships for a long time still exchange valentines?

Of course they do as well you know. Don't be so immature.

OP, don't bother with giving him the chocolates unless he gives you a decent gift and wtf is he not pulling his weight in his home?

@MulticolourMophead