To feel like I've had enough of parenting teenagers

[SimonTheFox]

So so so fed up, upset, down, stressed. Sick sick sick of my life. Just letting it out. Have two teenagers and absolutely sick of the stinking attitudes. One younger one too who I'm trying to shield from the arguments. Feel like I just want to run away!

Mine grew out of the teen dramatics by about 16. Then came the experimental stage which was scary as hell. It all calmed down by 18 and they grew up. Now they all have decent jobs, own homes (one even has a rental property too) , one has a child, one is planning a wedding, one's going on fab holidays etc.

The "holidays" for me are the worst. Not knowing what he wants to do all day. Can't just go out on my own so I'm stuck 24/7, it is boring ! He gets up at 6 but can't hardly get up on.school mornings ! Constantly trying to monitor internet usage as he will try to watch unsuitable things. I'm always anxious and trying to balance his moods and husband's moods

Why can't you go out on your own? Is that not needed for you to have a break?

For those needing hope: my DS 15 is a bloody wonder, he has a gorgeous nature, always helping out, loves his parents, gives hugs, is funny, a straight A student, loves sport and very motivated, gets up at 7am every morning to shower, is always clean and smart, leaves his phone and ipad downstairs at night, can cook and iron. So there is hope, but only a little bit as his 13 yo brother is one walking, talking hormone- moody, immature, lazy and fucking infuriating. And they can't stand each other! Sorry, it's not all rainbows!

I have toddlers and teens. This age gap sucks!!!

Its grim isnt it. My nearly 14yo DS is great in so many ways and works so hard at school/hobbies but he is a nightmare with organisation and leaves everything till last second, blames it on me if he can't find anything and it drives me insane! Can't seem to get through to him at all.

They do sleep though, they will sleep in I mean in the mornings. But toddlers at the same time. That sounds hard. / tricky.

It may be morning, but I am passing round a virtual tray of Gin and Tonics to all of us

Yes my 3yr old wakes up at 4.45 for some reason atm...and then by 8am she wants to nap just as the grumpies come downstairs ready to stomp out the door for school! Then they all shout at each other...lol

If I could go back I would have avoided this age gap!

Hmm...maybe can pay them to babysit perhaps, (thinks of a ray of hope?) My teens say they'd love 'a little child / baby'. I am sceptical about the reality.

Yup, I'm feeling similar. I had an afternoon off with my 14yo DS yesterday. He gets very focused on things, facts and figures (undiagnosed Aspergers I think, one for another thread) and by the end of our lunch trip out I was very frustrated and fed up of talking about Corona virus, wars and humans being a self destructive species. He won't listen to reason at all, very impending doom even when the facts and fiugures he is quoting are proving my own bloody point! And then he had his (twice weekly, always bloody forced) shower for 45 minutes and wouldn't get out even when it was leaking into the kitchen ffs. "I'M NOT DONE YET! I STILL HAVE CONDITIONER IN MY HARI! GO AWAY!"

Once you are thru it and they emerge as lovely young people, this will fade into jolly family tales (rather like the sleepless nights puke poo of babyhood).

Hang in there, they do need you but of course unlikely they will realise how awful they've been ... though strangely can sit and watch other terrible teens or naughty children on YouTube and be hyper critical!

Well done for enduring ... you are nearly there and spare a thought for those of us about to enter the stormy period!

They do sleep though, they will sleep in I mean in the mornings.

My teenager didn't get that memo....

Was just talking about this with friends last night! 13 year old boy, who isn't too bad, mostly friendly and helps out. Then there is my former sweet little girl, who at age 12 has turned into a stroppy madam! She isn't even a teenager yet, and she's driving me nuts!

I have a 19 yo who is the main cause of my insomnia. I was looking at photos of her as a very young child on the beach with not a care in the world, and burst into tears as I thought "we had no idea back then what would happen in the future."

@Flatpacked We clearly have the same son! Mine is exactly like yours. This thread is making me feel a bit better already.

@chocolateisavegetable ah it's so sad isn't it sometimes. I often feel like that but I am sure we will get some benefit again soon. I hope so.

They are good with babysitting occasionally but usually just wind the little ones up no end so I don't dare even leave them. Hopefully as they come out towards their 20s I can hold out help they may be more responsible!

Scary thread for the parent of a 12-year old! DD is still okay so far. Her room is a midden, but I close the door and don't care. But I tremble at what may lie ahead....

I'm glad it's not just me. 13 yr old DS who's an only has an attitude like you wouldn't believe.

Currently not speaking to me as on Sunday I turned the electrics off after he was spectacularly rude to me when I asked if he wanted lunch. And yes he was on a screen at the time.

Sometimes I long for the difficult toddler who never sat still.

I agree, there's a lot less joy. Plus you can't put your foot down because NOTHING motivates them. NOTHING. I stopped doing the dishes because I was sick of dishes everywhere instead of being put in the sink, to the point where the entire kitchen table, counters and sink were FILLED with dirty dishes. They didn't even notice. One of my kids opened the (empty) kitchen cabinet to get a plate and said, "Where are you putting the dishes?"

At least when the had toddler tantrums you could pick them up and put them in their rooms. When you have a 16yr old, talker than yourself, screaming in your face, it's scary.

Can I join. My eldest is only 11, almost 12, but he's already getting teenagery and I'm dreading it getting worse.

Our biggest problems at the moment are he is incredibly slobby and messy and some days I'm walking on eggshells with his attitude. He can be as hard work as a toddler only he's a tall lad, he's also unbelievably lazy.

@ProperVexed it’s awful isn’t it? I’m close to tears a lot as I’m so hurt that he could be so vile. He’s had a stable, steady upbringing with two parents, never wants for anything, he’s done well in school but did mess up his A levels. He took an apprenticeship and I’ve asked and asked if he’s happy there and told him he can leave and go back to college full time if he wants. Nothing. Just rudeness and hostility.
He will speak nicely to other family members and he will to me if he needs something.
He doesn’t speak much to DH who is a man of very few words anyway and he’s vile to DD.
DD almost 17 is lovely, she gets the usual teenage strops but at least will engage and be friendly and happy.
I’m so sad about it, I’d love to have my beautiful son back

^*It is the absolute hardest part of parenting, but this too will pass!

Newborns are exhausting but they are totally dependent on you and cute! Toddlers are challenging but still cute enough and often cuddly and loving.

Then you get the OK bits, but teacher is GOD!. But teachers tell them to listen to parents, so it's OK.

Then the tweenage stage. They are looking like teens, trying to be like teens but still manageable and kind of cute.
Then.... Da da da da.....

They turn 13, the hormones take over, they hate you, because they hate themselves. They feel they know so much, but we know they know so little. They fake arrogance because they feel that is the only way to survive! That is the part that engenders hatred! Try to remember it is a defence mechanism against a scary world they are trying to learn about.

I am on my 3rd and 4th teens, 54 weeks apart for these two. 11 years between 1 and 2, then 11 years between 2 and 3.

I have had time and practice. I'm not perfect, but I have learnt to pick my battles and a bit more empathy.^
*
Good post.