To feel like I've had enough of parenting teenagers

[SimonTheFox]

So so so fed up, upset, down, stressed. Sick sick sick of my life. Just letting it out. Have two teenagers and absolutely sick of the stinking attitudes. One younger one too who I'm trying to shield from the arguments. Feel like I just want to run away!

I have a 17 who is most definitely in the experimenting stage, I think he sees it as a checklist. I worry so much about this. He's also emotionally absent, I hear him laughing on the xbox with mates but spending time with us is clearly a horrendous chore. He's lazy, entitled and lies to me. And he smells. It's devastating. I pray that he comes out the other side different. He was funny, caring and I miss him.

I also have DD 14 who either adores me or hates me. She is the harbinger of all disastrous mess. We called her room the vortex even when she was 5 or 6.she can create chaos in 2 minutes. She has a black belt in door slamming.

I am exhausted and constantly sad about my relationship with them. This is so hard.

Teenagers are very hard work! We have a 14yr old dd and she is such a mix of cheeky, sullen, entitled, lazy, know-it-all, funny, loving, intelligent and great company (when SHE wants to be!)

I often lie in bed hoping we all get through the next 6 years unscathed...

Was very pathetically really looking forward to a day away from the house, working in town today. Having been through the mill with DSD14 over the past few weeks (months), it's really lovely to sit in an office with people that aren't liable to explode, cry, throw something, drop a bombshell, or require me to call 10-fucking-1. Seems the only time recently that I have spent time with fully functioning adults is when we have had to meet with the bloody police or school.

With this in mind, I have never been angrier than I was when I rocked up at the station this morning to find a landslide had shut all lines. Had a little cry in my car in the car park, before turning round and miserably trudging home, where I sat drinking tea, eating caramel eggs and generally being a right moody cow (appreciate the irony of this) for a good hour before I realised I still had to do some work today.

Reading these posts, it's nice to see that it's not just me that feels worn down by this. When you're sat snivelling in your car and swearing violently at completely innocent fallen down trees, as confused commuters mill around you, you do start to wonder if it might just be you...

@Flatpacked . I'm backing off from interfering with DS at the moment. There was a great thread on here a couple of days ago which gave me inspiration. The poor poster got a pasting initially but there was a lot of good stuff on it. For what it's worth I have an older DS. He's now 22 flunked A levels and got an apprenticeship that he hated. However, he smelled the coffee, used it to gain some more qualifications, and is now doing well at university ( in a completely different field). Once he found his way he became a nicer person. So I have hop...but it's hard!
OP, sorry if i have derailed your thread slightly.

To tell DS he will need to leave http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3820386-To-tell-DS-he-will-need-to-leave

I regularly scream at my 13 year old after talking, coaxing, supporting get me nowhere - "It's not all about you".

She doesnt even try to empathise with others. I can see in her head life really is all about her! stuff the rest of us

It's reassuring further to yesterday so many others are the same. The drama queen is off on a residential with the school tomorrow. After the stress of packing etc It'll be nice break.

The 13yi teen is deciding he wants to.work and he'll do a paper round, totally honest where he is in And what he does and wears a coat. Not sure where I've gone wrong.

I remember one of my sons admitting that he was bored sometimes so like to argue with me for sport.

I couldn't get mine to shower voluntarily for years, now I can get them out.
Billowing steam explains our huge electricity bill. I'm paying for a sauna.

Can't get them out!

Mine's been an arsehole today.
I need to learn to take a step back when he goes to bed too late (re gone 1am) frequently and expects to be got up for college.
Let the fucker drop out.
(Even though I know that he likes it there really, so WTF is going on)
Earlier bedtimes. You can't go to bed at 1.30 and expect to be out the door at 7.30 on a regular basis.
Also, grandparent needs to butt out saying it's not your fault, it's the teachers, complain about them!
FFS NOT HELPPPPING and breathe

I have a 15 yo entitled madam. Stressing about exams but refusing to do any hard graft for them. Everyone else she knows gets far more than she does. Has a test tomorrow at school but spends 2 hours on her hair.

14yo utterly lazy, often refuses to shower/brush teeth/ comb hair, want to stay in her cave all day on her iPad, doesn’t go out or see friends, winds her younger siblings up for sport.

Also have a 11 and 9yo I’m expecting to be sectioned before they are all out of the teenage years

Yanbu. I'm not there yet though dreading it. Especially if they take after me.
The thing I remember well is how hard and horrible it is to be a teenager, adolescents is the most stressful time in life.
It does pass. I adored my DM when I got through it. I intend on stocking up on parenting teen books, lots of wine, diazepam and earplugs when the time comes.

We had a rare moment of sunlight last night. We're away skiing and DS 13 has been so negative about his classes - I can understand why as no other English speakers but I tried really hard to find a good class and they cost a small fortune.

Last night we went to a restaurant you have to toboggan down from. I hated every minute of it - endless toboggan run in the dark - but DS loved it and had a great time joshing with DH and then we ended up giggling about something in the cab on the way back. They're going to do it again on the last day.

It was such a lovely evening and gives me a bit of hope that he'll turn out ok.

My DD is 13 and currently mostly lovely, except for anxiety related outbursts (diagnosed, currently better than she was but still has flare ups).

She was a horrendous know it all 7-10 year old so I'm hoping that was it! Although I know when we hit exam time I will be hitting the gin as her anxiety is terrible around any kind of test or exam so it will be treading on eggshells.

Me and her have always clashed though, we can just push each others buttons and that has been the same since she was a toddler. DH deals with tricky things. He works with teenagers, he knows how to avoid angering the beast!

I went to a really interesting talk last week at work where a lady who has 4 of the buggers spoke. She basically said that just because teens look like us (quite often bigger than us!) we expect them to have brains like ours i.e. adult brains. The fact is their brain chemistry is more akin to a toddlers. Explains a lot about the tantrums and no empathy! Their body clocks are completely different hence the staying up late/getting up late. They haven't developed hypothetical thinking so they just don't care about future consequences - no point telling them if they don't revise they'll fail - her advice - they need to have internal motivation to do anything and so us nagging does no good - just let them fail!

It has made me stop and think that they really can't help being complete arseholes! Once I look at them as behaving like toddlers I can disengage a bit and let them get on with their arsehole ways! Everything is my fault whatever I do so can't win!

Everyone seems to be going through the same things and we can't all be terrible parents! DH says he'd have never had kids if he'd known but you have to try not to take it personally.

This lady also said they have to be so horrible so that they can "fall out of love" with you to become independent- heartbreaking but they'll hopefully come back!

@trulyconfuseddotcom
Don’t panic-your 8 year old may not have a nightmare teenage phase. My two (boys, now in their twenties) didn’t. I remember seeing a fascinating documentary on the teenage brain and the things going on in it during teenage years. Fortunately for me, we got through without too much angst, but perhaps it’s more difficult for girls as they also have periods to cope with.

@procrastination4
Thanks - she’s actually 12 so it’s all a bit imminent but I appreciate the reassurance that there’s even the tiniest possibility that it might not be a total nightmare!

Yesbutno, that makes so much sense, I did wonder if the arguing was related to a division for independence. My exH wasn't allowed to argue or to leave home until we had our first mortgage at 27. I think that explains why he is a narcissistic cheat - he didn't grow up properly!

I found this interesting, so thought I'd share www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/25/secrets-of-the-teenage-brain

My dd is 14yo (just) and I think a lot of the crap behaviour is hormone related, the week after her period she's like a different child! So much more relaxed, helpful, chatty etc It literally lasts a week and then the moodiness and rudeness returns 🙄

@Yesbutno I absolutely know that some of DD's argumentative behaviour is related to independence - she wants to do her own thing, but of course, she can't drive, too young to work (until the summer) and is generally still dependent on us for a lot. I hope/believe that things will be v. different when she leaves home (hopefully for university) and has more independence. She'll make mistakes, but she'll be able to make her own decisions...and I won't know about most of them so I'll feel better too!

I so needed to find this thread tonight.

THANK YOU.

That is all.

I’ve just sat here and read all these comments and burst into tears because I honestly felt like I was the only person going through this. I’m nearly 8 months pregnant, I have a 3 and a half year old and a 13 year old daughter and I swear to god I would rather parent 25 toddlers and be sleep deprived with a newborn that do this parenting crap with a teen. IT IS SO HARD OMG. Me and my daughter are actually having parent and child counselling now once a week due to our relationship being so bad (a lot of factors around this but mainly due to her anger) and she’s only 13!!! I am trying everything and nothing seems to work. She speaks to me like utter crap and I don’t know how I haven’t just run away yet.
it is soooo frustrating. The mood, the attitude, and self entitlement, the sarcasm, the mess, the laziness the phone…my god the phone.
and breathe
Thank you everyone for making me feel slightly less like I’m going insane and thank you to the people who have come out the other side of raising teens to say things get better…i think that’s what made me cry because I have to have hope things will, in the end, be alright. Because right now I am so fed up and feel like I’ve done the worst job raising her 🥺doesn’t help I’m hormonal and also probably not as patient as I normally am or should be but I’m just tired of being spoken to like a piece of s*

2024 and jumping on this post.i have honestly had enough I have a 16 nearly 17 year old boy who has put me through the hell the past 5 years or so from running away/going missing/verbal/physical abuse damage to the house self harming threatened suicide police at our door getting suspended/ excluded from school and haveing our windows put through by causing trouble overdosing on drugs and currently on bail from assaulting a girl that’s what I can think of top of my head he has autism and was constantly let down by services and schools.he can be a good at times and I have done everything I can for him always fought his corner always been there for him but when he’s 18 if he carry’s on he will be out 😞😞

My 14 yr old daughters attitude is vile at moment I've stopped talikg too her as every conversation becomes a battle. She's rude, disrespectful, answers back all the time and yet expects lifts, clothes and toiletries when she needs them and us spending a fortune on her sports. I feel utterly deflated and just can't be bothered to care at moment !